Grandparents want to be invited to everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

You can be whatever kind of grandparent you want to be, but if it’s annoying or unhelpful to your grandchildren’s parents, you may find your access is limited. You’re not entitled to time with them.

[Anonymous]

My parents live locally and my spouse and I both work. (My ILs live OOT)

I ask my parents to attend things if other kids are going to have family members in attendance, and it's during the school day and neither my spouse or I can take off work for example. We have 3 kids and sometimes I also ask them to attend something for one of the kids if we are triple booked!

Otherwise I do invite my parents to things that I think about (concerts, etc.). If I ever didn't think about or invite them to something - they would not be mad tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

You explained your situation, and that you were desperate. And they flat-out said no? With no valid reason?

Op here. They were like “ohhhh that sucks… hope you can figure that out”

Just flip it back to them, OP. "Ohhhhh it sucks that you wanted to attend the Spring Fling Musicale and weren't invited."

Op here. Lol this also made me laugh

[Anonymous]

As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP let them be mad. Let go f trying to appease and please nasty, old , pushy people.

Your response…we don’t plan on making school activities larger extended family events.

Wow, grandparents wanting to come to a school event makes them "nasty, old, pushy people"? Clearly this struck a nerve with you but it's not really appropriate to transfer your own dysfunctional relationship with grandparents to every situation.

Look at the triggered grandmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP let them be mad. Let go f trying to appease and please nasty, old , pushy people.

Your response…we don’t plan on making school activities larger extended family events.

Except she wants those nasty, old, pushy people to help her out a couple of times per week this summer, so maybe they aren't that bad.

Soon we'll see posts about grandparents aren't interested enough in their grandchildren. There's no winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are the same way with wanting to come to everything so I get it. I would pick a few big things and tell them to put those dates on their calendars. There are usually a ton of events in ES so they won't want to come to all of them. But just being invited to a few key things might do the trick.

You can also use COVID as an excuse--tell them that only parents are invited. If they will buy that.

In 2023? Yeah, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids[b], but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

Op here. There’s one kid. And I never ask except for rare instances. All 4 grandparents are healthy and one is just barely 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Sure not all want to spend time where they are responsible for child care. Instead of using the word babysit for grandparents, some consider it as spending quality time with their GC. The close warm bond isn't built by attending their shows or sports events. GP, family, are hopefully people above the level of babysitter for hire.

We had 1 person who started as a babysitter and became a close famiy friend- used to sit on same schedule when my parents were there and times when the GP and I were also present. My mom even went shopping with her. Me home with 1 kid - 1 at the store. Fine special attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

As long as grandparents communicate their limitations, fine.

I know of too many “performative grandparents” who put on a big show of wanting more time, more time, more time, but when it comes down to it, they want approximately 30 minutes of perfectly-behaved grandchildren before it’s back to their devices, their TV, their interests, and expecting everything to be clean and quiet at all times. No worries, they’ll take 20 photos in 10 minutes so they can post on Facebook and get all the credit for being “involved” grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

Wow, so watching two kids for a few hours is too much for you yet you can’t understand why hosting an extra set of grandparents during the school and work week is too much for exhausted parents.

Your post really nails the disconnect between boomers and millennials. You have no desire to respect or understand that your adult children are pulled in multiple directions. Getting mad because you weren’t invited is being selfish and self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

Op here. This times 10000

Wow, so watching two kids for a few hours is too much for you yet you can’t understand why hosting an extra set of grandparents during the school and work week is too much for exhausted parents.

Your post really nails the disconnect between boomers and millennials. You have no desire to respect or understand that your adult children are pulled in multiple directions. Getting mad because you weren’t invited is being selfish and self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

Wow, so watching two kids for a few hours is too much for you yet you can’t understand why hosting an extra set of grandparents during the school and work week is too much for exhausted parents.

Your post really nails the disconnect between boomers and millennials. You have no desire to respect or understand that your adult children are pulled in multiple directions. Getting mad because you weren’t invited is being selfish and self centered.

Messed up quoting. Op here. This 10000000x

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

Wow, so watching two kids for a few hours is too much for you yet you can’t understand why hosting an extra set of grandparents during the school and work week is too much for exhausted parents.

Your post really nails the disconnect between boomers and millennials. You have no desire to respect or understand that your adult children are pulled in multiple directions. Getting mad because you weren’t invited is being selfish and self centered.

I don't think it's a disconnect between millenials and boomers. I posted at 18:53 - I'm a boomer and a DC spouse had the boomer parent and themselves cared for by housekeepers etc. GP that wanted to have time with the spouse as a child were shut down and only 1 of 4 wanted housekeeper 100% v GP time. But that 1 and the now MIL of our DC drove the entire scheme.

The Gma who "I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat." is totally out of line. Some like that would expect the couple pay sitter/nanny/housekeeper and go to dinner with the couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a grandma...my reality is that I'm not capable of watching several kids at the same time anymore. I'm just not. It doesn't mean I don't love my grandchildren; I do--very much. I absolutely LOVE to be invited to school events.

Now OP's situation is different. There are two grandparents together. So maybe they can watch all the kids, but I wouldn't just assume that. Maybe one grandparent is hale and hearty and spends more time than the OP realizes taking care of her other parent.

I have a friend my age--mid-70s--who said that she really resented the fact that her mom would never watch both her kids for her when she was young, but her mom would often invite one of her kids to an opera or other event her mom enjoyed. Now, she finally "gets it." Her mom could manage one of her children, but didn't feel comfortable watching 2.

Plus, letting your parents attend school events, lets them find out about your kids. It's easier to babysit kids you KNOW than to babysit kids you know nothing about. If your dad knows your son likes baseball, maybe he'll grab a ball and bat on the way to your house to babysit---and things will go better. Or he'll say something like "I really liked the song your class sung in assembly. I couldn't quite catch all the words though. Could you teach it to me?"

I honestly feel very sad for the OP's parents because, to this senior citizen, OP comes across as a spoiled brat.

You need to pull your head out of your ass if you think OP is coming across as a spoiled brat.