What to do with Kindergartener?

[Anonymous]

DS, July b-day, started kindergarten at 5 this past September. He's definitely struggling - eligible for extra reading tutoring (which he's doing), and seemingly not applying himself that much. I look at the kids' work in the hallways sometimes -- while there are a number of kids who, like him, are not writing at this point, the other kids do more elaborate pictures and will scribble more letters than he does (at home, he actually likes to color and create things). He's not much of a self-starter at school. School starts early and it's often of late a struggle to get him out the door (wasn't like this at the beginning). He had a meltdown this morning and said he wanted to stay home and not go to school but couldn't/wouldn't elaborate on why.

His report card was mediocre and there are some things that we know for a fact that he knows but was graded low on because he's not demonstrating the mastery at school. He's definitely very shy.

His teacher has been very helpful and really is working with him. But we're not sure what to do for next year. In a vacuum, without report cards or periodic conversations with the teacher, we'd say he's learned a lot -- he has learned the alphabet, can do decent writing if someone sounds out the word for him etc etc -- but it doesn't seem to be enough considering what kindergarten is like these days.

We're meeting with the teacher and the principal soon to discuss possible things to do but I really feel at a loss - I don't feel that we'd have avoided this issue by waiting for a year because we had similar issues in preschool but testing for speech and other issues turned up nothing. He went to a great preschool but stuff like letters just did not click and he often was not participatory (outside of school, he had a lot of friends and has no apparent problems with other kids/socializing now in kindergarten). Can kids this young be "lazy"? Is there some emotional issue or the shyness that's causing this? Or is he just one of these kids who takes longer to learn how to read and he's just frustrated with school demands that he's not ready for?

[Anonymous]

perhaps OT could help? if your child is very shy, what about a social gruop class or something like that? the school should be able to recommend other alternatives.

[Anonymous]

Just try to remember that the work that is done in K these days is often what used to be done in 1st grade. Has he made progress since Sept? That is how I would look at the matter. His teacher should also see it this way but may not. Kids are often judged against other kids esp in public school. It is very hard NOT to do this even as a parent.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the responses thus far. Regarding OT, we took DS for an OT evaluation when he was 4 because his preschool teacher felt that he might have sensory integration issues. He tested completely normally and the therapist said she didn't see a need for OT. That's what's been sort of confounding. His preschool teachers were convinced he had various issues. On one speech evaluation he tested at the low end of normal, but he wasn't close to qualifying for services. We even did a course of speech therapy to work on things like letter-sound correspondence before K.

He has made progress since September. Maybe we should be focused on that. His teacher did say to me back in January that the work they're doing now normally would have been done at the end of first grade some years back - in other words, the kids aren't doing work that's merely a year ahead, but 18 months!

[Anonymous]

Good Lord! 18 months ahead of time. I had no idea it was THAT bad. Could you afford private school? Maybe find one w/ a bit less emphasis on testing (which is why the public school curriculum is so out of control). I just went to a Catholic school Open House and one of the things on their flyer was that they teach to the child, not the test. Many parents are fed up w/ the testing culture and how out of control it has gotten in public school. I used to teach and I always kept work samples from each month of the year for spelling, reading, writing, etc. In nearly every case, there was significant improvement from the beginning to the end of the year. Keep the progress in mind. Most of us didn't learn to read until 1st grade. As far as writing, I only learned to write my name in kindergarten (first name). It wasn't until first grade that we even learned to print letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord! 18 months ahead of time. I had no idea it was THAT bad. Could you afford private school? Maybe find one w/ a bit less emphasis on testing (which is why the public school curriculum is so out of control). I just went to a Catholic school Open House and one of the things on their flyer was that they teach to the child, not the test. Many parents are fed up w/ the testing culture and how out of control it has gotten in public school. I used to teach and I always kept work samples from each month of the year for spelling, reading, writing, etc. In nearly every case, there was significant improvement from the beginning to the end of the year. Keep the progress in mind. Most of us didn't learn to read until 1st grade. As far as writing, I only learned to write my name in kindergarten (first name). It wasn't until first grade that we even learned to print letters.

