Neither AC wants kids. I can't help feeling like I failed.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why this is "failure." Out of our family of four kids, 2/4 had them (the two youngest, fwiw). Less people are choosing to have children. For good reason.

[Anonymous]

They are not selfish to not want kids. It could be argued that it's more selfish TO have kids than not to. It's a difficult world to live in, especially at this point in history. Having kids is subjecting a new generation of people to the hardships of life. (I am saying this as someone who has 2 kids myself, always wanted to have kids, love my kids immeasurably but I'm the first to admit that me choosing to have kids was because I wanted them which is selfish).

I understand you are sad that you likely will not have grandchildren and won't get to see your kids as parents, which would be a joyous thing to experience I think. But it's not fair for you to be angry at them or accuse them of being selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of my friends are retired or contemplating retiring. They aren't used to being free so hoping to have grandkids to keep them busy. Due to career demand and financial strains of young parenthood, they couldn't spend much time with their own children so now hoping to do bonding and activities with their grandchildren.

I don't want my kids to rush into parenthood until they've enjoyed their lives but can't blame my friends trying to share burden of parenting with their kids to make their lives easier and to enjoy grand-parenting while they are able bodied.

That's really sad.
Seems like a trend though, sh!tty parents trying to "make up" their time. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest therapy. This type of thinking isn’t making you feel good and you might benefit from counseling to overcome it.

I will add this as gently as I can. Your kids may not want children due how they were parented.

I had a mentally ill mother and she was mostly terrible. For years, I had no desire for kids because I didn’t want to pass on the trauma and illness.

Only after many years did I have children and only after I had kids did my older sister start to have kids.

So you might start by examining yourself.

Not op but this is cruel projection. I know many people who have childless adult dcs and they are good people and were good parents. The adult kids either married late or just want to focus on career and travel.

[Anonymous]

I’m the AC who doesn’t have/ want kids (also a teacher) and my sibling has them. It’s clear my parents prioritize time with him and his family and it’s really hurtful especially as I’ve gone through health problems. I understand them wanting a strong relationship with their grandkids (and I love my nieces and nephews) but it really hurts to feel like your parents value you less because you don’t have kids

[Anonymous]

It's normal to feel this way. Most people around the world and outside this bubble would feel crushed by this. I agree with you OP that they sound self-centered, sorry.

You poured a ton into parenting and you're not reaping the long term rewards you expected..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel sad, too, Op. I think your feelings are normal.

+1 This is becoming sadly common with this generation. I have 21 cousins (aged 50-70) and between us, 40 kids, and yet there are only six grandchildren, and the ones young enough to still have kids all express some version of not wanting to marry or have kids. I'm hearing similar things from lots of friends.

What is going on?

The social/societal fabric is broken, people are adrift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel sad, too, Op. I think your feelings are normal.

+1 This is becoming sadly common with this generation. I have 21 cousins (aged 50-70) and between us, 40 kids, and yet there are only six grandchildren, and the ones young enough to still have kids all express some version of not wanting to marry or have kids. I'm hearing similar things from lots of friends.

What is going on?

Late stage capitalism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal to feel this way. Most people around the world and outside this bubble would feel crushed by this. I agree with you OP that they sound self-centered, sorry.

You poured a ton into parenting and you're not reaping the long term rewards you expected..

The self centered people are the ones making other peoples reproductive choices all about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the AC who doesn’t have/ want kids (also a teacher) and my sibling has them. It’s clear my parents prioritize time with him and his family and it’s really hurtful especially as I’ve gone through health problems. I understand them wanting a strong relationship with their grandkids (and I love my nieces and nephews) but it really hurts to feel like your parents value you less because you don’t have kids

I’m sure they love you and don’t value you less. But they have relationships with your nieces and nephews, too, and prioritizing the young is how animals survive.

Even if they didn't prioritize them, if there are 2 grandkids, they are now splitting a finite amount of attention 4 ways, and 3/4 of that attention is at your brother’s house. It’s not that they don’t love you, but they love two other people as well as you. You can’t expect 1/2 their attention.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t want kids until I did. Give it time

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op. Of course you mourn the loss of the life you had planned/imagined in which you were an involved grandmother. Then maybe find some ways to get the joy and satisfaction of being involved with kids in your family or neighborhood - volunteering at a school or library, for instance. I have relatives who have become involved great aunts or uncles which has really helped support some young parents with babysitting or just letting new parents nap. I’ve also had the older neighbors offer to have kids come play with their saved legos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I did. Give it time

This^. They are young. Who knows? If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, that's okay too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are not selfish to not want kids. It could be argued that it's more selfish TO have kids than not to. It's a difficult world to live in, especially at this point in history. Having kids is subjecting a new generation of people to the hardships of life. (I am saying this as someone who has 2 kids myself, always wanted to have kids, love my kids immeasurably but I'm the first to admit that me choosing to have kids was because I wanted them which is selfish).

I understand you are sad that you likely will not have grandchildren and won't get to see your kids as parents, which would be a joyous thing to experience I think. But it's not fair for you to be angry at them or accuse them of being selfish.

It’s actually unethical to have children OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's an unfortunate reality that having kids nowadays is just too hard. No support system, two working parents, skyrocketing expenses, unaffordable housing, childcare, nevermind trying to put them through college.

+1