Sacrificing own desires for elderly parents
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I love my parents and they love me, and I think we’ll just muddle through as best we can. |
Anonymous
disdain |
Anonymous
The generational ellipses again, surprise, surprise. |
Anonymous
Yes, I have no idea since I ACTUALLY FOUND ONE. but blather on |
Anonymous
Or you do what you can with your elderly parent(s) and model grace for your own DC - as the adult DC, I’m doing what I’m comfortable doing because my parent was cruel and abusive to me. I was there in the last moments. My DC know the backstory. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I maintained any sort of relationship with my parent. |
Anonymous
| With loving parents and an ordinary upbringing, you still do what seems appropriate. And never a tremendous amount more just because another adult might be mad. |
Anonymous
|
pp again. As with most DCUM threads, people are arguing the extremes.
Not helpful. |
Anonymous
No. In my family the opposite happened. My parents saw how many years of being there for grandparents and their emergencies and challenging behavior led to marital problems and illness and they went the opposite extreme-traveling like crazy and never available as their siblings destroyed their health. My parents also left us with even abusive sitters every chance they had and there is so much more, but then were quite entitled with aging. My dad at least had the common sense to be gracious which made it much easier. There are so many variables including parental expectations/personality/empathy/planning. My aunts and uncles who actually dealt with the many years of emergencies and so much more, even with their own illnesses, took the time to make sure they never put their own children through what they went through-they could not bare the thought of eating up their own kids if their decline was long and awful. So they moved to CCRCs, etc and low and behold their kids visited often because it was a pleasure. They were appreciated. They could enjoy their relatives and know there were supports in place. When parents refuse to move, even a minor emergency can turn into a trip the ER and a late night call and travel only to find out it was minor and if your parent were at AL, they nurse would have checked it out and determined if more intervention was needed. This isn't about a year or 2 of some inconveniences. I have been at this over 10 years between parents and inlaws and for some reason the kind ones make it easier and also don't live as long. It's the challenging, tantrumming, constant emergency (some real, some just drama and over-reaction), hostile ones, the ones who refuse to move and feel very entitled-those are the ones who live an extra long life that they don't seem to appreciate. My mother called me as I was recovering from surgery to make demands and then yelled at me and called me "selfish" when I said "no." I have spent a small fortune in therapy to finally be able to set boundaries with her despite the barrage of insults, threats and smear campaigns. She used to just save it for me, but once I stuck with my boundaries, she finally shows some of that to siblings/doctors/aides/drivers and low and behold quite a few non-family members have fired her. She has also re-written history to be the saint who isn't appreciated enough by her children. |
Anonymous
Won't be a surprise when your kid(s) treat you exactly the way you did your parents. Good luck! |
Anonymous
Actually no. The fastest way to ensure your adult kids will stay far away is to have them take a constant backseat to demanding grandma and watch their parents being miserable. I would never in a million years want my adult kids to sacrifice their careers, families and happiness to bail me out of my own failings. I really do not understand these selfish crap boomers who are so entitled! |
Anonymous
|
We are pretty much stuck due to this. It’s hard to even think about traveling anywhere far.
|
Anonymous
Noting you explain your parents were neglectful and manipulative. |
Anonymous
Oh honey, don't worry you sound like you will do a very good job of driving your kids far away from you all on your own. |
Anonymous
If you think you are spending a lot now, wait until the incoming administration cuts federal Medicaid funding. |
Anonymous
Lady, I'm already old as dirt, and I couldn't ask to be treated more kindly. Some of us elders overuse ellipses instead of making our points clearly. It's a typographical diarrhea. I think they make a cream for that. 
|