What do you think of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.

You did absolutely nothing wrong and everyone should be thanking you for stepping in.

OP, you did nothing wrong. If your husband (the father of the sick kid) did something wrong is somewhat debatable and really depends on the custody agreement, but YOU did nothing wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.

You are fine. Let him handle the ex. I'd move on mentally if you can.

Thanks. He handles all communications with his ex and 98% of what step-daughter needs. He sucks at hair-do's and I don't.

Back to work for me. I half suspect his ex found the thread.

OP, you asked why there's pushback. People are trying to tell you-- it's possibly because you and your DH may have not done a good job. You can agree or disagree. But if you and your DH don't even know what a good job look like, and don't try to figure it out, then you're going to have this kind of issue ongoing.

You are the ONLY one trying to tell her that because you have issues. The rest of us are telling her it was totally fine for dad to leave his daughter with his wife.

DP. Um no, that’s not what everyone is saying.

I still want to know if dad insisted on taking her on “his” day.

Oh how I wish OP doesn't respond to you. You are the only one pretending to be many people. You don't deserve an answer, you hateful shrew.

um wow, Ok.

out of all the weird subsets of DCUM posters, the poster who believes there is one person “pretending” to be everyone who disagrees with her is … quite weird.

You are posting repeatedly pretending to be multiple people so yes, that's weird.

what’s weird is that you think you can tell that!

[Anonymous]

The dynamics of the relationship between the parents is important here too.

I need to stick to the parenting plan as written because my ex and I have a high conflict relationship. So unless the kid was too sick to move, she would be delivered to Dad’s at the time dictated in the plan.

But lots of coparents have better relationships, and would keep a kid where she was most comfortable and switch days when she was better (or not). Those parents probably also wouldn’t throw a tantrum if another responsible adult babysat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally fine. You give up control when you divorce. You don't get to second-guess reasonable decisions or insist on parental care at all times.


OP, it sounds like you want your ex to have missed work out of some misguided notion of "fairness"-- "I used my annual leave so he should use his annual leave". That's nuts. If the child was safe, well cared-for, and reasonably happy (for a sick kid), then you have nothing to complain about.

I'm stepmom, wondering if I did something wrong. I wanted opinions not affected by stepmom dislike. I had the ability to use leave, so I did. Now there's backlash.

NP. I don't think you did anything wrong, based on information provided. If I understand correctly, Mom is upset because SHE had to use leave, and Dad did not have to, because you (stepmom) was able to? If so, you're not wrong-the ill child was cared for.

The only way I'd have a problem (as Mom) was if Mom was available to care for ill DD on Dad's days, and he did not offer the time. But I don't think that is the case here, based on the info provided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. DH has taken time off before to take her to doctor's appointments, and stayed with her after she had tubes put in her ears so Mom didn't have to take time off even though it was during her time. He books days off when she's with us on non-school days.

His meeting was booked well in advance. He had been preparing for a while.

You are fine. Let him handle the ex. I'd move on mentally if you can.

Thanks. He handles all communications with his ex and 98% of what step-daughter needs. He sucks at hair-do's and I don't.

Back to work for me. I half suspect his ex found the thread.

OP, you asked why there's pushback. People are trying to tell you-- it's possibly because you and your DH may have not done a good job. You can agree or disagree. But if you and your DH don't even know what a good job look like, and don't try to figure it out, then you're going to have this kind of issue ongoing.

You are the ONLY one trying to tell her that because you have issues. The rest of us are telling her it was totally fine for dad to leave his daughter with his wife.

DP. Um no, that’s not what everyone is saying.

I still want to know if dad insisted on taking her on “his” day.

Oh how I wish OP doesn't respond to you. You are the only one pretending to be many people. You don't deserve an answer, you hateful shrew.

um wow, Ok.

out of all the weird subsets of DCUM posters, the poster who believes there is one person “pretending” to be everyone who disagrees with her is … quite weird.

You are posting repeatedly pretending to be multiple people so yes, that's weird.

what’s weird is that you think you can tell that!

Not weird. You're just not that smart.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think maybe you're feeling defensive because you realize on some level that his ex has a point. If your DH didn't fully handle the responsibilities of his day, either by delegating to you or by handling them on his own, then co-parenting is going to be difficult.

And you need to look very hard at what kind of man you married, what kind of parenting partner he actually is, while you're raising a child with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think maybe you're feeling defensive because you realize on some level that his ex has a point. If your DH didn't fully handle the responsibilities of his day, either by delegating to you or by handling them on his own, then co-parenting is going to be difficult.

And you need to look very hard at what kind of man you married, what kind of parenting partner he actually is, while you're raising a child with him.

I didn't think OP was being defensive at all. Where are you getting that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think maybe you're feeling defensive because you realize on some level that his ex has a point. If your DH didn't fully handle the responsibilities of his day, either by delegating to you or by handling them on his own, then co-parenting is going to be difficult.

And you need to look very hard at what kind of man you married, what kind of parenting partner he actually is, while you're raising a child with him.

I didn't think OP was being defensive at all. Where are you getting that?

