Did your only child want siblings?

[Anonymous]

No, but we had cousins right around the same age.

[Anonymous]

My 8 y/o has never asked for a sibling. But she asked for a dog. I even asked her the other day about it since she doesn’t mention siblings at all. She said that she is glad that she doesn’t not have siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your only child ever talk about siblings (whether they wanted them or not)? Mine is 11 and often expresses how she wished we’d had more kids. This makes me feel sad and guilty. Anyone else?

Since when fo children dictate how many children you should have?

[Anonymous]

Mine did in sort of an idealized way until my sister had a baby when DD was 6. Then she realized what a baby would really be like in her house, all of the time, for the rest of her life, and pivoted firmly to being happy with things just as they were. I think it finally clicked that a sibling is not the same as a live in BFF.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the replies but as an only child, please don’t worry too much about this. I felt like our family was complete after I had my first kid, but felt guilty that she wouldn’t have cousins or siblings and would be left alone in the world after we die. I convinced my husband to have a second but they ended up being twins. We are making it work and the kids sometimes have a blast together but would my older daughter have been better off with a smaller, simpler family devoted to her? Maybe. My mom tells me I often asked for a sibling but I have no recollection of it. I have no memories of being sad of lonely as an only. I was very close to my parents and had lots of opportunities I wouldn’t have had if they had had other kids. They also had a large stairlift of friends and I never felt like I was missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the replies but as an only child, please don’t worry too much about this. I felt like our family was complete after I had my first kid, but felt guilty that she wouldn’t have cousins or siblings and would be left alone in the world after we die. I convinced my husband to have a second but they ended up being twins. We are making it work and the kids sometimes have a blast together but would my older daughter have been better off with a smaller, simpler family devoted to her? Maybe. My mom tells me I often asked for a sibling but I have no recollection of it. I have no memories of being sad of lonely as an only. I was very close to my parents and had lots of opportunities I wouldn’t have had if they had had other kids. They also had a large stairlift of friends and I never felt like I was missing out.

* network not stairlift.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

Mine wanted to be an only child.

[Anonymous]

DD went through a phase of wanting in K and 1st a sibling but it was truly just because she felt left out -- all her classmates had siblings and also her best friend's family had a new baby around that time. She was genuinely upset about it for a while but it really had very little to do with actually wanting another family member. She just wanted to be able to talk about her siblings with her friends when they talked about their siblings. It was indistinguishable from her being sad we had not been to Disney yet. It passed.

She did get to go to Disney though. Twice!

[Anonymous]

My DS was an only for 9.5 years. He occasionally asked for a sibling (brother) but never strenuously. We had a daughter and though they are almost a decade apart he loves her to pieces. Now that he is off at college she is enjoying being an “only”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did in sort of an idealized way until my sister had a baby when DD was 6. Then she realized what a baby would really be like in her house, all of the time, for the rest of her life, and pivoted firmly to being happy with things just as they were. I think it finally clicked that a sibling is not the same as a live in BFF.

100%, my DD went through something similar. There are nice things about having siblings but there are also nice things about being an only.

Also, she's not grown yet, but as someone from a big family, one thing I'm glad about with having an only is that when she's an adult, if she ever needs our help or support with something, including if she has kids of her own, we'll never have to balance that against the needs of her siblings, since she has none. Part of the reason we only had one kid is that we have little to no support from family because we both have troubled siblings who require a lot of our parents, and since we are pretty stable, we're on our own. I like knowing that DD will never be on her own if she doesn't want to be. Knock on wood, we can be there for her without shortchanging anyone else. So now if she wants to have multiple kids, I can show up to help her when they are little in a way my own mom was never able to do for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was an only for 9.5 years. He occasionally asked for a sibling (brother) but never strenuously. We had a daughter and though they are almost a decade apart he loves her to pieces. Now that he is off at college she is enjoying being an “only”.

I love this, and it's so nice for your kids that they both get extended time at home with parents. I think that can be so healthy for kids. Sounds like the best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read all the replies but as an only child, please don’t worry too much about this. I felt like our family was complete after I had my first kid, but felt guilty that she wouldn’t have cousins or siblings and would be left alone in the world after we die. I convinced my husband to have a second but they ended up being twins. We are making it work and the kids sometimes have a blast together but would my older daughter have been better off with a smaller, simpler family devoted to her? Maybe. My mom tells me I often asked for a sibling but I have no recollection of it. I have no memories of being sad of lonely as an only. I was very close to my parents and had lots of opportunities I wouldn’t have had if they had had other kids. They also had a large stairlift of friends and I never felt like I was missing out.

* network not stairlift.

I think this can be helpful but my DH is an only and my brothers won't be having kids so there are no cousins and while we have a large network of friends it really isn't the same unless you are spending vacations and holidays with them. We spend lots of time together but they have their own families and seem to like them 😄.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was an only for 9.5 years. He occasionally asked for a sibling (brother) but never strenuously. We had a daughter and though they are almost a decade apart he loves her to pieces. Now that he is off at college she is enjoying being an “only”.

I love this, and it's so nice for your kids that they both get extended time at home with parents. I think that can be so healthy for kids. Sounds like the best of both worlds.

PP here - it really is and has worked out perfectly for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine did in sort of an idealized way until my sister had a baby when DD was 6. Then she realized what a baby would really be like in her house, all of the time, for the rest of her life, and pivoted firmly to being happy with things just as they were. I think it finally clicked that a sibling is not the same as a live in BFF.

100%, my DD went through something similar. There are nice things about having siblings but there are also nice things about being an only.

Also, she's not grown yet, but as someone from a big family, one thing I'm glad about with having an only is that when she's an adult, if she ever needs our help or support with something, including if she has kids of her own, we'll never have to balance that against the needs of her siblings, since she has none. Part of the reason we only had one kid is that we have little to no support from family because we both have troubled siblings who require a lot of our parents, and since we are pretty stable, we're on our own. I like knowing that DD will never be on her own if she doesn't want to be. Knock on wood, we can be there for her without shortchanging anyone else. So now if she wants to have multiple kids, I can show up to help her when they are little in a way my own mom was never able to do for me.

PP and I agree. My DH is from a big family and I see how careful his parents are with treating all of the adult children's families equally and fairly. Which means each grown child gets a lot less support and help than they would get if there were fewer kids in that family. I think it's the right way to "grandparent" a big family, but it's such a stark contrast to the amount of individual attention and support my parents (and friends' parents, etc.) can give their grown children and grandchildren. Things like taking an older grandchild on a weekend trip, coming to town to babysit little ones so the parents can get away, etc. And that's with all adult children launched successfully and not having any troubles that require parenting into adulthood.

My DD has a lot of same aged cousins and close lifelong friends, but those aren't a guarantee into adulthood. My sister's baby is an only child also and my DD is very close with my sister, so hopefully (maybe?) they'll have each other despite the age gap, since they'll both have that "sibling" role to fill for each other. We'll see. Either way she's a very social kid and I don't worry about her being able to build whatever chosen family she desires in the future.

[Anonymous]

Our child wants a sibling. We are older and trying with IVF because we want one too. It’s sad and stressful.

I was an OC and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. But so many of my good friends growing up, and even close family friends with children, all had siblings - and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that no matter how close we felt growing up, I’m not part of their family. I have no siblings and no cousins and it feels very lonely as my parents age.

Given that experience, I do really want to have 2 children. But if you look back at my family through generations, even before birth control was common and huge families were common, there weren’t a lot of children born and now I’m thinking it’s not a coincidence.