s/o: Force child to go to TJ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to know you're kid, not who you think your kid is. For one of my kids, they got in and there was zero hesitation that it was the right choice. The other, not so much and they stayed at base HS. Both were the correct choice for each individual kid.

Same situation with my family: both kids are exactly where they chose and where they should be: one at base school and one at TJ.

Parents: please listen to your children.

Collaborate on the decision but please don’t dictate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in the opposite situation. My kid really wants to go to TJ and I think his base school would be a better fit. I want him to get in and decide he doesn't want to go, so he doesn't feel rejected, but I think if he gets in he will not turn it down. Just a few more days to wait...

This was my case one year ago. I heard so many negative things about TJ (mostly here , not much in person actually), my kid does sport and I know he might have to give up if he goes to TJ... But my kid insisted on going, we went to preview night and talked to quite a few TJ families. At the end, I found no good reason to stop him. He is striving at TJ now.

[Anonymous]

Collaborate on the decision but please don’t dictate. +1

[Anonymous]

No. Do you want them to kill themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you strongly encourage- not force- your child if the students says “I don’t know” to TJ attendance? The student has strong math/science grades (99% IAAT, all As without retakes); the student is very reserved so he won’t decide on anything if he isn’t 100% sure he likes it/can do it; the student lacks confidence because there are “smarter” (child’s own words) kids in his base school whom he thinks should definitely go to TJ; the students is likely to pursue a STEM career because he is very “practical” in terms of finding jobs or income prospects in the future.

The bolded is pretty important to me, as someone who lived through TJ in what most would say was a less-competitive time. I would say TJ is a pretty rough environment for kids who lack academic confidence. Kids like your child who easily get As will suddenly be surrounded by everyone else who has also easily gotten As all their lives, and the competition was fierce even when I was there. It's wasn't competitive in a "I will take you out to get my own advantage" way either, but there was just a lot of academic one-up-manship.

Go to TJ because you want the post-AP classes they offer. Go to TJ for the peer group. Go to TJ because you are passionate about tech labs and mentorship. Go to TJ because you do math for fun. Go to TJ because you think science is amazing.

But I wouldn't say going to TJ is great because your kid will probably go into STEM because you can usually make a living that way. That's not passion, that's settling.

A place like TJ is not good for your academic confidence. It is a good place to get humbled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you strongly encourage- not force- your child if the students says “I don’t know” to TJ attendance? The student has strong math/science grades (99% IAAT, all As without retakes); the student is very reserved so he won’t decide on anything if he isn’t 100% sure he likes it/can do it; the student lacks confidence because there are “smarter” (child’s own words) kids in his base school whom he thinks should definitely go to TJ; the students is likely to pursue a STEM career because he is very “practical” in terms of finding jobs or income prospects in the future.

The bolded is pretty important to me, as someone who lived through TJ in what most would say was a less-competitive time. I would say TJ is a pretty rough environment for kids who lack academic confidence. Kids like your child who easily get As will suddenly be surrounded by everyone else who has also easily gotten As all their lives, and the competition was fierce even when I was there. It's wasn't competitive in a "I will take you out to get my own advantage" way either, but there was just a lot of academic one-up-manship.

Go to TJ because you want the post-AP classes they offer. Go to TJ for the peer group. Go to TJ because you are passionate about tech labs and mentorship. Go to TJ because you do math for fun. Go to TJ because you think science is amazing.

But I wouldn't say going to TJ is great because your kid will probably go into STEM because you can usually make a living that way. That's not passion, that's settling.

A place like TJ is not good for your academic confidence. It is a good place to get humbled.

And this is why I don’t want my kid to go. When I look at my office and see who is the most successful and effective, it’s the people with the most confidence and swagger. It’s not the people who are the smartest and hardest working. (And yes confidence comes from being prepared to a point but there are diminishing returns).

