giving up on sibling (or friend) relationship

[Anonymous]

I'm slowing coming to realize that my relationship with my sister will not be what it was or what I want it to be. We used to be very close, but in the past few years we have drifted apart. This makes me sad, but I cannot fix this (she is very difficult to talk to) and I need to accept it for what it is. Any advice on how to do this without feeling so sad? Sorry to be vague about the circumstances, but it's easier to be vague that to explain the past 40 years.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about your disappointment in the growing distance between you two. If she shares similar sadness you can work together to repair your relationship - if she's like "it's whatever" at the very least you'll be able to accept it knowing that she apparently has.

[Anonymous]

My sister was always difficult to deal and just try to make things work because of family .... Now, I don't see her for about a year, I text her wishing happy birthday or holidays or I saw a Christmas dinner and never alone... It's. Sad but I'm happier now she would criticize me for any and the worst bully me and make false campaign about me yes and create problems in my self esteem...i doubt myself maybe she is right .... My family said how can you do that we are family and now I said how can I do this to myself I deserve to be happy!!! Make a choice what is good for you and stop pleasing other people..

[Anonymous]

If you have tried for 40 years, doubtful there will be a change. Think about it --all the time you spend on this hopeless project could be used to make a solid real friend.

[Anonymous]

I gave up on my brother. Too much anger, too much drama, too much judgment, and way too much lying.

I feel sad that this is what it's come to, but for me, there isn't any other way. I cannot have a relationship with him. I wish I had a kind, honest brother, but that person simply does not exist. While I do have some lingering sadness, it pales to the relief I feel from no longer exposing myself to his toxicity. OP, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first over people that are harmful - even if they're family.

[Anonymous]

My suggestion is to change your way of looking at it. Rather than writing off your relationship, try to change the way you view it. Set appropriate boundaries that you can live with. Unless she is actively engaging in behavior directed at you or that interferes with your ability to live your life, just accept that she isn't the type of sister/friend you can count on. Find others to fulfill that role. Stay in touch with her, send her cards, and leave it at that. No need to write her off.

[Anonymous]

Since she is difficult to talk to, I am guessing having a heart-to-heart talk w/her is not an option at this point.

You do not necessarily have to completely cut her out of your life OP. You just don't have to see + talk to her quite as much as you used to, that is all.

I wouldn't recommend completely cutting her out of your life. After all, she is your sister and will be your sister for the rest of your life.

I do not get along w/my sister for various reasons myself. There are many characteristics that she possesses that are hard for me to deal w/and we certainly have our issues.

However, I know that she is my sister and that she is the only sister I will ever have. I consider my best friend my "true" sister, but I still will never fully cut off my real sister unless she does something truly unforgivable to me.

I just minimize any contact I have w/her. In other words, she is okay in very small doses.

[Anonymous]

If you're really just drifted apart the last few years, it may just be a lull. "Give up" seems a bit dramatic, I'd think about it as accepting her for what she is. You may both change where you are in life again in a few years and get close again. I have a few siblings and it ebbs and flows how close we are.

[Anonymous]

My sister was always a drama queen but never toward me. That is until I had my own family and she started butting in to our business. Then I really started to see who she really was and how much of a drain she was on our entire family. One by one she'd find that person to have a problem with and would always make functions very uncomfortable.

So now I keep my space and only talk to her a few times a year.

It sucks...but it comes down to your siblings are humans too. So there will some ones you like....and some you don't. If she wasn't family, I would never speak to her.