Anyone else married to laid back type B men?

[Anonymous]

I’m type A and he’s type B but he’s very successful and not lazy. I like that he is a type B because he can settle me down, relax and have fun. I’m not sure that two Type As would be a good thing or two Type Bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Type A people are the reason we have wars, road rage, domestic violence.

I wouldn’t be so proud of being Type A.

They're also capable of exploits and feats that push forth humanity. The boring Type B people are just along for the ride.

Keep telling yourself that.

Type B’s are inventing things and doing research but Type A’s find a way for people to never get the benefit without going broke.

Y’all are wildin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Type A people are the reason we have wars, road rage, domestic violence.

I wouldn’t be so proud of being Type A.

They're also capable of exploits and feats that push forth humanity. The boring Type B people are just along for the ride.

Keep telling yourself that.

Type B’s are inventing things and doing research but Type A’s find a way for people to never get the benefit without going broke.

Y’all are wildin.

You sound like a lab rat that can't bring anything to the world other than some boring esoteric papers. Enjoy your awesome H-index.

[Anonymous]

DH is definitely a type B but he is really good at his job so keeps getting promoted. He hates it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m kinda type A, and DH is type B. I do wish he were more ambitious, only because it would take the pressure off me a bit. Also, while he does things around the house and is very involved with the kids, I carry more of the mental load. We’ve had some fights about that and there had been a lot of resentment on my part.

But we are otherwise happy, and as the kids have gotten older, there’s less burden on me. I’m working through my lingering resentment and am really looking forward to our marriage without having this issue so front and center.

NP
I was going is that the above only works if the workaholic parent is very appreciative of the non workaholic parent who handles almost everything on the kid/schedule/homefront plus their own career.

That gratefulness and thankfulness should be constant and evident. And not the result of a fight due to resentment or forgetfulness or I’m too busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Type A people are the reason we have wars, road rage, domestic violence.

I wouldn’t be so proud of being Type A.

They're also capable of exploits and feats that push forth humanity. The boring Type B people are just along for the ride.

I think this is true. We need type A people in the world.
That doesn’t make you easy to live with, though. It’s hard to live with someone who is always pushing forward, struggles with admitting weakness, and has very little empathy or tolerance for anything they see as laziness or weakness.
Type A people do a lot of things well, but it’s hard to have this kind of person as a partner or a parent. You never really feel loved or understood, and you are often condescended to.

Be grateful that your kids have a parent who can be patient with them, understand them, and empathize with their struggles and failures. I think it can be hard for women to abdicate this role to their husbands. Women are socialized to take on this empathic caretaking role, and see their difficulty with this as a weakness (and Type A people have no weaknesses!), but it will be good for your kids and your marriage if you can praise your husband for this and appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Otherwise the workaholic can downshift and they can both do 50/50

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am type A and high achieving but my husband is laid back. It drives me crazy but I try to appreciate it.

In the beginning he said he was laid back, and indeed he is.

13 years later we know he is self centered, lazy, adhd and asd. And doesn’t want to change a thing.

My advice: don’t have kids. Or only have 1. Also, live in a small house or an apartment, dont accumulate a lot of stuff.

W a “laid back” man, you run the risk of having to do everything.

+1 seconding this advice. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the resentment at this point. Waiting til the kids grow up and I’m out of here. Maybe then he’ll understand that his lazy and naive belief that “everything will turn out fine- it always does” was because someone was working very hard to make sure that was the case.

Don’t hold your breath.

His ignorance is his bliss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m jealous, OP. I would love a vacation where we can just chill out at the beach instead of having tours and scuba diving and whitewater rafting.
It’s Saturday morning, and DH and I are both off work. Kids have no activities. I would love it if we could just kind of hang out with our tweens and maybe play a board game, take a walk, and bake some Christmas cookies. Instead, DH has the whole day planned with ten different things to do. Right now, he has the kids at a museum and I am supposed to be wrapping Christmas presents.

A mix is best. On vacations or weekends. Type As should get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am type A and high achieving but my husband is laid back. It drives me crazy but I try to appreciate it.

In the beginning he said he was laid back, and indeed he is.

13 years later we know he is self centered, lazy, adhd and asd. And doesn’t want to change a thing.

