Picked DH Up From DCA- Boys Weekend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And he was drunk. I don't care about that. They had a brunch at the hotel and he had a couple wines on the plane. He used rail to get to the airport, and called me to collect him.No driving.

On the way home, he blurts that two of the six guys there have regular flings with women......... and, in fact, one of them brought back to the hotel a woman he met at the bar after dinner. Her name was Meredith and she spent the night. This wasn't my DH's room, but I have no doubt he's telling the truth. He's just like that. He said the other non-cheating dudes were just like "wow wow wow". Apparently, "Meredith" was just like the wives of men in our big circle. So, like, who the hell was she?

And they went on to fish/golf, out to dinner, etc. Like nothing had happened.

These are late 40s, educated, wealthy, white collar, white dudes in DC.

Just an FYI if your DH was away this weekend.

wet vagina makes the world go round. have you not figured this out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Women do not. What nonsense are you talking about? There is no way I am letting a friend use me as a cover for cheating. I'd never go on a trip with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Man here. I think most don't when you compare to men. Women who cheat are really in category of their own..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that there's now at least one poor wife in that circle who got cheated on and everyone knows it except her. To me, if I were you, OP, that would be intolerable.

The wife knows, she may be in denial or not care, but she knows.

Of course the wife knows. And to deal with it she tells herself the other woman was probably lied to lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Women most certainly cheat as much as men, but they don't do it with witnesses around. They hook up with colleagues on travel or fake a work trip and have a getaway weekend with exes. Ask me how I know.

How do you know?

1. Because my brother divorced a skank that had a reoccurring 'work trip' to Chicago every three or four months when it was really just two days of her getting smashed by her college ex.
2. I've lost count of the number of times I learned about a colleague's divorce being precipitated by an office affair.

This is what separates men from women..most men if their wives cheat they divorce them. Women need to start doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

We all have serious failings from which we need to be saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you posting here, OP? Don’t you know the wives of the friends your DH was with this weekend?

Do you approach your friends and tell them their DH slept with some floozy on a boys weekend?

She ended her post saying "FYI if your husband was away this weekend" which is why I asked that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you posting here, OP? Don’t you know the wives of the friends your DH was with this weekend?

Do you approach your friends and tell them their DH slept with some floozy on a boys weekend?

She ended her post saying "FYI if your husband was away this weekend" which is why I asked that.

OP won’t call those wives outta’ fear of what they might share about her own man’s participation ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d take it as a sign that your DH is a good guy because he certainly wouldn’t have told you if he didn’t find it shocking and was up to no good. I’d also try to limit his time with those idiots.

My ex gaslighted me in this manner. He’d tell me about friends in the group cheating and agree it was awful, poor wife, etc. so it seemed like he was one of the good ones- would never do that. I think when he was getting close to confessing it was also to see my reaction to something like that. When he was late, we’d make a silly joke about his “mistress”. We had a running “joke” about a skanky mistress and a made up back story. Well….guess what? Talk about a mind fk

OP- birds of a feather flock together is true. You are who your friends are. The married woman he cheated with also had a group of cheating friends. They also did girl trips and covered for one another with alibis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

We all have serious failings from which we need to be saved.

Or we could just be adults a deal with the consequences of our actions.

Saved does not mean excused or provide a clean slate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad but it also doesn’t surprise me.

I would be concerned about your DH because your own character can start to resemble those you hang around. I know this first hand — immediately after my divorce, I was surrounded by other men who encouraged me to sleep with as many women as possible. They were all living vicariously through me. This time period in my life was very confusing when I look back on it now. It fueled a lot of unhealthy personal behaviors and I ended up emotionally hurting a lot of women too. While I was ultimately responsible for my own actions, having these men laugh, joke, and externally validate me through talking crudely about what I was doing was definitely part of the problem.

Fast-forward to now — after having an extremely unexpected born-again experience in my early 40s — I now find myself surrounded by true friends, men and women at my church who are virtuous and have strong character. They aren’t perfect — none of us are — but these are the type of people who bring out the best in me. They do the right thing more times than not. They encourage strong character and help hold me accountable when I need that too. It’s a world of difference. I also work closely with with an executive coach who actively encourages me to be a better person and wants me to have strong character instead of like most shrinks who just tell you that whatever feeling or impulse you have should be acted upon.

I would never want to go back to hanging out with the first group now. I look back on it with some true level of horror. I hope that your DH finds a better set of friends who truly respect women, for his own sake.

I mean, guy who is into this scene of cheating and horrible ethics, and then ends up doubled down on religion. That completely tracks. The truly good guys are neither in the cheater nor religious groups. Guys who end up deeply religious have some serious failings from which they need to be saved.

We all have serious failings from which we need to be saved.

Or we could just be adults a deal with the consequences of our actions.

Saved does not mean excused or provide a clean slate.

Speaking in terms of Christianity — being “saved” also entails true heart level changes in your life. You cannot be “saved” and just keep living like you used to live.

And being saved does not mean there are no consequences in this world for what you have done — there may be consequences, even ongoing ones, and you do have to deal with those.

But you will not have consequences in the next life. Romans 8:1.

In terms of a “clean slate” — Christianity actually says something even more radical than a clean slate. Christianity says that when you have faith in Jesus — you get his record as a legal status before God. When God looks at you, he sees Jesus — because of what Jesus did on the cross. It is full substionary atonement. 2 Corthinians 5:21.

Whether you believe that or not is up to you, but I want to make sure the theological distinction is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Women do not. What nonsense are you talking about? There is no way I am letting a friend use me as a cover for cheating. I'd never go on a trip with someone like that.

BS. I used to bartend on weekends in Nashville. It happens pretty much every weekwnd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Women do not. What nonsense are you talking about? There is no way I am letting a friend use me as a cover for cheating. I'd never go on a trip with someone like that.

NP.

Um, yeah. That does happen. Happened with someone in a group I used to belong to. And separately, an old friend from college shared it happened on a girls’ weekend with her group too.

Why would anyone think these types of hookups are somehow limited only to men? That would not make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Please ask your DH for Meredith's number, she sounds fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend like women don't hook up on ladies weekend trips?

Women do not. What nonsense are you talking about? There is no way I am letting a friend use me as a cover for cheating. I'd never go on a trip with someone like that.

BS. I used to bartend on weekends in Nashville. It happens pretty much every weekwnd

Yep. They all get plowed on those “girls weekends.”