[Anonymous]

I absolutely wouldn't force them. TJ isn't for everyone and if the kid isn't fully in you are setting yourself up for failure. Most kids will still excel at their local school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't want to go, my parents first tried bribing me and then told me that's where I was going regardless of what I wanted. Once I found my group I loved it and I am glad I went. I am still very close to a lot of my TJ friends 20+ years later. BUT I would not push my children to go. Why? Because my kids don't love STEM. I really enjoyed math and logic so it was a better fit for me, also it's much more competitive seeming now than when I went. If my children want to go we will consider it, but not planning on forcing them.

+100
Something similar. DD has mathematical abilities. Never worked or gave much time to studies. We never pressured her to study. Only encouraged her. She felt like her life the way she knew it is over. All the friends being split into different highschools she didn’t even want to go to highschool. Hated the idea that they have such a long day. But she opted for it. Decided to go to TJ. She had a couple friends that were going.
She loves it there and has her group of friends and she told me so. So far has been performing well. So it turned out to be a good fit.
One should not force. The highschool area we bought our home at is also very competitive. So we were like it’s not like CHS would hand you the diploma just like that you’ll put in some extra at TJ that’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hypothetically, if your child does NOT want to go to TJ but ends up admitted to the class of 2029, should you, as the parent, force them into going anyway?

Yes / no. Why / why not?

My parents did and I thank them for it daily. I was too young to make good decisions and my reasons to not go were kind of lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely wouldn't force them. TJ isn't for everyone and if the kid isn't fully in you are setting yourself up for failure. Most kids will still excel at their local school.

Some posters here will say things like Don't go but it's not because they believe this, but to create waitlist movement. I'd try to understand the students reasons for reluctance to better evaluate this.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not! Too much commitment needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely wouldn't force them. TJ isn't for everyone and if the kid isn't fully in you are setting yourself up for failure. Most kids will still excel at their local school.

Some posters here will say things like Don't go but it's not because they believe this, but to create waitlist movement. I'd try to understand the students reasons for reluctance to better evaluate this.

And some of us legitimately have experience, but enjoy your conspiracy theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely wouldn't force them. TJ isn't for everyone and if the kid isn't fully in you are setting yourself up for failure. Most kids will still excel at their local school.

Some posters here will say things like Don't go but it's not because they believe this, but to create waitlist movement. I'd try to understand the students reasons for reluctance to better evaluate this.

And some of us legitimately have experience, but enjoy your conspiracy theory.

Yes, some of us have experience with pushy parents who will do anything to get their kid in like make up BS to create waitlist movement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely wouldn't force them. TJ isn't for everyone and if the kid isn't fully in you are setting yourself up for failure. Most kids will still excel at their local school.

Some posters here will say things like Don't go but it's not because they believe this, but to create waitlist movement. I'd try to understand the students reasons for reluctance to better evaluate this.

And some of us legitimately have experience, but enjoy your conspiracy theory.

Yes, some of us have experience with pushy parents who will do anything to get their kid in like make up BS to create waitlist movement.

My kids aren't in 8th and won't go to TJ anyway (bad personality fit for one, wouldn't be able to hack it academically for the other 2). I just experienced it as a happy alumni.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid took the entrance exam and has a good chance of getting in based on comparing notes with the other kids from his school who took the test (few took the test and several who did were either stumped by the math problem or did not finish the essays). But he does not want to go and I am not going to push him to go if he does get in. I wish the school was more like Harvard where the hardest thing is getting in. I don't think a cut throat, super competitive high school environment is actually that helpful for long term success.

DD is a junior. Her experience has not been “cut throat”. But the school has also intentionally tried to tone down the hyper competitiveness vibe that it seemed to have acquired in recent years.

While I much prefer Mr. Mukai as TJ’s principal, I can appreciate Dr. Bonitatibus’ intense focus on TJ students’ social and emotional well-being.

TJ is not easy. It is most definitely not the right fit for the vast majority of learners in FCPS.

But it need not be cut throat, and Dr. Bonitatibus sought out ways to increase a sense of collaboration and teamwork amongst the student body at TJ.

Agree they were very successful in detoxifying TJ.