Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

I’m the PP whose husband actually fully participates in running his own house and raising his own kids bc he’s a good partner who values my career happiness. This made me throw up in my mouth. You need to either make enough money to fully support a comfortable SAHM lifestyle, or f***ing pull your weight in your own house. You expect all the benefits of a highly educated intelligent woman giving up her own career to run your house, but you can’t or won’t pay the real cost of that, so instead you just sit there and happily watch your wife get the worst of both worlds. So gross!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

OK, I will bite. I think most men have a baseline standard on three things in a woman they want to marry: (1) physical attractiveness; (2) being caring and kind; (3) enthusiasm/frequency of sex. If a woman meets all three of those baseline requirements, they are marriage material. If any of those three are missing in a woman, they are not really marriage material. Things like intelligence, career, sense of humor, shared hobbies, are all nice bonuses for some men, but not core requirements.

I think the main exception to this is for religiously devout men who remain celibate before marriage. Then shared religious values are part of the baseline standard but sexual compatibility is just glossed over pre-marriage and can lead to a sexually incompatibility during the marriage.

I'm not a man, so maybe every man who's said otherwise to me was lying (and I'm not just talking about men I've dated, I'm mostly talking about men I wasn't ever going to date)...but I don't think this is true for all men. I've had many male friends complain to me about not being able to find a woman who was intelligent/funny and those being deal-breakers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my DH cared that I was career focused before we got married.

Once we got married and had kids, he definitely preferred I stay home, and couldn’t care less

This. It’s much easier for DH that I stay home.

[Anonymous]

I think my Dh cared when we were younger. I went to Harvard, was ambitious and attractive. I don’t think he would have dated a woman who didn’t go to college or didn’t have a career and just wanted to be a sahm.

Fast forward 20 years, i am a sahm of 3 kids. I’m pretty bad at housework and anything home related. We do have 3 pretty amazing kids.

Dh doesn’t care what I do now. He prefers that I raise our kids. We both didn’t think I would be a sahm when we got married. Never in a million years would I have thought that.

[Anonymous]

I've had many male friends complain to me about not being able to find a woman who was intelligent/funny and those being deal-breakers.

Intelligent enough women in this area are plentiful.

[Anonymous]

Going by what I've observed from brother s and friends they only care about career in that it's something they can tell mom about or no stripping or porn nothing too off the wall, but they typically don't care about job and career outside of that.

Certain circles care about education,but this isn't the majority.


Most men don't care about the hottest body either.

When they settle down most men I know have picked a reasonably attractive woman , who had got some intelligence and they enjoy being around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

Yes, but I'm an extreme outlier who accidentally stumbled into a high-paying career, because I gained skills in grad school that later blew up in the job market. The bigger point is that men want something that's kind of impossible. Highly-educated, high-earning DW whose job doesn't really impact her ability to take care of the household.

Astonishingly, there are many resentful women on a board like DCUM which is full of highly-educated women.

I am that unicorn with the unicorn job. Both my spouse and I realized early on how good it was. It's getting easier to find with the way telework has taken off, along with job flexibility or more parental leave--like govt. actually paying 12 weeks of maternal leave (I had it unpaid.)

The bolded really nails it on the head. I'm sure in a perfect world, that is exactly what my DH would want for me - a high earning, low stress 40-hour a week job so that he wouldn't have to step up. Unfortunately those jobs are pretty rare in the law. As it stands I'm like the OP of the original comment; I could have pursued much higher paying jobs (counsel/income partner in biglaw, with maybe a track to equity partner) but ultimately I went in house since it allowed me to still effectively manage the household and actively raise our two kids. Even still, I outsource a lot, and we have family help nearby, but am still exhausted all the time, so I really have so much admiration for women who do all of this with far less help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

I meet this same criteria and lived this exact life and my ex decided to have mid-life crisis and run off with his affair. We had a $1 million house and two helpers for driving, free vacations, fun friends, healthy kids and healthy spouses. Men just have issues mid life I've decided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

I meet this same criteria and lived this exact life and my ex decided to have mid-life crisis and run off with his affair. We had a $1 million house and two helpers for driving, free vacations, fun friends, healthy kids and healthy spouses. Men just have issues mid life I've decided.

Also the house was 3/4 paid off, college tuition paid off, and I had my own inheritance which covered not only me but the kids. Whatever. Life Happens.

[Anonymous]

To marry a woman who is both hot and high earning, usually the man has to be both hot and high earning. What about men who are high earning but not hot? What kinds of women do those men go for? Think a guy who is 5’6 balding in his early 30’s and makes 500k+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To marry a woman who is both hot and high earning, usually the man has to be both hot and high earning. What about men who are high earning but not hot? What kinds of women do those men go for? Think a guy who is 5’6 balding in his early 30’s and makes 500k+

See: other thread about Russian mail order brides. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Same.

This is what I've noticed. Career accomplishments optional, education not.

All things said "education"/ "intelligence"/ "success" is shorthand for other capacities and character traits that may come in handy when building a life with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here —

Career doesn’t matter but education does.

The ideal woman attends a t10, majors in a humanities or social science, works for a few years in a self actualizing sector, then shift to part time.

Dutch women have this down to a science.

Check out how Dutch women approach work and life

Married to gorgeous 6'6"+ men with a funny sarcastic sense of humor. That's how they approach it. I've dated some hot Dutch men in my lifetime.

please say more! (hte first person quoted)

[Anonymous]

Sure, they’ll say they do. That’s the socially acceptable thing to say.

But would they move for your huge promotion or cover for you if your travel ramps up or manage the nanny and schedule more? Or just complain and shut down?

[Anonymous]

Friendship, humor and intellectual compatibility become very important after 60’s when you remove distractions of kids and career.