DH putting interests and activities first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just have the fight.

As a PP said, make it about fairness. And be totally blunt - "Larlo, Boy Scouts isn't about you or your enjoyment. It's a parental duty." And don't try to sweeten the pot with things like him knowing other dads there like it's some bargaining chip

And don't let him weasel out by saying he didn't want the kids to do all these activities anyway. That discussion can be tabled until this fall's activities are over.

I think you just have to stop tiptoeing around this and have the come to Jesus.

Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This led to divorce in my case.

Did you run off or did he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he ran out of new hobbies and new friends to make, he got a new girlfriend and ended our 20 year marriage.

It was a blessing in disguise. It's hilarious watching him struggle with 40% custody of the kids, because he has so much less free time even though he's free 60% of the time; that's how much he was doing for himself. On the other hand, I'm swimming in free time now that I have 40% of my time free.

I totally relate. I used to be anxious about DH's extensive work travel, but I've done a complete 180. If he cheats on me, we'll get a divorce, I'll get half of our assets, and I'll probably end up with around 40% free time, where now I have none. He's older than me, so I could then date guys closer to my age, and I'd let his new girl be his future nursemaid. Since coming to terms with the fact that I don't really care, which he probably can feel, the dynamics in our marriage have changed. He's like actually trying now.

[Anonymous]

OP -- you parent alone. I wouldn't cater to him though. I wouldn't be waiting for him for dinner. Not in your circumstance. Kids don't see much of their Father? Many don't. They will have whatever relationship they have with him -- it is not on you to make a certain relationship happen. Don't stretch family obligations/kid's activity schedule further than *you alone* can manage.

Having said all this, are you taking some breaks? You should be. Have on the calendar, months ahead of time, scheduled time when you are away. Travel somewhere with girlfriends or alone or with your original family. It's on him to manage while you're gone. You're not doing this to punish him but it is very reasonable for you to be gone some. I's actually -more- ordinary for you to be gone some.

[Anonymous]

Okay here's what to do -- stop asking him for anything. Take a few weeks and manage the kids by yourself. Please it's really not the end of the world. Completely ignore him. Also, dress extra sexy and make sure to pamper yourself. Talk to your friends on the phone. Arrange for a sitter one night for you to go out. Watch what happens hehe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he ran out of new hobbies and new friends to make, he got a new girlfriend and ended our 20 year marriage.

It was a blessing in disguise. It's hilarious watching him struggle with 40% custody of the kids, because he has so much less free time even though he's free 60% of the time; that's how much he was doing for himself. On the other hand, I'm swimming in free time now that I have 40% of my time free.

I totally relate. I used to be anxious about DH's extensive work travel, but I've done a complete 180. If he cheats on me, we'll get a divorce, I'll get half of our assets, and I'll probably end up with around 40% free time, where now I have none. He's older than me, so I could then date guys closer to my age, and I'd let his new girl be his future nursemaid. Since coming to terms with the fact that I don't really care, which he probably can feel, the dynamics in our marriage have changed. He's like actually trying now.

Wow I love this

[Anonymous]

Since you detected an inkling of this behavior early on, I am going to go with this is likely how your husband fundamentally is - warts + all.

You are so right - taking his kid to a practice or game (or whatever) is so NOT about him at all.
He chose to become a parent - - it is entirely up to him to do the right thing by his child.

Hopefully he sees the light very soon.

[Anonymous]

I'm a Dad who loves to play tennis and would play for hours and hours everyday if I could. But I am a parent and I have responsibilities like taking kids to activities and helping with the house. Its certainly not fun but happy wife = happy life

instead of "divorce" just tell the hubs to man up. Every single comment on DCUM suggests divorce as the resolution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not very interesting, or he wouldn't look for things to do that don't involve you. Did you gain a lot of weight recently?

You on the wrong board incel. What’s wrong, couldn’t get a girl to love you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I stopped signing my kids up for activities. The only sport I sign them up for is swim lessons, if that even counts. I'm not with my ex but we co parent and he lives down the street so we pretty much both see the kids every day (like today he dropped the kids off with me before work, I got them ready and took them to school, he will pick them up).

I focus on activities I can do with my kids. Paddle boarding, biking, etc. Helps we are in a warm climate. I stopped caring about their dad doing anything fun with them. I also don't set up too many play dates, because I know I'm going to be the one doing all the driving and socializing. It kind of sucks for the kids, but we do have a lot of fun the 3 of us without their Dad.

Lol. Are your kids eternally 3 yos or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When he ran out of new hobbies and new friends to make, he got a new girlfriend and ended our 20 year marriage.

It was a blessing in disguise. It's hilarious watching him struggle with 40% custody of the kids, because he has so much less free time even though he's free 60% of the time; that's how much he was doing for himself. On the other hand, I'm swimming in free time now that I have 40% of my time free.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he ran out of new hobbies and new friends to make, he got a new girlfriend and ended our 20 year marriage.

It was a blessing in disguise. It's hilarious watching him struggle with 40% custody of the kids, because he has so much less free time even though he's free 60% of the time; that's how much he was doing for himself. On the other hand, I'm swimming in free time now that I have 40% of my time free.

I totally relate. I used to be anxious about DH's extensive work travel, but I've done a complete 180. If he cheats on me, we'll get a divorce, I'll get half of our assets, and I'll probably end up with around 40% free time, where now I have none. He's older than me, so I could then date guys closer to my age, and I'd let his new girl be his future nursemaid. Since coming to terms with the fact that I don't really care, which he probably can feel, the dynamics in our marriage have changed. He's like actually trying now.

Wow I love this

Yesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not very interesting, or he wouldn't look for things to do that don't involve you. Did you gain a lot of weight recently?

Why would you say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Dad who loves to play tennis and would play for hours and hours everyday if I could. But I am a parent and I have responsibilities like taking kids to activities and helping with the house. Its certainly not fun but happy wife = happy life

instead of "divorce" just tell the hubs to man up. Every single comment on DCUM suggests divorce as the resolution

Lol any man who says he “helps” with the house or kids or anything is definitely doing 20% maximum. And doing it to make your wife happy and not just because you’re an adult and it’s YOUR sht to take care of is crazy. Men put it on women like women are the ones who make all the dirty dishes and wear all the clothes and they are the ones who need to be fed. Like it’s a crazy demand that comes with having a wife. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Dad who loves to play tennis and would play for hours and hours everyday if I could. But I am a parent and I have responsibilities like taking kids to activities and helping with the house. Its certainly not fun but happy wife = happy life

instead of "divorce" just tell the hubs to man up. Every single comment on DCUM suggests divorce as the resolution

Lol any man who says he “helps” with the house or kids or anything is definitely doing 20% maximum. And doing it to make your wife happy and not just because you’re an adult and it’s YOUR sht to take care of is crazy. Men put it on women like women are the ones who make all the dirty dishes and wear all the clothes and they are the ones who need to be fed. Like it’s a crazy demand that comes with having a wife. Jesus.

I'm convinced that being fed and having ones dishes washed is why men marry in the first place. Otherwise they think they could have a string of hot girlfriends into old age.