8 month old "kicked out" of home day care
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Anonymous
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Hi,
I am a first time mom and have been lucky enough to be with Baby full time for 8 months. Now I am consulting part time from home and since it is *impossible* to get any work done with Baby at home we looked hard for good part time child care. It seemed like we lucked out in finding a great in-home day care run by an older couple (retd. pediatric nurse AND vegetarian, no less). We started Baby out 3 days a week and for around 5 hours a day (though I am paying her for 8 hours each day). Well today was the 5th day that my daughter was over there and today the day care provider told me that my 8 month old was too clingy, that she cried too much, and that I need to find a full time nanny for her. Fact: We have not sleep trained (intentionally) and Baby needs 10 mins of rocking to sleep. We had thought we would work with the care provider to slowly ween her off this habit. I had disclosed it to the provider as well when we met her initially. Fact: Baby is DEEP into separation anxiety phase. One month ago she didnt care if I even existed as long as she got fed. This month I/hubby need to be in view at all times. If I could have put her in day care earlier I would have and maybe that would have eased her anxiety at being away from me now. But the opportunity to spend time with her was too good to pass up. I made sure that she spent time (like 10-12 hours at a stretch) with grandma, grandpa, uncle, family friends etc so that she was used to people other than hubby and I. Question: What just happened? Is it normal for 8 month olds to get kicked out of day care because they cry for mommy.....on the 5th day they are away from her? Or is it a case of just insanely bad parenting on our part so that our infant can not instantly adapt to any and all people and situations?! |
Anonymous
| I don't know if it's normal but what else can you do? It's not like forcing the daycare provider to take her back will result in any kind of good situation. |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's either. I think your baby just isn't a good fit for that daycAre. The needing to be rocked for 10 min before going to sleep (ok that you need to work on) plus being clingy and crying so much likely means most of their time is spent with your baby vs the other children in her care. It can also be exhausting to have a baby like that so I can understand if she's overwhelmed. A par time nanny may be the best bet for you guys right now to give your baby some time to grow, fix her sleep habits, and get more comfortable not being with you or dad. |
Anonymous
| Nah. This has nothing to do with bad parenting. 5 days is not much time for the baby to adjust. I recommend finding a nanny or a larger center that is better with dealing with these issues. I have heard that it is harder to start kids in daycare once they are a bit older because separation anxiety has become more of a problem. Good luck and don't beat yourself up about this! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be rocking the kid. Why did you let that habit develop? |
Anonymous
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meh, I'd say it's the daycare provider. My dd started daycare at 8 mos as well. We did something similar with partial days. She wouldn't take a bottle and cried. But my totally awesome home daycare provider was so loving and patient. Within a week, baby was fine.
I cried my eyes out when we left daycare provider 3 years later when dd got a spot in a full-day preschool. She was a gem. |
Anonymous
| Not bad parents go easy on yourself but you should appreciate that the provider told you it wasn't a fit. Some other provider might have let your child cry without soothing. Sounds like a nanny would be a better fit right now |
Anonymous
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As a nanny I'd be happy to handle all of those things - rocking to sleep while sleep training to wean off the habit, holding and comforting her during anxious times, and could cope with any crying. If I had other (paying) children to care for, though, I'd probably feel overwhelmed and like I couldn't give your daughter the attention she still clearly needs.
Consider it a good thing that your daycare provider was honest with you; the alternative would have been your daughter crying in a crib/stroller while the daycare provider tended to other children and their needs. Probably not what you want to picture while you're working! Hire a short-term, PT nanny (easy to find in the summer) to help your daughter reach the milestones she'll need to thrive in a daycare setting then try again in the fall. |
Anonymous
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I can't imagine putting my baby through that. This is why DH and I made sure one of us was going to be staying home with our kids as babies and toddlers.
You can't get this time back and you're likely the best person/people for them at that age. No salary can compare to that time. |
Anonymous
| I would think any experienced daycare provider would know that an 8 month old needs more time to adjust than a few days. Especially since baby has been home with mommy prior to daycare. I think throwing in the towel this early shows the providers impatience and inability to handle a little stress in the day. Unless baby cries all day non stop I think they should be able to work with you. That being said it's probably best she was honest enough to let you know she can't handle it - better than sticking baby in a crib in a room by itself while he/she wails. Maybe you could try leaving baby with someone you really trust for a few hours to get baby used to being around other people. A few hours with your mom or sibling maybe? Baby will cry and the first few weeks will be rough but you have to stick with it. Must be done at some point. |
Anonymous
Yet other people feel it is far, far more critical for a parent to be present during the tumultuous pre-teen and teen years as a sounding board, to offer sage advice, and so on. Also, just to point it out, your kids will remember that attention but will remember nothing of what you did for them as babies. Of course quality childcare is important, you want a caregiver who loves your child, but please don't derail this into some absurd guilt trip. Kids are always growing and always changing and you simply cannot be present for all of it. Period. That's okay! Your kids will still love you! |
Anonymous
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Nothing wrong with rocking a child. I did with both of mine and they have no sleep issues. They are now teenagers.
10 minutes of rocking a baby to sleep is not that much. I know daycare providers that would wear babies that were above average in clinging- or at least they did when my boys were babies. This is just a bad fit. I hope you can find a better fit. |
Anonymous
Agh I stayed at home with DS until he was off to school full time (Ie I was still home even when he was in part time school) but SHUT UP! You comment like this on every daycare thread and I'm honestly shocked that you cannot understand why not working isn't feasible for some parents. Maybe short term they could handle being a one income family but long term it wasn't possible. Maybe OP has the type of job where being out of the market for a couple of years means she'll never be able to break back in. Who knows! But seriously, just because 1 daycare didn't work out for her part time schedule hardly makes her a bad parent. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing not the "day care is evil" lady's kids. You know she guilt trips them and acts as a martyr every chance she gets. But she was home when they were little so it's ok!!! |
Anonymous
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Throwing in the towel after five days?
Be glad you're no longer working with this provider. This is a sign of incompetence or overwhelm on her part. She probably shouldn't be taking babies. |