DNA/genealogy testing - could one day implicate your kids in a crime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend think that she is such a bad parent that she is raising criminals?

Do you seriously think no criminals come from good parents? Good parents produce drug addicts. Drug addicts commit crimes. It’s part of the disease of needing money for drugs but frequently not having any.

Mmmmm...drug addicts are created by nurture much more than nature. Think about the behavior chain. That didn't spontaneously happen. It was nurtured from the moment of birth.

I have two cousins who are drug addicts. They were adopted as infants. At least one of their parents was an addict. Their adoptive parents raised them well, taught them how to behave, etc. They experimented with drugs in high school and that was it. Their sibling was not adopted and also experimented. She is not an addict and went to graduate from college. Nature is what got them hooked.

I am sorry but the research doesn't support any of what you're saying. I appreciate that you're trying to "protect" your aunt/uncle but you need to recognize that those kids ended up experimenting with drugs because their parents were not providing the right support and structure in their household. They also weren't monitoring the kids very well. The sibling who was not adopted (raised by another family or her birth family?) got what she needed so she stayed on the right path. If your cousins had gotten what they needed they, too, would not be drug addicts today.

Says the mother of toddlers.

No. I work with high risk teens. I am fully familiar with the research, and I work with kids every single day who have addictions or who engage in high risk behaviors.

Children engaging in high-risk behaviors were not born that way; they were made that way. Their parents all love them (well, most of their parents) but their parents raised the children they thought they had, not the children they had. When we remove the high-risk children from their environment and retrain them we see positive change, when the children return to the home environment we see a reversion to the high risk behaviors. The only time there is a successful return is if we have been successful in getting the parents to change their behaviors so that they parent the child they have, not the child they wanted or thought they had. This success happens very, very infrequently because it is very hard to get the parents to change their parenting behaviors for the better.

Again, this is all very well documented. It isn't the child's fault. The poster blaming DNA for the adopted cousins problems is wrong.

[Anonymous]

^^ you need some more training.

The best parents in the world can raise a lovely kid….who is molested during a sleepover and turns to drugs later.

The best parents in the world can have a kid who has adhd or other cognitive issues which impact the kid making riskier choices.

The best parents in the world can raise a kid who is accused of date rape,’or shoplifting or doing drugs from peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The lack of understanding and appreciation of basic privacy is frankly appalling.

Meaning what?

https://www.forbes.com/sites/ellenmatloff/2019/08/20/genetic-testing-unleashed-what-could-possibly-go-wrong/?sh=73cbf19a468e

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ you need some more training.

The best parents in the world can raise a lovely kid….who is molested during a sleepover and turns to drugs later.

The best parents in the world can have a kid who has adhd or other cognitive issues which impact the kid making riskier choices.

The best parents in the world can raise a kid who is accused of date rape,’or shoplifting or doing drugs from peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

Mmmmm...Let's take this point by point.

Point #1: they aren't the best parents in the world if their kid is molested during a sleepover. Why? Because they didn't make sure the household was safe where the kid was sleeping over. And the kid didn't feel confident in telling the parents what happened. And they didn't get appropriate help for the kid.

Point #2: they aren't the best parents in the world if they aren't appropriately supporting a kid with ADHS or cognitive issues to help the kid NOT make riskier choices. Parents cannot be the "best" parents if they aren't training their kids to work with their abilities and disabilities.

Point #3: they aren't the best parents in the world if they are shoplifting or doing drugs because of peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

I don't know what planet you're from but your arguments are bad and your parenting must be worse.

(NP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ you need some more training.

The best parents in the world can raise a lovely kid….who is molested during a sleepover and turns to drugs later.

The best parents in the world can have a kid who has adhd or other cognitive issues which impact the kid making riskier choices.

The best parents in the world can raise a kid who is accused of date rape,’or shoplifting or doing drugs from peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

Mmmmm...Let's take this point by point.

Point #1: they aren't the best parents in the world if their kid is molested during a sleepover. Why? Because they didn't make sure the household was safe where the kid was sleeping over. And the kid didn't feel confident in telling the parents what happened. And they didn't get appropriate help for the kid.

Point #2: they aren't the best parents in the world if they aren't appropriately supporting a kid with ADHS or cognitive issues to help the kid NOT make riskier choices. Parents cannot be the "best" parents if they aren't training their kids to work with their abilities and disabilities.

Point #3: they aren't the best parents in the world if they are shoplifting or doing drugs because of peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

I don't know what planet you're from but your arguments are bad and your parenting must be worse.

(NP)

You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Really. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ you need some more training.

The best parents in the world can raise a lovely kid….who is molested during a sleepover and turns to drugs later.

The best parents in the world can have a kid who has adhd or other cognitive issues which impact the kid making riskier choices.

The best parents in the world can raise a kid who is accused of date rape,’or shoplifting or doing drugs from peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

Mmmmm...Let's take this point by point.

Point #1: they aren't the best parents in the world if their kid is molested during a sleepover. Why? Because they didn't make sure the household was safe where the kid was sleeping over. And the kid didn't feel confident in telling the parents what happened. And they didn't get appropriate help for the kid.

Point #2: they aren't the best parents in the world if they aren't appropriately supporting a kid with ADHS or cognitive issues to help the kid NOT make riskier choices. Parents cannot be the "best" parents if they aren't training their kids to work with their abilities and disabilities.

