Is it rude not to invite kids to a party if I didn't receive a TY note?

[Anonymous]

OP, I've never said anything remotely mean to anyone on this message board, but I cannot keep my mouth shut on this one. And it is well-deserved.

I pity your children for having an insane mother who will, no doubt, skew their views on the world, and give them a sense of entitlement, and teach them that you should only do nice things for others if you will be recognized and rewarded for doing them, not because it's the right thing to do or because you want to do those nice things. You will never be happy.

I hope to never know you in person.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully parents will help kids send thank you notes or parents, it's nice to acknowledge a gift even with an e-mail. But kids at certain ages can't be responsible without some help from the grown-ups. It's not their fault.

I'm for ending this thread. The point's been made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was expecting way more support considering that every TY thread gets at least a good number of people supporting doing them. On those thread's no one is giving non TY senders the benefit of the doubt that they have other things going on in their lives.

Here's the deal, what do you do about not getting a TY card? If somebody is not going to take the time to send one then they obviously do not care about TY cards. I doubt receiving one from me will show them the way. It will probably go in the trash the second after they open it. I'll still send it but I have no expectation that it will change their behavior. It would be strange to call someone and say "hey I didn't receive a TY card from you, did you get the gift?". I am not into just venting about people on an anonymous board or gossiping to other moms about who doesn't send them. I thought I came up with a good action to give some of the non-TY card senders a few tangible consequences for their actions.

Nicely done, OP -- way to kick it up another few notches!! I'm now more convinced than ever that this is a joke post!!!! I can't believe how many of you are falling for it . . . .

[Anonymous]

I love the post about how we could write thank you notes while sitting in front of the tv. That's a joke. I do not have time to sit in front of the tv unless it's while I am nursing. I suppose while nursing, I should write my TY notes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been on DCUM for a long, long time and OP, you win the award for craziest, meanest, most bizarre poster. Congrats. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I honestly just knew this post was a joke when I first saw it. Wow.

Yes, it has to be a joke. If it's not, I agree that OP has the lead in the clubhouse, or at least is tied with the "who stole my bouquet" poster.

[Anonymous]

"Here's the deal, what do you do about not getting a TY card?"

You don't do anything, you loon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the post about how we could write thank you notes while sitting in front of the tv. That's a joke. I do not have time to sit in front of the tv unless it's while I am nursing. I suppose while nursing, I should write my TY notes?

Oh, that's silly! I just dictate my thank you notes to my personal secretary while I'm nursing and watching TV. Easy peasy.

OP and I are heading down to the mall now to see how many people open doors for us so that we can chastise those who don't. Meant to note that OP made this all about "mothers" by saying she hoped the uninvited children will somehow convey the message to their moms. Beyond how insidious it is to try and have children exact your petty revenge, OP, it's interesting how you give the dads a free pass...no obligation exists for them to thank you, huh? So in addition for your distain for people who don't write thank you notes, you also hate women! Awesome. Let's be buds.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get how annoying not getting a TY note can be. I had to ask a friend's maid of honor if our friend received our wedding gift. At the time, the bride hadn't sent any TY notes. She never did. The only reason I know she received the gift is I saw it in her kitchen! (She did know it was from us because she told people we'd given it to her.) Did this keep me from attending her baby shower and buying a gift? No. I know that sometimes people get distracted or busy or don't necessarily think TY cards are necessary. Obviously, some acknowledgement even if it's at the party is nice.

And, yes, I'm guilty of not always sending TY cards myself. At DC's last birthday party, I was in the kitchen fixing the cake, etc. and DH was supervising the present opening. He separated all of the cards (to the extent they even existed) from the presents and didn't have a clue who gave what. I had to just thank everyone in person for "the gift" and hope that was sufficient. I still feel guilty about it. But is it better to write a note saying "thanks for the gift. DC will enjoy it a lot" than to say thanks when DC is playing with all the gifts during the party? Sometimes I think an impersonal card that is obviously just copied from card to card is worse than the in person thank you.

I think the TY note issue is separate from the party invite. If your DC was invited to another kid's party, then that kid should be invited to your DC's party.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, OP. I am having a very stressful day and your outrageous and ridiculous post was just the laugh I needed!

[Anonymous]

I am a busy professional and about to become a first time Mom. I have already purchased numerous thank you cards for my shower gifts and personalized stationary for my soon-to-be-born DD (who I am sure will receive gifts after she is born). I generally remember the folks who do not send thank you notes for gifts I sent that were not received in person. In other words, I am a BIG believer in thank you notes, no matter how busy/hectic your life is.

That being said, I would NEVER EVER even consider not inviting my child's friends to a birthday party simply because their parents failed to send a thank you note (especially if your child was already thanked in person). That's not teaching those parents a lesson -- that's just punishing the kids for something their parents did. Get a life. Seriously. Whatever breech of etiquette those parents may (or may not) have committed doesn't justify you not inviting their kids to the party. Have you never heard the old saying, two wrongs don't make a right???

[Anonymous]

I sometimes can be a bit slow with the thank you note, and don't think it's strange at all when people ask whether I got the gift. So if it bothers you that much, then you need to address the issue by asking whether they got/enjoyed it - not being passive-aggressive.
How about inviting them to your party, and asking if they got/enjoyed your gift?
BTW if your gift was opened at the parties you attended, and they thanked you verbally, then you should NOT expect a thank-you note. A PP mentioned this, and a lot of people send them anyways, but technically, it's not required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was expecting way more support considering that every TY thread gets at least a good number of people supporting doing them. On those thread's no one is giving non TY senders the benefit of the doubt that they have other things going on in their lives.

Here's the deal, what do you do about not getting a TY card? If somebody is not going to take the time to send one then they obviously do not care about TY cards. I doubt receiving one from me will show them the way. It will probably go in the trash the second after they open it. I'll still send it but I have no expectation that it will change their behavior. It would be strange to call someone and say "hey I didn't receive a TY card from you, did you get the gift?". I am not into just venting about people on an anonymous board or gossiping to other moms about who doesn't send them. I thought I came up with a good action to give some of the non-TY card senders a few tangible consequences for their actions.

The problem with this course of action is that people will not know why their child was not invited to the party. Also, some people may be happy to not get an invitation, with the exception of a few close friends, I groan each time my DD brings home an invite. Sometime these parties are a total PIA.

[zumbamama]

I didn't receive a TY card for a bday party I went to 2 weeks ago. But I would've never even remembered not getting one unless I read this post. If I get a card, I'm pleasantly surprised. But if not, I will forget all about it. My mind is too jammed with a million other thoughts than to be wondering where my TY card is weeks after the event.

[Anonymous]

zumbamama wrote:I didn't receive a TY card for a bday party I went to 2 weeks ago. But I would've never even remembered not getting one unless I read this post. If I get a card, I'm pleasantly surprised. But if not, I will forget all about it. My mind is too jammed with a million other thoughts than to be wondering where my TY card is weeks after the event.

That is because you are not a bored petty house frow.

[Anonymous]

Hallooooo, EGO. Are you freaking kidding? Better save the money for the party on the therapy your kid is going to need after growing up with your rigid ways.