helping them buy a home

[Anonymous]

My parents passed and were pretty poor (my sibling and I got about 100k each all told). My spouse's parents, alive, have helped us buy a house (with a large down payment gift) and renovation. They are rather odd people, but have really made a point to say they want to help us now, while we actually need it to get ahead, rather than give it to us in 15-20 years after we've lived in too small of a house. It's wrapped up with legacy and seeing our kid (their only grandkid) has an elevated life. We work hard and have a good HHI, but none of us came from legacy money. Everything they gave us was hard earned (and good 1980s-2000 investments).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age do you stop wiping their nose and their butt? And when they experience a rough day at work, do you march into their office and yell at their boss?

Jealous?

We don't do any of that--our kid's function completely on their own--the one out of college lives in a place they can afford completely on their own and manages their life completely on their own, save a few questions that most young adults have in new to them situations (ie learning to navigate their health insurance and car maintenance, etc.)

But when you are worth $50M+, it's financially smart to start gifting while you are still alive. So when they hit the point of wanting to purchase (4-5 years out of college), we will ensure they have a nice place, yes nicer than they would on their own. Why not...we cannot take the money with us. It is possible for rich kids to be fully functioning adults, in fact majority of them are just that, just with a few perks of knowing they can take more risks because they have a secure system in place to fall back on.

[Anonymous]

My BIL helped his older kids buy their first homes, and plans on doing it for his younger kids too.

Following his example, I think we're going to do the same.

Our family is international, and the kids often work in Asia for some time, but they rent out their houses/condos while they're away. Basically it's a foot into the housing market.

[Anonymous]

Heads up to the posters who don't understand that a first home can cost 1M.

Our starter home, 1200 sq ft near the Bethesda metro, costs 1.2M.

We have thought about moving in a few years and "selling it" to oldest child, who might want to work in this area. With an equivalent gift to younger child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age do you stop wiping their nose and their butt? And when they experience a rough day at work, do you march into their office and yell at their boss?

Jealous?

We don't do any of that--our kid's function completely on their own--the one out of college lives in a place they can afford completely on their own and manages their life completely on their own, save a few questions that most young adults have in new to them situations (ie learning to navigate their health insurance and car maintenance, etc.)

But when you are worth $50M+, it's financially smart to start gifting while you are still alive. So when they hit the point of wanting to purchase (4-5 years out of college), we will ensure they have a nice place, yes nicer than they would on their own. Why not...we cannot take the money with us. It is possible for rich kids to be fully functioning adults, in fact majority of them are just that, just with a few perks of knowing they can take more risks because they have a secure system in place to fall back on.

50 + mil? You should do a lot more. Don’t be cheap

[Anonymous]

If you’re worth $50m+, why in god’s name are you hanging out on DCUM? Don’t you have better things to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help them. My parents helped me and it meant a massively stable financial situation - led to a massive amount of equity over long term and my ability to freeze housing costs for years.

+1 We're grandparents now and have noted that it has made a world of difference for most of our friends whose parents were able to help in this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re worth $50m+, why in god’s name are you hanging out on DCUM? Don’t you have better things to do?

I guess some people just like to hear how the other half (working poor folks) live!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re worth $50m+, why in god’s name are you hanging out on DCUM? Don’t you have better things to do?

That PP is a troll. Always used NW of $20+ mil, but now changed to NW of $50 mil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it will be exceedingly difficult for my kids, now in their 20s, to buy a first home without help. We'll be able to help, and plan to, when the time comes. Why should they wait till we die for money to be passed down if it can be put to use now? This "I pulled myself up by my bootstraps by brown-bagging it -- they will, too" attitude only goes so far when housing prices are this insane, yet I hear those kinds of comments frequently. To me it's delusional. Has anyone's young adult bought a house in the past year? Did you help?

If you can, do it. Who cares what others do, think or say? Just make sure to secure your retirement first.

[Anonymous]

Its odd when entitled adults want their parents to buy things for them. Obviously, its fine when parents can easily afford to and do it willingly. I don't see such adults to spend money on parents when they need it. Once you are 18, be ready to reimburse what you take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help them. My parents helped me and it meant a massively stable financial situation - led to a massive amount of equity over long term and my ability to freeze housing costs for years.

+1. My family is not extremely wealthy by any means, but I am very, very aware how much my own stability and choices in life have benefitted from the previous two generations helping with house purchases. My grandfather contributed towards a downpayment for my parents to buy a house that enabled everything from the environment I grew up in, right up through my mother's stability in old age, and my parents helped me and my sister get on the property ladder and start building equity in our 20s. For me, it's even more important to do the same for the next generation now if one can, give how hard it is to buy these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age do you stop wiping their nose and their butt? And when they experience a rough day at work, do you march into their office and yell at their boss?

I hope that I will always be an ear if they have a bad day at work. Just like my mother is for me. And I am for my sisters (and they for me). They don’t do anything about it except to unstintingly take my side - they certainly aren’t yelling at my boss. But being there makes it better and helps me deal with stuff better the next day. Isn’t that what family and loved ones do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I want to help DS to purchase his first townhouse, around 1M, but we want DS to have skin in the game. DS has lived at home with us for three years and saved up 95% of his annual salary, after taxes, for the past three years with about 240K in his account. When he officially moved out two months ago, we gave him 600K for his 1M home purchase down payment. IMHO, that is the right approach.

I have no issue with the amount, but I think it’s bizarre that he’s jumping from mom and dad’s house to major $$ homeownership. He likely doesn’t have any idea how to budget for groceries, keep up a house, buy cleaning supplies, etc.. renting a house with roommates was invaluable for me in my 20s. He’d be much better off renting and investing that 600k as well as his own savings until he actually needs that amount of space and is ready to commit to a location (spouse’s commute, schools, etc all playing a role) What if he gets a dream job far away? I bought a small condo in my 20s downtown but knew it was likely a 5 year investment, no way would I have paid for that much house for many many years I didn’t need kid’s rooms!

That's the right approach? Giving him 600K?? You call that having skin in the game? LOL.

The kid lived at home for 3 years post college and saved 95% of his salary---so he lived fairly frugally. That is skin in the game. It shows he's committed to not just blowing all his money on luxury items. He has 240K in savings/emergency fund. Now that he knows he wants to stay in the area (likes his job, etc) he wants to settle down. What parent would not help a responsible kid if they have that much money?

I get it---you are jealous that you can't do that or didn't have that happen. But it doesn't mean the kid does not have "skin in the game"

Yes, I am jealous that I can't do that for my kid. But, seriously, 600k to buy first home that is $1 mil? That PP is out of her mind or a troll. I think she was trolling us.

[Anonymous]

Something to consider is helping them with the gift before marriage so it’s a premarital asset then discuss with them how to protect it. I need to learn more about this myself and how it works if they trade up with spouse.