Point #3: they aren't the best parents in the world if they are shoplifting or doing drugs because of peer pressure or in order to stay awake and study more.

I don't know what planet you're from but your arguments are bad and your parenting must be worse.

(NP)

You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Really. None.

NP with what you'd call high achieving "good" older teen and a young adult in college, and wow I so disagree with this point-by-point PP. I think this PP does not have older kids. To think that a parent can fully control an older child's every move is not realistic.

This is the same logic that would blame the victim of a rape. "Well, she should have been more careful. She shouldn't have been in this situation." Only it transfers responsibility from the victim to the victim's parents "Well, her parents shouldn't have let her be in this situation"

One of the interesting things that the point-by-point PP reveals is that she sees herself as the star in her DC's life play. That her DC's "goodness" or "badness" is solely due to her.

So, that aside, I don't know if the point-by-point PP has ever paid any attention to the opioid crisis, where so many "good" people; adults and kids--were turned into addicts because their trusted doctors prescribed opioids for things such as period cramps or an athletic injury.

[Anonymous]

I have daughters so I don't really worry about them committing violent crimes that I might need to conceal. If anything, they might be a victim and more info about them is probably better. I think this is some kind of #boymom agenda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have daughters so I don't really worry about them committing violent crimes that I might need to conceal. If anything, they might be a victim and more info about them is probably better. I think this is some kind of #boymom agenda.

Good thinking! Ghislaine’s mom agrees!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have daughters so I don't really worry about them committing violent crimes that I might need to conceal. If anything, they might be a victim and more info about them is probably better. I think this is some kind of #boymom agenda.

Good thinking! Ghislaine’s mom agrees!!

Jodi arias, Shayna Hubers, girls, Anissa Weier, Morgan Geyser, Michelle Carter, too. Best never watch a Dateline, 20/20 or 48 Hours. It clashes with the ostrich look.

[Anonymous]

The Chinese government uses a DNA database for involuntary organ harvesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Chinese government uses a DNA database for involuntary organ harvesting.

Now that's interesting. Source?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend think that she is such a bad parent that she is raising criminals?

Do you seriously think no criminals come from good parents? Good parents produce drug addicts. Drug addicts commit crimes. It’s part of the disease of needing money for drugs but frequently not having any.

Mmmmm...drug addicts are created by nurture much more than nature. Think about the behavior chain. That didn't spontaneously happen. It was nurtured from the moment of birth.

I have two cousins who are drug addicts. They were adopted as infants. At least one of their parents was an addict. Their adoptive parents raised them well, taught them how to behave, etc. They experimented with drugs in high school and that was it. Their sibling was not adopted and also experimented. She is not an addict and went to graduate from college. Nature is what got them hooked.

Agree. Also knew someone with similar circumstances.

[Anonymous]

You can turn off / opt out of searching/sharing which includes the database used by police. They can only search as a relative would and will not find anyone not sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your friend think that she is such a bad parent that she is raising criminals?

Do you seriously think no criminals come from good parents? Good parents produce drug addicts. Drug addicts commit crimes. It’s part of the disease of needing money for drugs but frequently not having any.

Mmmmm...drug addicts are created by nurture much more than nature. Think about the behavior chain. That didn't spontaneously happen. It was nurtured from the moment of birth.

I have two cousins who are drug addicts. They were adopted as infants. At least one of their parents was an addict. Their adoptive parents raised them well, taught them how to behave, etc. They experimented with drugs in high school and that was it. Their sibling was not adopted and also experimented. She is not an addict and went to graduate from college. Nature is what got them hooked.

Agree. Also knew someone with similar circumstances.

“ It is striking to observe that some criminals are the sons and daughters of parents who are devoted, stable, and responsible. Unfortunately, the best efforts of parents to help and correct this kind of child can and usually do fail. As it turns out the parents are usually the victims, the child the victimizer, not the other way around.” source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-the-criminal-mind/201602/parents-dont-turn-children-criminals?amp

“ And while the environment has tremendous power to mold people's behavior and feelings, it's not all powerful. And there are things that people do have that cannot be shaped or changed by even the best or worst environment.” Source https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128542130

“ The sexual sadist who taunted police and journalists for decades with anonymous letters signed BTK—for his “Bind, Torture, Kill” murder method—was the most ostentatiously brutal serial killer that Wichita, Kansas had ever seen. He killed at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991, including four members of the same family (the Oteros). But when Dennis Rader was finally apprehended in 2005, the world was shocked by just how ordinary a life he had otherwise lived.” source https://www.aetv.com/real-crime/serial-killers-who-came-from-good-homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH won't let anyone in the family share DNA. I think he is worried about cold cases for himself.

That's crazy! Your DH has no control over an aunt/uncle, cousins, siblings, parents, etc. doing DNA. And when his kids are 18 (21?), they can do DNA without his consent. I have been doing genealogy for decades, and although I am not an expert on DNA, I have been able to connect to 2nd and 3rd cousins and more through DNA matches.

For example, several years ago, a college student did his DNA and was a match to me and my mother. I didn't recognize the name but sent him an email. He told me his grandfather's last name which matched my grandmother's maiden name. It turned out my grandmother's father and his grandfather's father were brothers, so we were third cousins. It's often fairly easy to connect the dots even without very close relatives testing. And easier as more and more people test.

Does it concern you that your husband is hiding something or was that a joke comment at the end?