Stay or go - keep amazing flexibility v. exciting new challenge

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this exact dilemma but my kids are 2 and 5 so I’m keeping the flexible job for now. But in a few years I’d definitely go for option 2.

What is key I think, is knowing how much time is left in your career, and knowing you have to do something that will open up other opportunities at some point - opportunities may disappear if you stay comfortable too long and age out. (No clue your age but just general advice)

Your kids are at the point where you need flexibility the least until the 2 year old drives.

It’s possible to overly hedge your bets with this type of thinking. Gripping on to the easier job past your era of prime opportunities will result in reduced options/potential to make big moves later in your career and can result in being stuck. That’s not ideal either. Bold moves carry a trade off but it can certainly be worth it. I mean, people have had office jobs for a long time and many families have been perfectly OK

The people who have office jobs and excel have a SAH/Flex spouse, a near full time driving nanny, or grandparents. OP has one of that. Sure you can have the kids in aftercare till closing all the way thru elem, the latchkey them until college. Not what I would choose.

[Anonymous]

*none of that but could blow her earnings on a nanny and not see her kids.

Now for future career prospects you are correct, it is the right choice — I mommy tracked too long in my Fed role and am never earning $375+ salary. But we don’t have any family nearby and I wanted to see my kids grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Create a spreadsheet on the total costs of the more expensive health care and less retirement match so you've got a true dollar-for-dollar comparison, then also calculate the after tax income (every dollar you are earning above $315k is taxed at your highest marginal rate). This calculation most likely shows you that the tradeoff of losing vacation time and flexibility isn't worth it, but if you want to do it anyway just for the fun of it, that's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Create a spreadsheet on the total costs of the more expensive health care and less retirement match so you've got a true dollar-for-dollar comparison, then also calculate the after tax income (every dollar you are earning above $315k is taxed at your highest marginal rate). This calculation most likely shows you that the tradeoff of losing vacation time and flexibility isn't worth it, but if you want to do it anyway just for the fun of it, that's fine.

The numbers above are apples to apples - they already take in the difference in healthcare and retirement as well as bonus (new job is significantly higher). 315k is the break even, so every dollar over that would be new money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't switch in your situation. Mostly WFH to 4 days in the office is a HUGE transition for your family and your kids are not that old. My answer would be different if you were about to be empty nest.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

Thank you!!! I have a lot of trusted mom friends with big, in-person, long hours jobs and they all universally say get your husband on board and go get your big opportunity.

Isn’t that what we want our kids to see? I feel like we are all trying to boomerang back to the 1950s a bit. (Yes, my moon works, but that’s a secret…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

Thank you!!! I have a lot of trusted mom friends with big, in-person, long hours jobs and they all universally say get your husband on board and go get your big opportunity.

Isn’t that what we want our kids to see? I feel like we are all trying to boomerang back to the 1950s a bit. (Yes, my moon works, but that’s a secret…)

OP, you want to go after the opportunity, so go for it! Most of us responded with some projections. It would be a hard no for me, but I have already had jobs that required 60-80 hours a week with no flexibility, and no amount of money would make me go backward. Plus, we don't need any more money. I would end up saving it, and for what? And it's not entirely about my kids, either. I enjoy having time to exercise every day, travel, and pursue hobbies.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say take the new job and that might be the right decision but your comp and flexibility now is amazing! I’d personally keep your job but that’s me, I’m not very ambitious and have a lot of other hobbies that fulfill me more than my work. BUT I know how satisfying it can be to feel challenged and push yourself professionally - it sucks being bored and you might regret not taking the new position. I guess it just depends on what you value most - time and flexibility or a challenging yet professionally rewarding career. Could you go back to you current position if you didn’t like the new role?

[Anonymous]

keep amazing flexiibility

[Anonymous]

Op again. I should have mentioned upfront that my current job can't exist forever... even without being bored, I think I have maybe 1-2 years more before my job does not exist in the same way anymore. My instinct in starting to look elsewhere was that it might take a while to find something great, and I would rather start that search now than when I *had* to.

