Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH didn’t want the dynamic of a SAHM being dependent on him and looked for someone who would significantly contribute to household finances. Importantly, he has always been willing to put in the work at home to help make that happen. I have never packed a school lunch or had to keep track of any bills. We both make a lot but I’m on track to surpass him in the next few years and then he wants to retire and be a full time SAHD lol.

This was my dream. But I married the wrong guy for it. He's kind, but on the spectrum and not one to be aware of anyone else's needs. Sounds like you've got a good setup!

This. Its not necessary for woman to gather and man to hunt, its 2022 so either of you can do what suits your family better.

[Anonymous]

I mean, when I was single, I didn't care about any potential boyfriend's career. If he seemed like he didn't have trouble with employment, I didn't care what he did or how much money he made. I can't imagine choosing a mate or friend or whatever based on their income. The absolute best people I know are absolutely not the highest earners I know. There's usually an inverse correlation there.

[Anonymous]

I only earn 69K, i cant support a family, i need someone who has no debt and decent income to pitch in. If I earned 500k, i wouldn't care either way.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone has different priorities. There are the high achievers whose self worth is based on their work & then there are those that are happy. 🤣

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter if one can support a spouse or not, times to a joint life are gone, joined life requires both to earn instead of one person earning outside and other holding the fort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

OK, I will bite. I think most men have a baseline standard on three things in a woman they want to marry: (1) physical attractiveness; (2) being caring and kind; (3) enthusiasm/frequency of sex. If a woman meets all three of those baseline requirements, they are marriage material. If any of those three are missing in a woman, they are not really marriage material. Things like intelligence, career, sense of humor, shared hobbies, are all nice bonuses for some men, but not core requirements.

I think the main exception to this is for religiously devout men who remain celibate before marriage. Then shared religious values are part of the baseline standard but sexual compatibility is just glossed over pre-marriage and can lead to a sexually incompatibility during the marriage.

Young, single women: take note. This PP has given you all the info you need about how most straight men actually are, not how we would like them to be.

[Anonymous]

Women will date a man who is less attractive than other men they could potentially date if that man has a great career. Usually those types of men have some swag that makes them somewhat attractive, but not always.

The opposite for men seeking women is not true.

Im proud of my wife’s career and she’s very successful, both with degrees more prestigious than I have and earning close to what I make. But if I hadn’t been attracted to her, her career wouldn’t have moved the needle for me to ask her out in the first place years ago.

[Anonymous]

Who cares what men think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

OK, I will bite. I think most men have a baseline standard on three things in a woman they want to marry: (1) physical attractiveness; (2) being caring and kind; (3) enthusiasm/frequency of sex. If a woman meets all three of those baseline requirements, they are marriage material. If any of those three are missing in a woman, they are not really marriage material. Things like intelligence, career, sense of humor, shared hobbies, are all nice bonuses for some men, but not core requirements.

I think the main exception to this is for religiously devout men who remain celibate before marriage. Then shared religious values are part of the baseline standard but sexual compatibility is just glossed over pre-marriage and can lead to a sexually incompatibility during the marriage.

Young, single women: take note. This PP has given you all the info you need about how most straight men actually are, not how we would like them to be.

Most men think like this, that might be true. But you don’t have to marry most men. My husband wanted intellectual compatibility and a life partner. To him that meant someone with drive, ambition, and brains. It didn’t have to equal having a career, but in practical terms if you take the group of women who have those traits and the group of women who have a serious career there’s an overlap between those two sets. I made clear that my career was important to me from the very beginning and that was not only not a dealbreaker but a plus in his eyes. Look for someone who appreciates you as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a teacher, which is a profession that is routinely scorned on this site, and my dh doesn’t seem to care. He out-earns me, but we connect on a deep level. We’re friends and we have so much fun together.

I honestly do not think my husband views my career as a high school teacher as something embarrassing or less-than, though. I love my job and spend a great deal of time at home planning lessons, reading, and grading. I have overheard my husband boasting about an award I received and how good I am at my job. I am intelligent and well-read, and able to discuss politics and culture, etc, and my husband sometimes asks me to look over writing he does for his own (much higher paying) job. I don’t think my husband’s colleagues view me as less-than, either. Or maybe their wives are posting about me online, but I don’t care.

Yes, I’m physically attractive, but our marriage wouldn’t have lasted for so long if that was all he cared about. No, I don’t think he would have preferred a woman with a high status job who didn’t care about her personal appearance. DH and I run 10ks and half marathons together, and he doesn’t have much respect for couch potatoes (neither do I).

So in my case, my dh doesn’t care that I have a lower status job and he does appreciate value my interest in taking care of my body.

PS- I went to Harvard. Some people with jobs you consider to be low-status are intelligent.

NP. I think a DH who valued education would be very happy to have an educator as a spouse. It would indicate that you would value your child's education, also. I think men, who have professional degrees or Masters, would look to marry someone who has a college education.

[Anonymous]

Lower class people tend to think that way. Otherwise most men are ok if their wives want to work, or stay home. Or as in many cases do both. I worked some but was mostly a SAHM. I would never marry a man that married me for my earning power, lol. I've had friends that can't stand their husbands because they won't allow them to quit their jobs. Yet they chose to marry them!
I'm very fortunate, but I also made good choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think everyone has different priorities. There are the high achievers whose self worth is based on their work & then there are those that are happy. 🤣

And there are those whose self esteem comes from within. Not other men or some 9-5 job, lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

OK, I will bite. I think most men have a baseline standard on three things in a woman they want to marry: (1) physical attractiveness; (2) being caring and kind; (3) enthusiasm/frequency of sex. If a woman meets all three of those baseline requirements, they are marriage material. If any of those three are missing in a woman, they are not really marriage material. Things like intelligence, career, sense of humor, shared hobbies, are all nice bonuses for some men, but not core requirements.

I think the main exception to this is for religiously devout men who remain celibate before marriage. Then shared religious values are part of the baseline standard but sexual compatibility is just glossed over pre-marriage and can lead to a sexually incompatibility during the marriage.

Young, single women: take note. This PP has given you all the info you need about how most straight men actually are, not how we would like them to be.

Young women take note: this is great girlfriend material. For a sizable group of men, it’s not enough to be marriage material. DH dated a string of pretty (more so than me), pleasant, sex positive women. Flight attendants, administrative assistants, nursing assistances, dental hygienist, store clerks, and hotel front desk workers. He had a great time with them, but none were marriage material. He met me (a mid-level attorney with a solid income) and we were engaged after a year and married a year later. I agree that the three character traits listed are a minimum. But they are just that: a minimum. So much more needed to be someone men want to build a life with, introduce to their colleagues, and spend Sunday morning chatting.

[Anonymous]

Depends on many factors. When my wife and I got married she worked full time and when we started a family she became a stay at home mother, ran the house and did some clerical type stuff to help me out in my business. This was what we both wanted, gave our children a great childhood. Now that kids are all HS age she has started working from home and still has the flexibility to be the mom she wants to be. To me it is being with someone that is passionate about whatever they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How true is it that men would rather marry a hot woman with no career of her own than marry an average woman with a career that matched his?