Because she's ignoring people's questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think maybe you're feeling defensive because you realize on some level that his ex has a point. If your DH didn't fully handle the responsibilities of his day, either by delegating to you or by handling them on his own, then co-parenting is going to be difficult.

And you need to look very hard at what kind of man you married, what kind of parenting partner he actually is, while you're raising a child with him.

I didn't think OP was being defensive at all. Where are you getting that?

Because she's ignoring people's questions.

Uhm, what!? She said she had to go back to work. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think maybe you're feeling defensive because you realize on some level that his ex has a point. If your DH didn't fully handle the responsibilities of his day, either by delegating to you or by handling them on his own, then co-parenting is going to be difficult.

And you need to look very hard at what kind of man you married, what kind of parenting partner he actually is, while you're raising a child with him.

I didn't think OP was being defensive at all. Where are you getting that?

Because she's ignoring people's questions.

She went back to work because crazy found the thread.

[Anonymous]

Mother should have rights of first refusal, as should dad. If the custodial parent is not available, the noncustodial parent should be the first to get offered that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally fine. You give up control when you divorce. You don't get to second-guess reasonable decisions or insist on parental care at all times.


OP, it sounds like you want your ex to have missed work out of some misguided notion of "fairness"-- "I used my annual leave so he should use his annual leave". That's nuts. If the child was safe, well cared-for, and reasonably happy (for a sick kid), then you have nothing to complain about.

I'm stepmom, wondering if I did something wrong. I wanted opinions not affected by stepmom dislike. I had the ability to use leave, so I did. Now there's backlash.

NP. I don't think you did anything wrong, based on information provided. If I understand correctly, Mom is upset because SHE had to use leave, and Dad did not have to, because you (stepmom) was able to? If so, you're not wrong-the ill child was cared for.

The only way I'd have a problem (as Mom) was if Mom was available to care for ill DD on Dad's days, and he did not offer the time. But I don't think that is the case here, based on the info provided.

You are correct. Both in what Mom is upset with and that she wasn't available without missing more time. There isn't usually a lot of drama. She doesn't get upset when I attend extra curricular activities with dad or anything like that. We're all polite.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd ask to have the thread closed. Some moms are not going to let it go, and have their own baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally fine. You give up control when you divorce. You don't get to second-guess reasonable decisions or insist on parental care at all times.


OP, it sounds like you want your ex to have missed work out of some misguided notion of "fairness"-- "I used my annual leave so he should use his annual leave". That's nuts. If the child was safe, well cared-for, and reasonably happy (for a sick kid), then you have nothing to complain about.

I'm stepmom, wondering if I did something wrong. I wanted opinions not affected by stepmom dislike. I had the ability to use leave, so I did. Now there's backlash.

NP. I don't think you did anything wrong, based on information provided. If I understand correctly, Mom is upset because SHE had to use leave, and Dad did not have to, because you (stepmom) was able to? If so, you're not wrong-the ill child was cared for.

The only way I'd have a problem (as Mom) was if Mom was available to care for ill DD on Dad's days, and he did not offer the time. But I don't think that is the case here, based on the info provided.

You are correct. Both in what Mom is upset with and that she wasn't available without missing more time. There isn't usually a lot of drama. She doesn't get upset when I attend extra curricular activities with dad or anything like that. We're all polite.

I doubt mom is mad in the abstract because she thought it was unfair she took leave and dad did not. It’s not an issue of her leave - it’s that dad showed (perhaps in a pattern of such behavior) that he puts himself & his job above a sick child. It’s that mom put kid first and he did not.

Did she want the sick child to stay with her and dad refused, only to go to work anyway? You still have not answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's totally fine. You give up control when you divorce. You don't get to second-guess reasonable decisions or insist on parental care at all times.


OP, it sounds like you want your ex to have missed work out of some misguided notion of "fairness"-- "I used my annual leave so he should use his annual leave". That's nuts. If the child was safe, well cared-for, and reasonably happy (for a sick kid), then you have nothing to complain about.

I'm stepmom, wondering if I did something wrong. I wanted opinions not affected by stepmom dislike. I had the ability to use leave, so I did. Now there's backlash.

NP. I don't think you did anything wrong, based on information provided. If I understand correctly, Mom is upset because SHE had to use leave, and Dad did not have to, because you (stepmom) was able to? If so, you're not wrong-the ill child was cared for.

The only way I'd have a problem (as Mom) was if Mom was available to care for ill DD on Dad's days, and he did not offer the time. But I don't think that is the case here, based on the info provided.

You are correct. Both in what Mom is upset with and that she wasn't available without missing more time. There isn't usually a lot of drama. She doesn't get upset when I attend extra curricular activities with dad or anything like that. We're all polite.

I doubt mom is mad in the abstract because she thought it was unfair she took leave and dad did not. It’s not an issue of her leave - it’s that dad showed (perhaps in a pattern of such behavior) that he puts himself & his job above a sick child. It’s that mom put kid first and he did not.

Did she want the sick child to stay with her and dad refused, only to go to work anyway? You still have not answered.

Dad made arrangements for the child to be properly cared for. That's all you need to know.