So while I understand that my current flexibility is AMAZING, in my job search and looking around at friends' and colleagues' jobs, it seems like a bit of a unicorn in my field... and my sense is that I am going to have to give up some flex when I shift jobs anyway. I just don't know how much I will have to give up. (For example, 1-2 years ago, lots of jobs in my field were mostly remote, with many 1-2 days in the office; now almost all of them are at least 3 days in).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again. I should have mentioned upfront that my current job can't exist forever... even without being bored, I think I have maybe 1-2 years more before my job does not exist in the same way anymore. My instinct in starting to look elsewhere was that it might take a while to find something great, and I would rather start that search now than when I *had* to.

So while I understand that my current flexibility is AMAZING, in my job search and looking around at friends' and colleagues' jobs, it seems like a bit of a unicorn in my field... and my sense is that I am going to have to give up some flex when I shift jobs anyway. I just don't know how much I will have to give up. (For example, 1-2 years ago, lots of jobs in my field were mostly remote, with many 1-2 days in the office; now almost all of them are at least 3 days in).

This changes a lot and definitely needed to be in your original post.

You obviously came here looking for permission and not our honest opinions. So give it a shot. See if your DH will step up. See if you feel spread too thin. See if the new dream job is all it's cracked up to be. And if any of these don't pan out, you can job hunt in another year when your current job would have ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

Thank you!!! I have a lot of trusted mom friends with big, in-person, long hours jobs and they all universally say get your husband on board and go get your big opportunity.

Isn’t that what we want our kids to see? I feel like we are all trying to boomerang back to the 1950s a bit. (Yes, my moon works, but that’s a secret…)

I am the PP who said 4 days in office is a huge transition and I wouldn't do it. I am not trying to boomerang back to the 50s, but am offering my opinion based on my personal experience doing what OP is proposing. I have what many would call a high-powered career (though I don't make quite that much money) and I really enjoy it but I am pooped! My advice is not intended to banish OP to the kitchen barefoot but to share my experience and acknowledge a reality - elementary school age is really not friendly to WOH parents. Of course it's possible, but if you aren't used to the day to day grind, you might not realize how hard it can be.

I am glad she is excited for the opportunity and wish her the very best, but I think a lot of people who have never done it grossly underestimate how difficult it can be to combine in-person work and potentially a long commute with elementary kids. I have a very supportive and flexible DH who meets the bus most days but I still want to be there for my kids M-F and I do that to the detriment of my own mental and physical well-being. There is probably some secret sauce to making this work better but I haven't figured it out yet. YMMV and I hope OP's does!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

Thank you!!! I have a lot of trusted mom friends with big, in-person, long hours jobs and they all universally say get your husband on board and go get your big opportunity.

Isn’t that what we want our kids to see? I feel like we are all trying to boomerang back to the 1950s a bit. (Yes, my moon works, but that’s a secret…)

I am the PP who said 4 days in office is a huge transition and I wouldn't do it. I am not trying to boomerang back to the 50s, but am offering my opinion based on my personal experience doing what OP is proposing. I have what many would call a high-powered career (though I don't make quite that much money) and I really enjoy it but I am pooped! My advice is not intended to banish OP to the kitchen barefoot but to share my experience and acknowledge a reality - elementary school age is really not friendly to WOH parents. Of course it's possible, but if you aren't used to the day to day grind, you might not realize how hard it can be.

I am glad she is excited for the opportunity and wish her the very best, but I think a lot of people who have never done it grossly underestimate how difficult it can be to combine in-person work and potentially a long commute with elementary kids. I have a very supportive and flexible DH who meets the bus most days but I still want to be there for my kids M-F and I do that to the detriment of my own mental and physical well-being. There is probably some secret sauce to making this work better but I haven't figured it out yet. YMMV and I hope OP's does!!

Left out the final part of my comment - what I really want my kids to see is a sane and happy mom and a functional marital relationship. That is the baseline. If they also take away that mom had an awesome career that she worked hard for and enjoyed, that's great, but to me, that is less important than the family functioning well on a day-to-day basis.