S/o: If your toddler was "at risk" how did you handle discipline?

[Anonymous]

My son was premature and has had some delays. He's three now. We have an appointment with a dev ped coming up and I'm not sure what will happen. I think he's kind of on the verge of having an issue. I'm troubled by the impulsiveness, the destructive play, the refusal/inability to respond to commands, the inability to entertain himself and the need to lash out, hit, kick, which is not constant by any means but which I'm starting to see more. He's also a sweet affectionate kid who engages in a lot of imaginary play. But I'm going so crazy on a day to day basis with him I just feel like a jerk all the time. He is so high maintenance. His sister is about one fourth as demanding. What can I do here? I'm not patient by nature and I'm just struggling to remain calm and be loving. We do time outs and I've been trying to do kkadzin but I think I need more help implementing it. I'm really at a loss, and sometimes i just dread the long days. Help.

[Anonymous]

Whether you have a kid with SN or not, taking a discipline class like "Positive Discipline" http://www.parentingplaygroups.com/parentworkshopdescriptions.htm will help you immensely. You should also read up on things like 123 Magic. My oldest is now 12 and I continue to reap the benefits of consistent/appropriate discipline. You think you need it now? What until you hit the pre-teen years. There's never a time you and your kid won't benefit from a good foundation.

[Anonymous]

My ex-preemie with developmental delays did not have those issues, but I would say that particularly if you suspect that your child has some kind of behavioral disorder, boundaries need to be put into place, even though enforcing them constantly is exhausting. Consequences (time-out, loss of privileges, whatever works) need to be immediate.

Also, don't forget that he's 3, and some perfectly normal 3 year olds are like this! They become better behaved as a result of time but also constant enforcement of rules. I can speak to the self-entertainment. I instituted one hour of me-time when DC2 was 3, when no one was allowed to bother me and the children had to figure out their own play without asking me. After some whining, they got the message.

My kids are well-behaved, but my oldest is so forgetful and disorganized (inattentive ADHD) that it annoys me to an extraordinary degree. There are days when I lose my temper and yell. You don't have to be perfect all the time, OP.

[Anonymous]

Read the kazdin method and try behavioral therapy.

[Anonymous]

I also recommend Dr. Shapiro's parenting class, Raising the Challenging Child. A good toolbox to use, including ways to foster a positive connection with your child, so it's not all negative scolding.

[Anonymous]

When my son was 2.5-3, we had some significant behavioral developmental delays. We had to walk a fine line between discipline and sending the kid over the edge with no chance of recovery for a number of hours. Eventually we decided that the discipline wasn't worth the hours of tantruming and screaming that followed. My son could not self regulate and once he lost control, we were looking at multiple hours to get him to calm down---it just wasn't worth it.

We worked with Dr. Shapiro to teach him self regulation skills. Once we explicitly taught him that, we were now in a position to begin behavior modification and discipline.

I feel your pain about the long days...there were many days that I woke up feeling like it was groundhog day.

He's now 5 and doing well. We are able to discipline using time outs, go to your room, saying sorry, etc just as you would for any other 5 year old.

But to get to this point, we had to address the underlying issue first.

Good luck