Pulling HSers out of school for Sibling out of State Wedding

[Anonymous]

If it's just a day, yes I'd go. I tend to think family weddings are pretty important, especially if there aren't a TON of them (like 10+ first cousins).

But I think the advice to let your child lead if an ok one too. If it's going to cause too much stress, it's ok to leave them home.

[Anonymous]

I would. I'm pulling son out for sibling's college graduation next week. He's also a junior. One day is not a big deal. When I call I just say we have an out of town family event. I've never had school question it.

[Anonymous]

If it’s more than one day, given your child is struggling, I would not have him miss school. That said I can’t see why it would need to be more than one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's just a day, yes I'd go. I tend to think family weddings are pretty important, especially if there aren't a TON of them (like 10+ first cousins).

But I think the advice to let your child lead if an ok one too. If it's going to cause too much stress, it's ok to leave them home.

As a parent with a kid who went through what OP’s kid is going through now, it’s not good to let the kid take the lead.

School anxiety/avoidance involves a lot of shame and embarrassment. The kid doesn’t want to be messing up. The kid knows how to work, has the IQ to do it and believes that he will. The problem isn’t even motivation, it’s execution, paralysis and shame/hiding from failure. The kid will feel he needs to say yes and it won’t go well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's just a day, yes I'd go. I tend to think family weddings are pretty important, especially if there aren't a TON of them (like 10+ first cousins).

But I think the advice to let your child lead if an ok one too. If it's going to cause too much stress, it's ok to leave them home.

As a parent with a kid who went through what OP’s kid is going through now, it’s not good to let the kid take the lead.

School anxiety/avoidance involves a lot of shame and embarrassment. The kid doesn’t want to be messing up. The kid knows how to work, has the IQ to do it and believes that he will. The problem isn’t even motivation, it’s execution, paralysis and shame/hiding from failure. The kid will feel he needs to say yes and it won’t go well.

I can't imagine saying "I'm taking your well performing little sister but not you to Uncle Danny's wedding" would go over better, but it's not my family.

I still think family weddings are important, even with a stressful school situation.

[Anonymous]

Op if you have a child who is struggling (like I do) you find yourself in a lot of little jams that wouldn’t be a problem at all if you kid was different. Ultimately the only way to get through it is just to do what YOU think is right and not second guess yourself. Easier said than done but that’s the only thing I’ve found that works. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's just a day, yes I'd go. I tend to think family weddings are pretty important, especially if there aren't a TON of them (like 10+ first cousins).

But I think the advice to let your child lead if an ok one too. If it's going to cause too much stress, it's ok to leave them home.

As a parent with a kid who went through what OP’s kid is going through now, it’s not good to let the kid take the lead.

School anxiety/avoidance involves a lot of shame and embarrassment. The kid doesn’t want to be messing up. The kid knows how to work, has the IQ to do it and believes that he will. The problem isn’t even motivation, it’s execution, paralysis and shame/hiding from failure. The kid will feel he needs to say yes and it won’t go well.

I can't imagine saying "I'm taking your well performing little sister but not you to Uncle Danny's wedding" would go over better, but it's not my family.

I still think family weddings are important, even with a stressful school situation.

I wasn’t suggesting taking the other kid! OP should go by herself. Weddings are not more important than your kid’s mental health. It’s hard to understand if you don’t have a kid suffering from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nearly 50yo brother is planning to marry in October. Got the text yesterday and he asked me about the dates. One of my kids will be a Junior...therapy for school related anxiety. Both kids are involved in sports and music too.

I, of course, will be going no matter what.

You don't know the kids schedules for next October. Could either or both be missing a game? Out of state means zip without further info. Family and friends, including DH and myself, have gone to out of state weddings where we flew or did amtrak on Saturday and Sunday. No days off or school missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nearly 50yo brother is planning to marry in October. Got the text yesterday and he asked me about the dates. One of my kids will be a Junior then. I’m not keen on pulling my kids out of school generally, but this is my only sibling (DH is an only).

Anyone BTDT with a high school Junior? It is a stressful year from what I recall and my kid just started therapy for school related anxiety. Both kids are involved in sports and music too.

I, of course, will be going no matter what.

Sounds like your kid needs a break from activities.

[Anonymous]

Sure, if they want to go.

Are they close to the uncle?

I have booked cancellable travel for my kid before for stuff like this (visiting grandparents where I am going to go regardless) and told them they can let me know if they want to go X days before. That way it's not a lot of pressure before they know what they're facing. Once they went, once they didn't. When they didn't go I just got a flight voucher for next time Lodging wasn't impacted. I'd do this and give them until the wedding headcount is due (surely your brother will understand).

My kid has missed about 14 days this year. This spring they missed an entire week for COVID where they weren't even really that sick but it's a rule and then one entire week for pneumonia. Four days for travel and a regular cold (in the fall). So much disproportionate sickness this year! At first they were nervous about missing work but in the end they have realized it's been OK for them. They are going to finish the year with a 4.0 unweighted unless something goes terribly awry. I would not do this for a school-anxious or academically-struggling child.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the school. Junior year is a tough year, but some schools are tougher than others (or at least harder to make up work).