OP here - I agree with you in some ways about the testing culture. They're giving the kids the PALS reading diagnostic 3 times over the year. DS improved substantially the second time (in the Fall, he scored extremely low) but still was put into supplemental tutoring once a week - it's free, and we're glad the school offers it. I agree that education has become unhinged from good child development practices. Still, there is differentiated learning in the classroom and we really like the specialty public school (a magnet school) that he attends. So, private isn't calling us, LOL.

I appreciate the perspective. I also know that people on this board often are dealing with far bigger issues, so I doubly appreciate the thoughtful responses I've gotten.

[Anonymous]

I'd see where he is in June, at the end of the school year, then maybe pursue some private tutoring in reading, and I would go ahead and try a private OT session (maybe even just for the summer) That's would I would add to his summer 'agenda'--a weekly reading tutor and OT---just to ensure his readiness for first grade when the work is even more challenging.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son sounds a lot like mine. He's very shy and freezes up in school. For the poster who recommended OT.... how might an OT help in this situation? Particularly if sensory issues aren't the culprit? I've contemplated OT for my own child but am not sure how it would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the responses thus far. Regarding OT, we took DS for an OT evaluation when he was 4 because his preschool teacher felt that he might have sensory integration issues. He tested completely normally and the therapist said she didn't see a need for OT. That's what's been sort of confounding. His preschool teachers were convinced he had various issues. On one speech evaluation he tested at the low end of normal, but he wasn't close to qualifying for services. We even did a course of speech therapy to work on things like letter-sound correspondence before K.

He has made progress since September. Maybe we should be focused on that. His teacher did say to me back in January that the work they're doing now normally would have been done at the end of first grade some years back - in other words, the kids aren't doing work that's merely a year ahead, but 18 months!

OP- When your son was tested for sensory issues, you said he tested normally. How does the OT know that a child is within the normal range? Just interested b/c my DS will be tested soon and I'd like to know how they test them and how they determine what is the normal range. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the responses thus far. Regarding OT, we took DS for an OT evaluation when he was 4 because his preschool teacher felt that he might have sensory integration issues. He tested completely normally and the therapist said she didn't see a need for OT. That's what's been sort of confounding. His preschool teachers were convinced he had various issues. On one speech evaluation he tested at the low end of normal, but he wasn't close to qualifying for services. We even did a course of speech therapy to work on things like letter-sound correspondence before K.

He has made progress since September. Maybe we should be focused on that. His teacher did say to me back in January that the work they're doing now normally would have been done at the end of first grade some years back - in other words, the kids aren't doing work that's merely a year ahead, but 18 months!

OP- When your son was tested for sensory issues, you said he tested normally. How does the OT know that a child is within the normal range? Just interested b/c my DS will be tested soon and I'd like to know how they test them and how they determine what is the normal range. Thanks.

They give you a questionnaire to assess various behaviors/skills and they run the child through a battery of activities - and come up with some type of score.

[Anonymous]

Your son sounds a LOT like ours. We knew ours had some issues before K started. He was getting private OT and his immature graps and poor writing would really impace his ability to learn so we took a wait and see approach. We had some concerns about his speech/language and when we learned the K's were going to be screened at school, I emailed the Speech Therapists and expressed our concerns. The result of their screening was that he was within normal range. Fast forward to November when our name came to the top of the private speech eval list. Before she'd even finished scoring his tests, the private ST told us to request special services from the school because of what she was seeing. Our son is very good at "fooling" people. He's got almost a 2 year speech/language delay but because he was good at reading people and compensating, it was overlooked. He's not disruputive, he's friendly and likes school - he doesn't cause any problems and didn't come to anyone's attention. In fact, after our meetings with the screening committee and their observations of him in the school, "nothing about him stands out". They declined to evaluate him until we provided them the results of our private speech therapist. It was only when standardized tests were administered (not parent reports) were his delays so shockingly apparent.

