I don’t have anything meaningful in my life besides my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - I am the same, I have nothing else. We already have a dog. I have never been a hobby person. I get it OP.

Same. Job is pretty high powered I guess but for me it’s just collecting a paycheck. It doesn’t bring joy. Between that and parenting there just isn’t much time for anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Absolutely love this. I know this lady in my neighborhood who was deeply unhappy as a SAHM and hated the job recognition and prestige her husband got, she spent thousands of his money on an MBA from Hopkins just to become a social media influencer with the most cringeworthy series of selfies of her obese, mustachioed face all in a desperate effort to validate her existence outside of motherhood. There are ways, and there are ways.

Nasty

Yes quite nasty especially the mustaches.

Envy is pouring out of this post. Its not like she is shooting endangered animals.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(And DH. But DH also works a lot and we are deep in middle aged parenting, so the romantic part of the relationship takes a back seat to a lot of every day life.)

I work PT when kids are in school but it’s not very fulfilling work and I do it just for the paycheck and to contribute to family finances.

I have friends but everyone is busy with family life now.

Taking care of my kids is basically the only thing in my life that feels meaningful now. And their happiness, development, accomplishments and the growth are the only thing I feel I have meaningfully contributed to in my life. On the upside, I feel a lot of fulfillment from being with them. Downside is that i take it very personally when they fall behind on something or don’t measure up to their peers in certain. I feel like a failure as a mom and more fundamentally as a person since my identity is so closely tied to my role as a mother.

I’m guessing the answer is to get accomplishments of my own, but I am not really talented or skilled. I don’t want to lean in with my job or find another one.

Anyone relate or have advice?

You are enough. You are doing enough. You don't need to complicate your life to fulfill society's current definition of a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nasty

Yes quite nasty especially the mustaches.

Envy is pouring out of this post. Its not like she is shooting endangered animals.

I read this more as disgusted, not envious. But you do you, Boo. Maybe you’re this lady. Just FYI you need a wax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are raising children at home AND being a productive member of public society at your job?


You already are a major success!

If you're looking for fun, keep brainstorming. But if you are looking for a sense of achievement, all you need is an attitude adjustment.

Absolutely love this. I know this lady in my neighborhood who was deeply unhappy as a SAHM and hated the job recognition and prestige her husband got, she spent thousands of his money on an MBA from Hopkins just to become a social media influencer with the most cringeworthy series of selfies of her obese, mustachioed face all in a desperate effort to validate her existence outside of motherhood. There are ways, and there are ways.

Sounds like her husband has a very low self esteem. Why would anyone want to be married to an obese woman who resents you for being successful. Dude has some serious issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join a book club! They are casual, so you can skip one meeting if a kid thing comes up, but the sense of community is great.

How do you even find a book club if you don’t already have friends?

[Anonymous]

NP. I am like you OP and know exactly how you feel. I volunteer in all my kids' activities, that's a great way to meet other like-minded people, see how organizations work behind the scenes, and if you are inclined, you can hold the volunteer 'leadership' positions. I do knit too, it's easier if you start by joining a class or group so you've got that social structure to keep going with whatever hobby you pick. Not sure how it'll end when the kids don't need me any more but I figure I'll have tried many different hobbies and met many interesting people along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join a book club! They are casual, so you can skip one meeting if a kid thing comes up, but the sense of community is great.

How do you even find a book club if you don’t already have friends?

Go to a senior living facility

[Anonymous]

OP, don't think of it as a chore! Instead, think back to pre-kids. What were your interests? Some of them are probably not interesting to you anymore, but others probably are.

I find I'm hanging out with friends more, planning friend trips (too hard when kids were younger), reading. Or maybe there is something work-adjacent that you can do, a kind of hobby/work combination that's more for fun than for money, but maybe brings in a little something rather than costing you money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't think of it as a chore! Instead, think back to pre-kids. What were your interests? Some of them are probably not interesting to you anymore, but others probably are.

I find I'm hanging out with friends more, planning friend trips (too hard when kids were younger), reading. Or maybe there is something work-adjacent that you can do, a kind of hobby/work combination that's more for fun than for money, but maybe brings in a little something rather than costing you money.

I didn’t really have interests pre kids. I spent most of my 20s working a ton to get the flexibility I need in my job now, which helps me work part time. Had no time for hobbies. And now, with kids and and job, it’s even harder to fit in a hobby. Any time I have free time, I just want to veg out on the couch and do something mindless to relax

[Anonymous]

Read Mans Search for Meaning. It will change your tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't think of it as a chore! Instead, think back to pre-kids. What were your interests? Some of them are probably not interesting to you anymore, but others probably are.

I find I'm hanging out with friends more, planning friend trips (too hard when kids were younger), reading. Or maybe there is something work-adjacent that you can do, a kind of hobby/work combination that's more for fun than for money, but maybe brings in a little something rather than costing you money.

I didn’t really have interests pre kids. I spent most of my 20s working a ton to get the flexibility I need in my job now, which helps me work part time. Had no time for hobbies. And now, with kids and and job, it’s even harder to fit in a hobby. Any time I have free time, I just want to veg out on the couch and do something mindless to relax

Something I learned from reading too many productivity books in my early 30s when my kids were little is that vegging doesn't tend to relax you, it makes you more tired. Doing an activity that gives you a sense of meaning or produces a tangible result might end up making you feel more invigorated and rested than mindless activity, which usually leaves people feeling wiped out. Or, as the saying goes, "A change is as good as a rest." Sure it's harder to start, but you feel better afterward.

Get outside and go for a walk. Volunteer. Start a book club through your PTA, neighborhood association, or local pool (all places I've seen book clubs started in my area in the past couple years). Get neighbors together for bunco night. Start a supper club with 2 or 3 other families in your neighborhood where you have a monthly potluck. Join a hiking group. Coach or volunteer in a sports league your kids are part of. Help out with Scouts.

There's so many ways to find meaning that you can start within the circles you already have as a mom, you know?

[Anonymous]

I went through your phase. Sounds like you are lost. IMO we are on earth for a reason/s, and you don’t seem to know who you are and why you’re here. Who you are—meaning who you really are—despite what others say about you. Knowing who you are will point the way.

Joining book clubs, getting a dog/ new friends /hobby can help point the way, but I think these are more distractions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through your phase. Sounds like you are lost. IMO we are on earth for a reason/s, and you don’t seem to know who you are and why you’re here. Who you are—meaning who you really are—despite what others say about you. Knowing who you are will point the way.

Joining book clubs, getting a dog/ new friends /hobby can help point the way, but I think these are more distractions.

Valuable book on this is Essentialism.

But I will warn the OP that after I read that book, I came away with my purpose being "Love as well as possible the people who I am put with," which is mostly my family .