My advice: don’t have kids. Or only have 1. Also, live in a small house or an apartment, dont accumulate a lot of stuff.

W a “laid back” man, you run the risk of having to do everything.

+1 seconding this advice. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the resentment at this point. Waiting til the kids grow up and I’m out of here. Maybe then he’ll understand that his lazy and naive belief that “everything will turn out fine- it always does” was because someone was working very hard to make sure that was the case.

Laid back and easy going is one thing. A lazy and lousy unaccountable partner is another thing altogether

The problem is the lazy guys call themselves laid back like it’s some cool go with the flow thing. But that’s an understatement.

So, do your diligence. Most people have met enough laid back people that they know it’s code for lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I’m jealous, OP. I would love a vacation where we can just chill out at the beach instead of having tours and scuba diving and whitewater rafting.
It’s Saturday morning, and DH and I are both off work. Kids have no activities. I would love it if we could just kind of hang out with our tweens and maybe play a board game, take a walk, and bake some Christmas cookies. Instead, DH has the whole day planned with ten different things to do. Right now, he has the kids at a museum and I am supposed to be wrapping Christmas presents.

A mix is best. On vacations or weekends. Type As should get that.

They don’t get it.

1). They aren’t wired that way.

2). They believe that they are special and almost always right.

Type A people are the people in songs and movies who won’t back down or believe they can achieve their dreams despite the naysayers. It’s a great quality in a lot of ways, but they aren’t great to relax with.

[Anonymous]

BFF is a type A doctor and her DH is a type B high school teacher. They have one kid in college and on still in hs.

She is really grateful that she had DH to focus on raising the kids, be at home during school vacations when they were home, etc., while she built her career. She loves what an incredible father he has been and what a nice home life they've had because of him. He learned to cook beautiful dinners and weekend breakfasts. He's the heart of their home life. He plans vacations when she doesn't have the time or inclination. It's been a very nice life, in large part because of him, and she loves him so much for it.

She also feels incredibly resentful about the pressure she has had carrying the financial load for their family their entire marriage. She has always been very aware of the fact that on his salary they could not even get a decent apartment big enough for their family, let alone pay the mortgage on their not-even-inside-the-beltway NOVA house. Deep down, she would have liked to have been a SAHM, at least for awhile when the kids were little, but that would have been impossible given her DH's lack of a real salary and his inability and lack of desire to do any better. Whenever he spends what she considers to be "a lot" on something, she gets angry and vents that he is spending her money (she almost boiled over once when he booked the most expensive class hotel at Disney when he planned their vacation). And she is embarrassed how generally beta-male he is compared to other DHs in our neighborhood. She's downright embarrassed of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BFF is a type A doctor and her DH is a type B high school teacher. They have one kid in college and on still in hs.

She is really grateful that she had DH to focus on raising the kids, be at home during school vacations when they were home, etc., while she built her career. She loves what an incredible father he has been and what a nice home life they've had because of him. He learned to cook beautiful dinners and weekend breakfasts. He's the heart of their home life. He plans vacations when she doesn't have the time or inclination. It's been a very nice life, in large part because of him, and she loves him so much for it.

She also feels incredibly resentful about the pressure she has had carrying the financial load for their family their entire marriage. She has always been very aware of the fact that on his salary they could not even get a decent apartment big enough for their family, let alone pay the mortgage on their not-even-inside-the-beltway NOVA house. Deep down, she would have liked to have been a SAHM, at least for awhile when the kids were little, but that would have been impossible given her DH's lack of a real salary and his inability and lack of desire to do any better. Whenever he spends what she considers to be "a lot" on something, she gets angry and vents that he is spending her money (she almost boiled over once when he booked the most expensive class hotel at Disney when he planned their vacation). And she is embarrassed how generally beta-male he is compared to other DHs in our neighborhood. She's downright embarrassed of him.

Welp. Those are the tradeoffs.

Breadwinner men get yelled down when they express the same sentiments as your BFF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think laid back b men are highly intelligent. They are attempting to shrink the horribly sexist life expectancy gap with women.

By shifting the typical male roles on woman's shoulders (in addition to what she already does as a woman). Yes, I find type B men pretty sneaky, just broke up with someone like that

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot of churn with type A people. Full of sound & fury.