The summer I was 16 I had a huge crush on a guy who was about to turn 19. I was on a trip so it was a fling. We ended up fooling around but it wasn’t sex. When he walked me back to my dorm I told him basically “sorry, I’m sure you expected more but I’m not ready” and he said “I hope that’s the last time in your life you apologize for not crossing the boundaries you’re comfortable with.” I remain surprised an 18 yr old guy gave me that advice! When I was in college at the end of my freshman year I started dating another freshman. I was 19 and he was 17. We’ve been together over 25 years now. |
No. They are not in the same place in their lives. Do you really want this guy taking your high school DD back to his place? |
I agree. It gets a little more complicated that she’s a high school student living at home and he’s in college but the age difference wouldn’t bother me. I started college at 17 and met a college senior who I dated for a year. We broke up during my sophomore year of college, when he was in grad school. The age difference wasn’t the reason. |
I doubt a 20 year old boy is one bit more mature than your daughter but a college kid is going to have a different set of sexual expectations than you're HS age daughter. |
So she’s the age of a freshman, going to high school games, i can see why guys are confused. |
I went to college at 17 and had a fake idea, went out with men in their late 20s and beyond... Granted different maturity levels. I don't think the age gap is a problem per se, more about match in maturity. |
This. If she really wants to get a coffee with him I think that’s fine but she doesn’t need college friends nor does she need to date someone in college. When she is a freshman in college he will be a senior and they will both be over 18. Lots of reasons to say no to this. The power imbalance is what bothers me though. There is an imbalance and that’s not a good recipe for starting a relationship. Also, what if something happens and it’s uncomfortable for them to be in class together? The more I think about it the more the only answer is no. |
Exactly, my on time December kid is in the same spot... |