24 year old crush on 35 year old

[Anonymous]

When I was 24 and on dating apps I’d get major ick when a 30+ year old messaged me. It was different if I was set up through a family friend, but 24 and 35 is a big gap. I’m 35 now.

[Anonymous]

When I was 25, I started dating someone who was 38 (my parents were NOT thrilled.) We got married when I was 29 and he was 42. We have been together for 25y.

I will say it is more challenging now at 50/63 as he is looking towards retirement, and I have a way to go. I love DH, and I don't regret marrying him, but if I could do it again, I would choose someone within a decade or less of me.

[Anonymous]

Of course it’s normal!!! What is wrong with you OP?

[Anonymous]

Gross. I'd encourage her NOT to go for a mid 30s dude hitting on young women. He sounds like a predator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 24 and on dating apps I’d get major ick when a 30+ year old messaged me. It was different if I was set up through a family friend, but 24 and 35 is a big gap. I’m 35 now.

I'm 35, DH 36, all our friends around this age. If any of our friends were dating a 24 year old we'd be so creeped out.

[Anonymous]

Not advisable is not the same as inappropriate. One of the happiest couples I know has a 10 year age gap. But, they met when she was 30.

I agree with those who say the bigger issue is that this is at work.

[Anonymous]

I did date a 34 year old when I was 22. Looking back, he was very immature and always went younger in terms of dating. He pressured me to do things that felt predatory. He told me he didn't like dating women his age because they were all bitter... the relationship did not end well, although he was contacting me for years after, but I would ignore the messages.

Of course this age gap can work, but it depends on the ages of the individuals and their maturity levels and if they are a good fit.

I do think being at work is an issue as well, so tread lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as he’s not married, what’s the problem?

Different life stages makes it inappropriate right? /OP

No. There is no problem with this at all. They are in the same life stage…never married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this a problem? Do you envision her to be a teenager and he is an adult? I mean, 35 year olds are still in an extended adolescence too in this generation- with exceptions of course, but it looks like adulting doesn't even start till 40s now.

But assuming they are both fairly mature- where is ths problem?

I just have always thought an agegap of 1 decade is a bit too much /OP

You are wrong. I know many people with 10-12 year age gaps who are married (first and only marriage). It’s actually very surprising. You don’t know this because you seem very naïve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a 24 year old wanted to get engaged to her 24 year old steady boyfriend, DCUM would've tripped even if both were well employed.

However, relationship with a decade+ older senior colleague seems acceptable to them. That's kind of surprising!

I got married at 25 (we were both employed, post grad school). I have no issue with the age difference here. Plus this is a crush, not a relationship! Are we policing thoughts now?

+1. Are you really overseeing your adult DD’s crushes now? God help us.

+1

[Anonymous]

To some people this would seem like too much of an age gap. It would to me. My husband and I, our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles are all married to people within 2 years of the same age.

[Anonymous]

Meh. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. He’s 35, probably has had a ton of partners, and is at a different stage in life. The 10 year difference could cause an imbalance in terms of power differential if they get serious bc he’s been there done that and she will defer to him/take his lead rather than rely/ trust herself and grow as an independent person (depending upon her personality). While 35 is not so old that you are wondering why hasn't he already launched with a serious relationship it’s creeping up there. Have her tread carefully…could be heartbreak ahead…

[Anonymous]

Wait! PP- I just read that he’s a crush and they are not actually dating. Do you think she floated that by you bc they will date or is she just having a fun crush that won’t turn into anything? If the latter-relax! We have no idea if he’d even date her anyways

[Anonymous]

Let it play out but advise her to keep her business out of the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 25, I started dating someone who was 38 (my parents were NOT thrilled.) We got married when I was 29 and he was 42. We have been together for 25y.

I will say it is more challenging now at 50/63 as he is looking towards retirement, and I have a way to go. I love DH, and I don't regret marrying him, but if I could do it again, I would choose someone within a decade or less of me.

Well yes…and of course you will really regret it if he declines physically at 68 when you are 55 (as an example) and you become his nurse.

Thats when people really regret the age gap.