Feeling excluded... should we consider switching schools?

[Anonymous]

This is the big thing for me. She’s a new kid. It isn’t kindergarten when entire classes are invited so it’s not rude that she is not invited. But kids this age should know not to talk about parties in front of people not invited. And so it could get better. But this is why a larger school is better. No way would everyone invited to a party be in one classroom, there are tons of different groups and your kid wouldn’t know or wouldn’t care about being left out of something they aren’t a part of, and it’s harder to break into a group when there aren’t other people or even other options for her if she doesn’t like this group. I would never put my child in such a small setting like that unless we were already part of that community.

Social development is just as important as academic, may be more so these days. Don’t lose sight of that.

Except OP said that all of the other girls in the class WERE invited. It's rude to exclude only one or two kids. I don't understand how any parent does not get this - our rule was always if you are inviting more than 50% (of a class/team, etc.), you need to invite all. Teach your kids to be decent humans and have empathy for others.

[Anonymous]

Religious private get out
Barnesville small get out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The smaller the private school, the worse it is OP.

Wrong. We switched to a small private in 5th grade and could not be happier.

NP. Glad you were lucky. Smaller often can be worse, but is not always worse.

Challenge is whether DC's particular cohort are nice and are inclusive. No way to tell a priori if they will or will not be. Cohort OP describes clearly is not. I was in OP's DC's new student situation at that grade. For me, it got better at the school's next expansion year, but it was pretty rough for me socially until then.

My sympathies both to OP and DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you reach out to the other parents, are you using the word “playdate” when you invite their kids over? Language usually shifts in middle school. 6th graders “hang out” or “get together.” If you’re inviting them for a “playdate,” that could be off-putting.

I also agree with PPs that it’s pretty normal for you/your DD to need to invite other kids more than once before they start thinking of including/inviting her, especially if the group is already well established.

11 year olds don’t have play dates. They make plans to hang out on their own. Parents give them rides.

Um, no this is not true. We very much still work things out with the parents since we are providing transportation and most of my 11 year old's friends do not have phones.

[Anonymous]

Small privates are the worst at this age.