Family wedding (no kids) - Should we both attend or just DH while I stay home with our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Pipe down mom of 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: DH doesn't want to leave our kids with a sitter, but I think it's okay so we could both go.

A paid sitter would be ridiculously expensive.

We have taken our kids to the wedding locale so they can see family and then gotten a sitter there for the actual wedding.

That's what I was going to suggest as an alternative. Not sure why DH doesn't want to leave the kids with OP's family but can you bring them and get a sitter at the hotel for the reception? Or not even the whole reception (e.g., you cut out early)?

Isn’t DH’s family also going to be at the wedding? Everyone over 21 (most eligible babysitters) will be at the wedding. They may know some local babysitters who can watch your children though, OP.

[Anonymous]

How far is the travel? I would consider bringing them and using a local babysitter. I’ve done this approach twice successfully. I am also fine leaving my kids with family, but 4 is a lot to leave someone with, so this is another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Maybe it is if she's close to those kids or they are her own nieces and nephews. At no time has OP indicated that this was a close relationship. But stay shocked and hurt that some times some kids won't be invited. It's not your party, not your call.

[Anonymous]

Why can't your children be with family for a few days? It sounds like a nice trip away. You dont need to be glued to your children 24/7.

[Anonymous]

why is this thread 4 pages long? lolz

[Anonymous]

I can't tell how much OP wants to go to the wedding vs. feels obligated to go.

I would lean toward sending your husband alone. I agree that the no-kids rule is intentional, to keep costs from skyrocketing. No one will be mad that you didn't come. They're probably guessing that you won't.

However, I totally agree, if you REALLY want to go to this wedding, hire a sitter in your hometown and enjoy a weekend away with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

Nope. In the U.S., the average number of children under 18 per family was 1.94 in 2023, a decrease from 2.33 in 1960. You had more than double the average number of kids. You had a huge family, are bad at math, and seem dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much simpler for him to go alone. When people exclude kids from weddings, they should understand that it may impact which adults can attend.

Yep they are indifferent to guests attending. Go if you personally want to but feel absolutely no obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

Hang on a second. If the person getting married is OP's nephew, then aren't OP's kids the nephew's cousins? Maybe they have never met but it's not like these are distant relatives...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a ridiculous thread. OP has FOUR kids who aren't little. It's a NEPHEW getting married. In all likelihood it's the bride's family paying for the bulk of the wedding. And posters are laying guilt trips on the nephew for not inviting the whole, gigantic family.

OP chose to have a huge family. Good for her. But they can't ALL be invited to everything.

If OP wants to go, get a sitter and go. If she's doesn't want to do that, then great, the husband goes. Nobody is going to blink an eye. But the idea expressed by many that the couple should be "punished" or "face the consequences" of not inviting kids is so self-centered and ridiculous.

Yes, you have kids. You love them. That's great. Doesn't make any of them the Second Coming in the eyes of others.

I'm a parent of four (now grown) kids and I disagree with the bolded.

One, four kids is not a "huge" or "gigantic" family. One or two kids is small, three-five is kind of average, six-eight or nine is a large family. I feel like you need get into the double digits before you start describing a family as "gigantic."

But two, family size shouldn't dictate whether or not kids are included. If I found out my sibling with two kids had the whole family invited, but mine was not because we have more kids, I'd be very offended. I wouldn't go to the wedding, wouldn't send a gift.

The bride doesn't want 4 kids she's probably never met before taking up half a round table. It's a lot of kids and mouths to feed. She likely hasn't met OP before either. This was a family obligatory invite. Just send the husband and be done with it. Nobody cares if a distant relative will be offended her giant brood can't come.

But it's ok if a family with 2 kids (assuming approx. the same age) she's never met are taking up 1/3 of a round table?
Yeah, the couple can choose to invite or exclude whoever they want because it's their wedding, but to not invite someone because they have more siblings than their cousins do is just rude.
That doesn't appear to be the case in OP's situation though. OP said it's a 21+ wedding.

Where are you getting this from?

[Anonymous]

No kids is a given.
Only ? are
DH not go
DH go alone
DH and OP go drag kids and and use wedding area babysitters
DH and OP go leave kids home with home area sitters

OP should go if she really wants to. If not, polite decline.

[Anonymous]

My cousin revealed to me that making her wedding 21+ saved them tens of thousands in venue insurance. I guess the combination of serving alcohol + kids is expensive. I do think that's understandable.

[Anonymous]

BTW the outrage over kids not invited is a post boomer thing for sure.
Back in the 1990s people used to leave kids home and go to Hawaii ffs.

[Anonymous]

How about this. Assuming your kids are really well-behaved, you want to bring them on your trip, and you have a calm enough family to negotiate a little beyond the boundaries of standard etiquette.

Why not reach out to the bride and ask if your well-behaved children may attend the wedding only. Your whole family goes to the wedding.

Then only one parent attends the reception while the other parent watches the children.

The point of the day is actually to witness the wedding. Not to get a free meal or have a date to dance with, although those are courtesies.

I'm sure some people will flame about this. But just wanted to raise it. I have seen two variants of this strategy work well at times with no hard feelings on any side.