He doesn’t want to see me after I disclosed health results

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy I’m seeing doesn’t want to see me after I found out I have HPV (non-cancerous strain and no symptoms). He said he needs time and needs his doctor’s professional advice on how to proceed.

I’m so hurt and feel so ashamed. I feel so rejected.

Please be kind, this hurts a lot.

You feel how you feel and ge feels how he feels. I see no harm in being honest and taking pause to access situation. Unless he is your long term live in BF, fiancée or husband, he is within his rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this doesn’t make sense. Why did your doctor test you for low risk strains? My doctor only tests for the high risk strains that cause cancer. I didn’t know doctors even tested for low risk strains. I know the test exists but it’s not normal to test for low risk hpv in a screening hpv test if the paps are all normal.

And this is why. There’s nothing you can do to treat it, and now you are all stressed.

I think you need to talk to your doctor. You might have your information wrong.

Anyway, it’s fine he wants to talk to his doctor. Personally I think he should still see you while he is contemplating this and figuring it out, but just not have sex with you while he’s figuring it out. He should not just be ignoring you and not seeing you at all and expecting you will go back to him once he’s decided he is willing to risk having sex with you.

I have no idea why they tested for a low risk strain either. I asked for the full STI panel and that’s what they did. I was negative for the three cancer causing strains they tested for. They told me I didn’t have to disclose to my partner, that the choice was mine but I felt I should tell him.

Yeah I feel very rejected and bad that he doesn’t want to see me at all right now. He said he needs time to wrap his head around all this and has to get a doctor’s professional opinion. I suspect he thinks after he takes some time and gets clearance from his doctor he will then grace me with his presence and I will want to jump back into his arms…nope.

[Anonymous]

Lets be honest, if women leave when they find out that GS-14 doesn't want to go to private sector then this isn't so surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy I’m seeing doesn’t want to see me after I found out I have HPV (non-cancerous strain and no symptoms). He said he needs time and needs his doctor’s professional advice on how to proceed.

I’m so hurt and feel so ashamed. I feel so rejected.

Please be kind, this hurts a lot.

You feel how you feel and ge feels how he feels. I see no harm in being honest and taking pause to access situation. Unless he is your long term live in BF, fiancée or husband, he is within his rights.

Of course. It still hurts to be rejected and treated like I’m dirty and damaged though—especially when he likely has the exact same thing I do (and most likely gave it to me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this doesn’t make sense. Why did your doctor test you for low risk strains? My doctor only tests for the high risk strains that cause cancer. I didn’t know doctors even tested for low risk strains. I know the test exists but it’s not normal to test for low risk hpv in a screening hpv test if the paps are all normal.

And this is why. There’s nothing you can do to treat it, and now you are all stressed.

I think you need to talk to your doctor. You might have your information wrong.

Anyway, it’s fine he wants to talk to his doctor. Personally I think he should still see you while he is contemplating this and figuring it out, but just not have sex with you while he’s figuring it out. He should not just be ignoring you and not seeing you at all and expecting you will go back to him once he’s decided he is willing to risk having sex with you.

I have no idea why they tested for a low risk strain either. I asked for the full STI panel and that’s what they did. I was negative for the three cancer causing strains they tested for. They told me I didn’t have to disclose to my partner, that the choice was mine but I felt I should tell him.

Yeah I feel very rejected and bad that he doesn’t want to see me at all right now. He said he needs time to wrap his head around all this and has to get a doctor’s professional opinion. I suspect he thinks after he takes some time and gets clearance from his doctor he will then grace me with his presence and I will want to jump back into his arms…nope.

Then what's the issue here? End of chapter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, this doesn’t make sense. Why did your doctor test you for low risk strains? My doctor only tests for the high risk strains that cause cancer. I didn’t know doctors even tested for low risk strains. I know the test exists but it’s not normal to test for low risk hpv in a screening hpv test if the paps are all normal.

And this is why. There’s nothing you can do to treat it, and now you are all stressed.

I think you need to talk to your doctor. You might have your information wrong.

Anyway, it’s fine he wants to talk to his doctor. Personally I think he should still see you while he is contemplating this and figuring it out, but just not have sex with you while he’s figuring it out. He should not just be ignoring you and not seeing you at all and expecting you will go back to him once he’s decided he is willing to risk having sex with you.

I have no idea why they tested for a low risk strain either. I asked for the full STI panel and that’s what they did. I was negative for the three cancer causing strains they tested for. They told me I didn’t have to disclose to my partner, that the choice was mine but I felt I should tell him.

Yeah I feel very rejected and bad that he doesn’t want to see me at all right now. He said he needs time to wrap his head around all this and has to get a doctor’s professional opinion. I suspect he thinks after he takes some time and gets clearance from his doctor he will then grace me with his presence and I will want to jump back into his arms…nope.

Yeah, I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to have sex while he is figuring this all out but to just ditch you kinda sucks.

So how long ago did you guys start having sex? Did you use condoms (somehwat but not entirely effective against hpv)? It’s entirely possible he gave it to you! And it’s also possible he’s already caught it from you anyway. His doctor might tell him all this.

Anyway, I think you should find out which strain you test positive for. See fit eh vaccine covers it. That way he or another guy could get vaccinated against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe you got it from him

Seriously consider this.

[Anonymous]

If he was tested positive and came to you and you didn't know then if in your right mind, probably you would've asked for some time to research and process as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was tested positive and came to you and you didn't know then if in your right mind, probably you would've asked for some time to research and process as well.

I would still want to spend time with him even if not physical together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got dumped by a dermatologist for the same thing. And he should have known better.

He didn’t have any skin in the game.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand what is the point of knowing or sharing that you have a symptomless, incredibly common virus that isn’t even a high risk to become cancer. He’s more in danger of catching a cold from you than anything coming out of this low risk strain. Also why does he need to talk to his doctor, Google can tell you that this is basically a total nonissue. That said, if you’d like to give him a day or two I think that’s fine, but he shouldn’t be making you feel bad since odds are he gave it to you!

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why you are so mad at him. Wouldn’t you do the same thing? It seems reasonable. He is probably wondering if you have been sleeping around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, this doesn’t make sense. Why did your doctor test you for low risk strains? My doctor only tests for the high risk strains that cause cancer. I didn’t know doctors even tested for low risk strains. I know the test exists but it’s not normal to test for low risk hpv in a screening hpv test if the paps are all normal.

OP here—I checked my results page and it said negative for strains 16, 18 and 45. It didn’t say anything about being positive for anything else. The person who called me with results said I tested negative for the three cancer-causing strains and positive for a low-risk strain but didn’t give a number. They said come back in a year to get rechecked. I went to a Planned Parenthood clinic if it makes any difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand what is the point of knowing or sharing that you have a symptomless, incredibly common virus that isn’t even a high risk to become cancer. He’s more in danger of catching a cold from you than anything coming out of this low risk strain. Also why does he need to talk to his doctor, Google can tell you that this is basically a total nonissue. That said, if you’d like to give him a day or two I think that’s fine, but he shouldn’t be making you feel bad since odds are he gave it to you!

Low risk strains can cause warts. Maybe he’s concerned that is what is coming next? https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/human-papillomavirus-hpv/hpv-5-things-all-women-should-know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you are so mad at him. Wouldn’t you do the same thing? It seems reasonable. He is probably wondering if you have been sleeping around.

He is well within his rights to ask for time, consult a doctor, etc. He could continue to see me if he wanted to but he’s choosing instead to cut off contact, which is very rejecting and hurtful.