Coping with night before custody transition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Other than going to the courts, no. You can still have a mid week dinner through school. Not sure why that's the issue.

Issue because NC parent would pick up kids at school (no aftercare) and keep them until school drop off next morning. Having a mid-week overnight seems too disorientating for the kids.

One of your kids is a teenager, have them borrow a friend’s phone before school, at lunch or after school to call you. Kids have their phones confiscated by parents all the time and they just borrow someone else’s.

[Anonymous]

You can absolutely say “that isn’t true.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if the court order states they’re allowed phone calls with other parent and he’s denying them this then he is in violation of the order. You do need to go to court and tell them he’s violating the order.
This sounds like a horrible situation. Hope it can improve for all of you.

OP.
What do the courts do in this case? I don’t understand how the court can force compliance when the violation is interfering with communication. I doubt a judge would send someone to jail for this. Fines won’t matter btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Would the school(s) agree to facilitate a call on the non-custodial weeks?

I don't know the answer to forcing the issue during your non-custodial time. On the one hand I think there's value in letting your kids know you are there for them/fought to have contact. I'd ask on this forum for experiences or talk to a therapist.

I would love to be able to speak to the kids, especially the younger one, during NC weeks while they aren’t around other parent. Has anyone here had success with this through school?

Wondering about who to approach first, best time of day, if other parent was informed of arrangement, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you text?
Short and uplifting.
Just wanted to know I am thinking of you today as you have your math quiz....
Can you commit to watching a show that they watch at the same time and text after?
My DD is a little older and watches reality TV shows so you could text something like - I could not believe the ending

I am not sure of your agreement - but just things that are very neutral and could never be misconstrued as interfering

Yes! DC actually said that we could start watching so and so show together once I catch up to where she is.
Looks like I’ll be binge watching for a few days!

Quick update on this idea: I finished Season 1 last night and am excited to start Season 2 with teen DC next week! Side note: didn’t realize how much mature content was in this show. At least it might open up some doors to deeper conversations. Thanks again for the idea, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Other than going to the courts, no. You can still have a mid week dinner through school. Not sure why that's the issue.

Issue because NC parent would pick up kids at school (no aftercare) and keep them until school drop off next morning. Having a mid-week overnight seems too disorientating for the kids.

One of your kids is a teenager, have them borrow a friend’s phone before school, at lunch or after school to call you. Kids have their phones confiscated by parents all the time and they just borrow someone else’s.

School also “confiscates” the phones during the school day. Turned in when they arrive and not given back until end of school day. I will ask if Facetiming on school laptop would be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Would the school(s) agree to facilitate a call on the non-custodial weeks?

I don't know the answer to forcing the issue during your non-custodial time. On the one hand I think there's value in letting your kids know you are there for them/fought to have contact. I'd ask on this forum for experiences or talk to a therapist.

Yes, it’s difficult to know if I should tell them I tried to call and other parent is refusing. It’s a fine line between disparaging other parent.

Anyone want to share how they discuss similar situations with their kids, or if you’ve chosen not to discuss, what impact has that had on your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to court may not fix if already in order. What does your lawyer say?

I can’t afford one rn and would have to file pro se.

In my experience with someone like this, going back to FC may make things worse in ways that can’t be anticipated. I’d focus on things you DO have control over. Hugs, Op, it is really hard. Best to you and the kids,

Thank you!
I have read the same: going back to court will likely make things worse. I like your motto of focusing on what I can control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Would the school(s) agree to facilitate a call on the non-custodial weeks?

I don't know the answer to forcing the issue during your non-custodial time. On the one hand I think there's value in letting your kids know you are there for them/fought to have contact. I'd ask on this forum for experiences or talk to a therapist.

Yes, it’s difficult to know if I should tell them I tried to call and other parent is refusing. It’s a fine line between disparaging other parent.

Anyone want to share how they discuss similar situations with their kids, or if you’ve chosen not to discuss, what impact has that had on your relationship?

No, you don't discuss it with the kids. Email the ex and tell them you want a phone call at xx time in advance and if that's not good ask them to set a time and given them a timeframe when you are available. Document it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if the court order states they’re allowed phone calls with other parent and he’s denying them this then he is in violation of the order. You do need to go to court and tell them he’s violating the order.
This sounds like a horrible situation. Hope it can improve for all of you.

OP.
What do the courts do in this case? I don’t understand how the court can force compliance when the violation is interfering with communication. I doubt a judge would send someone to jail for this. Fines won’t matter btw.

They will do nothing. If OP has every other week, leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. They don’t want to go back to their mother?

Why do you assume op is a man?

Safe assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why no communication? Not even phone calls? That doesn’t seem healthy for parent or kid. Can non custodial parent have dinner with kid in middle of off week? If both parents do this, it’s still “fair” in terms of time.

Would love to see them mid-week for dinner but not an option. Order states (and for good reason) that transitions are to be through school.

Considering that, any other ideas that might work for us? Thanks

Other than going to the courts, no. You can still have a mid week dinner through school. Not sure why that's the issue.

Issue because NC parent would pick up kids at school (no aftercare) and keep them until school drop off next morning. Having a mid-week overnight seems too disorientating for the kids.

One of your kids is a teenager, have them borrow a friend’s phone before school, at lunch or after school to call you. Kids have their phones confiscated by parents all the time and they just borrow someone else’s.

School also “confiscates” the phones during the school day. Turned in when they arrive and not given back until end of school day. I will ask if Facetiming on school laptop would be allowed.

What about after school? Have you kid call when their friend gets the phone back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if the court order states they’re allowed phone calls with other parent and he’s denying them this then he is in violation of the order. You do need to go to court and tell them he’s violating the order.
This sounds like a horrible situation. Hope it can improve for all of you.

OP.
What do the courts do in this case? I don’t understand how the court can force compliance when the violation is interfering with communication. I doubt a judge would send someone to jail for this. Fines won’t matter btw.

They can change custody, fine, hold in contempt, etc. just like they do with child support.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and would be absolutely fine with arranging for a time when you cousin talk to your child. It's not always logistically possible but most teachers I know would work with you to do what's in the child's best interest,