10 yo DS too shy to be polite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it may be a phase. My DS was like that at 10. He would hide behind me if he saw a teacher walking by, so he wouldn't have to speak. He never raised his hand in school. He would talk to relatives, only because he knew them well. Otherwise he was avoidant.

I never classified him as shy or questioned if he was neuro-divergent. I just basically ignored it.

FF 10 years and he is a different kid. When he left for college, he reinvented himself. He is outgoing and is president of his fraternity. Never in a MILLION years would have I predicted it. If someone showed me a crystal ball, I would have laughed.

Encourage him, but not from fear. Support who he is. If you focus on it, it may become worse. Of course, if your instinct is he has other issues, then that's another issue.

OP here. YES. The hiding behind me drives me nuts, mostly because it's so new. I don't think he's ND...I really don't. And I'm trying not to pressure him, we practice some interactions, etc. But if it's a phase, it's a painful one for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

[Anonymous]

Practice as much as possible and reinforce the victories! Just like any other fear, his social fears can be desensitized a a bit. Has he seen a counselor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

NP. Selective mutism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

SM is selective mutism. It refers to the fear of speaking in selective, not all, social situations. My child was also super chatty in certain places around certain people, but in other public situations, she was mute. It was CBT that helped her but also practicing the skills she learned in therapy out in public. The key was lowering expectations of speaking which lowered anxiety and then breaking down the desired behavior into small steps and then practicing them in increasingly difficult steps. I found this book super helpful: The Selective Mutism Resource Manual: 2nd Edition (A Speechmark Practical Sourcebook) https://a.co/d/ePTgzrs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

NP. Selective mutism.

Another excuse for spoiled brats and crap parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

NP. Selective mutism.

Another excuse for spoiled brats and crap parents.

You sound like a real joy to be around.
Get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP, try posting this in the special needs forum. You’ll find less snark there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, try posting this in the special needs forum. You’ll find less snark there

But OP doesn't think he HAS special needs. He hasn't been diagnosed with anything

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a very shy child. Do what you can to help him change his behavior now. therapy might be a good option.
Life doesn't get easier and this can be a real problem as he gets older

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

NP. Selective mutism.

Another excuse for spoiled brats and crap parents.

How is it spoiling a kid or being a crap parent to try to understand why this is happening so the parent can help her child work through it? Sorry that nobody taught you reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP with a child suffering from SM. I forgot to say, phrases like thank you, please, hello, etc are the most difficult for kids with social anxiety because there is an expectation to say them.

Posters above who are attacking this kid’s manners and mom’s parenting: you are really lucky to have NT kids who can do these things with ease, but you haven’t walked in other peoples’ shoes

What is SM? It's odd, because he's quite talkative in most situations. But if you're a server who asks what he wants to drink at a restaurant, you'd think you'd just asked him to do quantum physics. "Sprite, please," just won't come out. I've asked what the worst case scenario here is, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Flips out, actually.

NP. Selective mutism.

Another excuse for spoiled brats and crap parents.

How is it spoiling a kid or being a crap parent to try to understand why this is happening so the parent can help her child work through it? Sorry that nobody taught you reading comprehension.

My comprehension is fine. Maybe you should read post I responded to.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed that covid lockdowns have affected the socialization of my youngest. When she leaves an activity I will tell her to say good bye and look the person in the eyes. Right now she knows it's expected of her but still doesn't follow through most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, try posting this in the special needs forum. You’ll find less snark there

He doesn't have SN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed that covid lockdowns have affected the socialization of my youngest. When she leaves an activity I will tell her to say good bye and look the person in the eyes. Right now she knows it's expected of her but still doesn't follow through most of the time.

He wasn't really affected by them. Back in school August 2020, traveled and did activities throughout, etc.