Too many people use careers that bring in a lot of money as signs of success or winners. You know there’s a lot of pushing to be something that the parents want and too many think their kids want the same life they grew up in. Maybe, maybe not. |
+1 I interview for an Ivy university as an alum, and I've yet to see any teenager say they want to be an investment banker. The hours are long, and the work is mostly soul crushing. The kids who want to be investment bankers are those with huge student loans to pay off (who usually aren't that aware of the pay scales in the top finance jobs before they enter their elite colleges) or those whose parents were in those careers and can help them get in. |
By letting them do things they are interested in and passionate about instead of trying to not be a loser. |
+100 DH and I make a comfortable income and live in an UMC area in the DMV, but we were both the first in our families to go to college and are from low-income backgrounds. We KNOW for a fact that our grit, perseverance, and mental toughness were what got us to where we are. Instilling that in our kids when they have the comforts of an UMC existence is not easy. But by being strict parents (none of that "gentle parenting" BS) and instilling firm boundaries and family rules in our kids -- I will force my kids to get a minimum wage job when they turn 16, as well as require them to play a team sport in high school and take the most rigorous course load that their high school offers -- I know that our kids will have the resilience necessary for future success. |
Do you force them to get 100s on all their exams too? Just wondering how you do that. |
Honest answer: make them feel like love is conditional and given only in breadcrumbs based on accomplishment, and that doing only okay at something is the same as being a miserable shameful failure. Your kids will spend their lives trying to fill the void inside them where your unconditional love and acceptance should be with achievements.
This is what my parents did with me, and I am a very successful person with many “wins.” But I have spent a lot of time in therapy to make sure I don’t parent my own kids that way and instead encourage them to define and seek happy lives on their own terms. |
But that’s privileged and sounds like mental issues and not skilled or successful. OP wants to know how to raise winners! Not rich losers. Winners can be rich or poor. They are parented broadly, nurtured to find their passions, interests, strengths and weaknesses. Then given the best education, training and resources in their strengths as possible. Be that boarding school, elite sports coaches and programs, or teach to potential, challenging arts or academic programs. Then their parents let them fly. |
This. Don’t be passive I’ve met way more adults who wish their parents pushed to be better at school or at a sport they had natural talents at, or a subject matter they found cool, than the opposite. But their parents didn’t. Their parents took No for an answer. And the kid because average. They will never know what could have been had the 12 yo said No. and the parents merely accepted that lackadaisicalness as decision making. |
Nah. The investment bankers like everyone. They’ll tell the farmer to go to Schol if Ag in WI, go work for Cargill or Smithfield’s, or JGB and then call them when they need some debt or M&A or commodity hedging. Don’t knock IB, there are TONS of exit opps for an analyst with 2-3 years of experience. And they’ll have a big network, of hard working over achievers about to branch out to clients, industry, the buyside, non profits, b school, government, etc. |
Amen. Kids sense of self and inner confidence can really blossom in high school. Let that happen, with guardrails so it’s the positive stuff! |
You make suggestions. You provide observations. You ask them questions. Then let them think and decide. |
Sorry, but nope and nope to your whole last paragraph. |
If your kids aren’t attractive, smart, or charming, then constantly “cracking down” on them won’t help. If you were prettier and smarter, they’d be better off. You will, however, buy some lucky therapist a vacation home. |
I’m aiming for resilience, independence, a good work ethic, and self-confidence. If my kids have those things, I figure they’ll have the tools they need to “succeed.” |