13 month long maternity leave

[Anonymous]

I did the same, OP, and it was so lovely!! The PP’s are right about it all being an easy and relaxed pace when you and your baby work in sync. I stayed home with my first baby for a full year too and loved it. No pumping, no bottles, no rushing. It was a pretty perfect introduction to motherhood.

I did a baby yoga class and a mommy and me type class. Both were wonderful for advice and socializing. Two of the moms are close friends still after close to eight years.

I also did a great book club unrelated to motherhood that met during the day!

Enjoy!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm wrapping up a six month leave now and honestly can't imagine being away from work for longer. I'm not cut out to be a SAHP and the last couple months have been really draining and lonely. I hope you have a good experience. Mommy and me groups could work, but it's tough because those are typically SAHMs and IME they aren't really interested in connecting with someone who's going back to work, even in a year.

OP, you seem wildly optimistic about what this time is going to be like. There is a reason men return to work. It’s not remotely fun.

Maybe it wasn't for you but there are many career women like myself who really enjoyed my extended leave.

NP. I'm a career woman as well. I was able to take 5 months off with my first child. Luckily, because I needed that time due to some complications that prolonged my recovery. I had a hard time adjusting to caring for an infant, but by 5 months felt really comfortable taking care of my baby full-time. I went back to work 3 days per week, and absolutely hated working with a baby. Hated it. As DC1 grew, I hated it less and eventually I felt comfortable as a working mom. Still, I was determined that I would not work again with a baby. So we waited to have another, saved money and made a financial plan. When DC2 was born, I quit my job (by this time, I was with a different employer) and stayed home for 16 months. Honestly, it was one of the happiest times of my life. When DC2 was 16 months old, I started a new job, with no regrets. I felt like the right time to return. My career has thrived since then and has been a source of great satisfaction in my life. Some of us love taking care of our kids AND love our jobs.

Not sure why there is so much negativity on this thread. OP, my advice is to relax and enjoy your time at home and try to connect with other moms. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I would have loved a longer time home with my oldest! Well either of them but the first was a big transition. I think advice to have plans but be flexible is good. One of my kids was colicky and cried for hours every day for a while. We just survived. The other one was easy from the start I brought him around with me doing stuff I enjoyed and meeting up with friends. Do try to leave the house as much as you can but be really kind to yourself if it doesn’t look how you hoped.

[Anonymous]

I had nine months with my first and it was absolutely wonderful. I’m happy for you, OP.

Ignore the ugly posters, please.

[Anonymous]

Be prepared you won’t want to go back OP. I always planned to be a SAHM and I would have been devastated to leave m baby at 13 months.

You will find a groove. Definitely get out of the house and meet other moms on a regular basis, that will make all the difference. I would start even before your DH goes back to work to help your transition to being alone with the baby so you don’t get spoiled having him there and not know what to do alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be prepared you won’t want to go back OP. I always planned to be a SAHM and I would have been devastated to leave m baby at 13 months.

You will find a groove. Definitely get out of the house and meet other moms on a regular basis, that will make all the difference. I would start even before your DH goes back to work to help your transition to being alone with the baby so you don’t get spoiled having him there and not know what to do alone.

I think OP will go back to finish her doctorate. I was definitely ready to go back to work at 10 months.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing in the whole world like your first baby! It is a miracle and a marvel and you will not regret spending this time with them. Not only do you get to witness and engage with them and develop but your baby will have the luxury of basking in your love an attention and napping when they need to. They will have quiet when they need it and stimuli when they are eager for it. Yes it can be boring and repetitive and lonely but IMO it is a fair sacrifice for the gifts you and your child receive. Enjoy - it will go slowly and very fast at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Even for DCUM, the attacks on OP are ridiculous.

Good for you, OP! I wish I could have taken a year with my babies.

[Anonymous]

I was accidentally off for a year with my one and only and it was the best thing that could have happened for us. It was a very unusual set of circumstances and totally foreign to me but we did great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.

Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.

As most Americans would understand the term, you're right, but in just about every other western country it is exactly what maternity leave is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.

Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.

As most Americans would understand the term, you're right, but in just about every other western country it is exactly what maternity leave is.

No, its not. Germany provides 6 months of maternity leave at full pay and 6 months at a graduated stipend.

Leaving a job and retaining income is the point. OP is an unpaid wife/student who will not even be paid by the college as a professor taking actual leave would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.

Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.

As most Americans would understand the term, you're right, but in just about every other western country it is exactly what maternity leave is.

No, its not. Germany provides 6 months of maternity leave at full pay and 6 months at a graduated stipend.

Leaving a job and retaining income is the point. OP is an unpaid wife/student who will not even be paid by the college as a professor taking actual leave would.

It doesn’t matter if she’s paid or not. She’s taking time off and plans to go back- that’s “leave”. Most women in the US aren’t getting paid while on maternity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.

Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.

As most Americans would understand the term, you're right, but in just about every other western country it is exactly what maternity leave is.

No, its not. Germany provides 6 months of maternity leave at full pay and 6 months at a graduated stipend.

Leaving a job and retaining income is the point. OP is an unpaid wife/student who will not even be paid by the college as a professor taking actual leave would.

It doesn’t matter if she’s paid or not. She’s taking time off and plans to go back- that’s “leave”. Most women in the US aren’t getting paid while on maternity.

You've gone from arguing Europeans are taking unpaid jaunts out of the workforce to have babies to now Americans are. Which is it? Because the former don't do that unpaid, their government gives that extensive child payments and leave payments. And the latter doesn't do it for long-term stints of a year precisely because their jobs aren't protected - they are either in or they're out as permanent SAHPs.

[Anonymous]

I did that kind of leave (11 months) and I was bored after the 6-month mark, probably 4 months really. Do story times, go to the farmers market, take your baby everywhere! And get a babysitter (or lean on Grandma/Grandpa if possible) for occasional help/breaks. Employees get breaks; so should a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.

Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.

As most Americans would understand the term, you're right, but in just about every other western country it is exactly what maternity leave is.

No, its not. Germany provides 6 months of maternity leave at full pay and 6 months at a graduated stipend.

Leaving a job and retaining income is the point. OP is an unpaid wife/student who will not even be paid by the college as a professor taking actual leave would.

It doesn’t matter if she’s paid or not. She’s taking time off and plans to go back- that’s “leave”. Most women in the US aren’t getting paid while on maternity.

You've gone from arguing Europeans are taking unpaid jaunts out of the workforce to have babies to now Americans are. Which is it? Because the former don't do that unpaid, their government gives that extensive child payments and leave payments. And the latter doesn't do it for long-term stints of a year precisely because their jobs aren't protected - they are either in or they're out as permanent SAHPs.

The extent of “fully paid” leave in European countries is very much exaggerated. The maximum weekly amounts are typically very low and something in line with unemployment payments. For example, in the UK you receive 90% for 6 weeks and after that, it’s $200 MAX a week from the government for 33 weeks. Now $200 a week is better than nothing, but it’s hardly “fully paid.” I would argue that what the UK is offering isn’t that much better than the US (since most women have access to state or STD policies for 6-8 weeks). The exception is that you’ll have your job held for you, but their labor market is also more rigid.