Like your son, he was on the low end of normal on lots of things. He really should have been operating at a much higher level. We got an appointment with a developmental pediatrician (Dr. Chuck Conlon) who was fantastic. We learned that our son has ADHD. He didn't score so high on the HD side but he did on the AD side. He's not just easily distracted, he also has problems getting information into his working memory. I understand that it's very common problem. When you combine his speech/language delays with his ADHD, it's no wonder he's not performing to his capability. We're working with an advocate now to get him qualified for special services. Working with the school has been extremely challening because he's just not a kid who "stands out". At least, he wouldn't until about 3rd grade when he starts failing.

I guess my point is, we suspected something was wrong. We ended up having a LOT of testing done privately to see what it was. With these kinds of issues, the testing may not tell you what the problem is, it tells you what ISN'T a problem. It's been a process of elimination for us. We always thought our son had good focus. But, turns out it was with things he was interested in. When he got to school and things were less about his interests and there were a lot more distractions, we saw there really was a problem. Our experience with the school is that unless the kid is failing, they're not interested in doing anything about it. Even the attention assessments his teachers filled out were different. One teacher saw what I was seeing, the other teacher - it was like she was reporting on a totally different kid.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son sounds a LOT like ours. We knew ours had some issues before K started. He was getting private OT and his immature graps and poor writing would really impace his ability to learn so we took a wait and see approach. We had some concerns about his speech/language and when we learned the K's were going to be screened at school, I emailed the Speech Therapists and expressed our concerns. The result of their screening was that he was within normal range. Fast forward to November when our name came to the top of the private speech eval list. Before she'd even finished scoring his tests, the private ST told us to request special services from the school because of what she was seeing. Our son is very good at "fooling" people. He's got almost a 2 year speech/language delay but because he was good at reading people and compensating, it was overlooked. He's not disruputive, he's friendly and likes school - he doesn't cause any problems and didn't come to anyone's attention. In fact, after our meetings with the screening committee and their observations of him in the school, "nothing about him stands out". They declined to evaluate him until we provided them the results of our private speech therapist. It was only when standardized tests were administered (not parent reports) were his delays so shockingly apparent.

Like your son, he was on the low end of normal on lots of things. He really should have been operating at a much higher level. We got an appointment with a developmental pediatrician (Dr. Chuck Conlon) who was fantastic. We learned that our son has ADHD. He didn't score so high on the HD side but he did on the AD side. He's not just easily distracted, he also has problems getting information into his working memory. I understand that it's very common problem. When you combine his speech/language delays with his ADHD, it's no wonder he's not performing to his capability. We're working with an advocate now to get him qualified for special services. Working with the school has been extremely challening because he's just not a kid who "stands out". At least, he wouldn't until about 3rd grade when he starts failing.

I guess my point is, we suspected something was wrong. We ended up having a LOT of testing done privately to see what it was. With these kinds of issues, the testing may not tell you what the problem is, it tells you what ISN'T a problem. It's been a process of elimination for us. We always thought our son had good focus. But, turns out it was with things he was interested in. When he got to school and things were less about his interests and there were a lot more distractions, we saw there really was a problem. Our experience with the school is that unless the kid is failing, they're not interested in doing anything about it. Even the attention assessments his teachers filled out were different. One teacher saw what I was seeing, the other teacher - it was like she was reporting on a totally different kid.

Good luck!

OP here - we've been considering educational testing with William Stixrud. Does anyone have experience with them or have other places they'd recommend for educational testing? Or should we be considering a developmental pediatrician? (we had gone to one a couple of years back but it was a waste of time - DS was cranky and not at all cooperative. They did say they could see he was very attached to us, and that was about it) We did have a meeting at DS's school and the teachers said they see a lot of anxiety in him - he just doesn't respond to questions. With peers at school, he's fine but when "put on the spot" with a question, he at best will give a one word answer. So, we're trying to figure how to deal with this and alsofigure out whether there are any underlying learning issues.