Have you been able to successfully opt out of dreaded annual family trip?

[Anonymous]

Each year we visit my FIL in his little town. The trip costs about 6,000 with airfare, hotels and condo rental as FIL cannot accommodate us in his home. We pay for FIL to visit us 2 times a year. The visit is mandatory and I understand that, but I honestly just don't want to go anymore. It's not fun, FIL would likely be relieved if I were out of the picture. I am curious if anyone here has successfully opted out on such trips.

[Anonymous]

Can you fly FIL up to your place a 3rd time instead?

Do you visit other family while at FILs?

Is he retired - does he have flexibility to come to you?

[Anonymous]

First, how does your significant other feel about you opting out?

Do you have young children? If so, I'd be a good sport. If you have older kids or no kids and your SO is okay with you taking a pass, then fine. No need to make an elaborate explanation/excuse to the FIL--short and sweet suffices.

BTW, do you really need to rent a condo? Wouldn't a hotel be less expensive?

[Anonymous]

Can you make it an every-other-year trip??

[Anonymous]

Your DH can go spend quality time w his father. Wo you. Depending on the age of the kids, they can stay or go. If he refuses then ask why. If he cant stand his father, why should you?

My DH hates his dad but is civil to him bc I want him to be. I arrange for him to visit us bc my DH wants nothing to do w FIL. I do it bc I want to. FIL lives nearby, so he visits for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all of the comments!

I have young kids- both under 8

FIL hates traveling to us, prefers to be in his house. He had a nervous breakdown when he got off at the wrong metro stop once and won't ever leave our house without us when he visits beyond a stroll around the neighborhood/bike ride.

Condo with 3BR is $150 a night. Hotel is one room for that price and no kitchen/W/D.

The trip has to be annual as a condition of morning away from FIL to be in DC near my parents.

I have visited FIL in his home approx 30 times over the years. I had a full blown panic attack on the flight out here as I just find the whole experience so depressing and difficult. He is a wonderful grandfather to the kids, and I don't want to deny them time with him. I just wish I could skip it.

[Anonymous]

Can you disappear for some alone time while you're visiting? Go see a movie, get a pedicure, or bring a book to a coffee shop. Kind of slip out for a while.

[Anonymous]

This is going to be harsh but Suck. It. Up. Your spouse moved to be in DC near your family and wants one week a year with his whole family (which includes you) where his Dad lives. Is that really too much to ask?

Life isn't always fun and sometimes we make sacrifices, including of time and money, because it matters to the ones we love.

Now my opinion of course depends a bit on your husband - if he doesn't mind going solo, or having you come just for a few days, then sure, do that. But unless there's a lot more you're not saying it reads as you just have other ways you'd rather spend that time and money, and if that's the case I stay with my suck it up opinion.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't hesitate to opt out. I opt out of all day trips to spend time with MIL. I plan Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 2 birthday celebrations. If my husband wants to see her more than that, he can plan the day and go see her.

[Anonymous]

I am an adult. Nothing like a trip to visit people is mandatory.

[Anonymous]

3 (I'm assuming week long) visits a year is a lot. Great if you can do it but if it's stressful to you...

Maybe cut down to two visits per year. He visits you once annually and with the other visit you alternate - one year you go to his house, one year he comes to your house.

[Anonymous]

I understand why this trip to visit your FIL is mandatory since your husband made the sacrifice in moving farther away from his dad so that you could live closer to your parents.

Also, your husband is considerate enough to not insist that you stay with your FIL like some spouses would. Being able to actually stay in a condo with privacy and room to move around is also very unselfish of your husband.

So, you probably need to suck it up and deal. Your FIL is aging and visiting him will probably continue to be "depressing, difficult and not fun." But you are in a much better position than most people because you get to stay in your own space during the visit and can relax there while allowing your husband and kids to spend more time with your FIL.

[Anonymous]

God... I wish. I'm going to see my in laws on Thursday and I am dreading it. This year we are going 2 times. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the feedback, I will continue to suck it up. I guess I just wanted to whine a bit, but I know that continuing with the status quo is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Good Luck, OP!