online dating - question for men: do you want to be persued?

[Anonymous]

I signed up for an online dating site, saw a guy I was interested in and asked him out. We have since had three dates (he asked me out the second date). We are going out this weekend - I invited him to a concert. Now I am wondering: Do guys like to be pursued or do they like pursuing? Perhaps after this date I should wait and let him ask me out. Just wondering as it has been a long time since I have dated and I don't want to come off as desperate.

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl, and a lesbian to boot, but when I thought I was straight and dated guys, and not with women. If by the 4th date the other person, regardless of sex, doesn't do some initiating...they just aren't that interested.

Most people like to be pursued, but if they don't pursue back a bit, then they are just enjoying being pursued. So they stick around to have their ego stroked. It should be a two way street by now.

[Anonymous]

A healthy back and forth in the early dates. I think you should let him make the next invite.

[Anonymous]

How long are you waiting before asking him out again? A few days? A week?

[Anonymous]

online - yes. the message rate from girls to guys is abysmal plus i don't want to waste time doing all the messaging.

online dating is very boring and inefficient - sitting, reading siimilar profiles, seeing the same kind of pictures, writing a message to hundreds of women. yawn.

[Rbellini]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a girl, and a lesbian to boot, but when I thought I was straight and dated guys, and not with women. If by the 4th date the other person, regardless of sex, doesn't do some initiating...they just aren't that interested.

Most people like to be pursued, but if they don't pursue back a bit, then they are just enjoying being pursued. So they stick around to have their ego stroked. It should be a two way street by now.

Nice to hear from someone that ran on both sides. Quality post right there!

Its understood that the men should pursue and yada yada blah blah. But we are all human and the sense of need and each should give and take a bit as you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a girl, and a lesbian to boot, but when I thought I was straight and dated guys, and not with women. If by the 4th date the other person, regardless of sex, doesn't do some initiating...they just aren't that interested.

Most people like to be pursued, but if they don't pursue back a bit, then they are just enjoying being pursued. So they stick around to have their ego stroked. It should be a two way street by now.

Excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Just my experience initiating online- I found that the guys I emailed and pursued didn't write me back- maybe I'm not a good picker . The ones the pursued and wrote me were very interested.....so I stopped initiating. However, if you've been out with someone you like, I see no harm in letting him know you would like to go out again.

[Anonymous]

As a man, I can tell you it is nice to be pursued initially online. You wouldn't believe how many women will just straight up ignore you when you send them a message and you are considered a good "match" by the algorithm these sites use. So it is nice when they send the first message. It shows that this woman knows what she wants, is willing to go after it, and isn't online dating to see how many messages she gets to boost her ego.

While dating, I agree that it should be a good balance between both parties on who initiates the next date. If I'm the one that keeps asking, eventually I'll just stop.

My last GF came on to me strong and I really liked it. At first I was a bit intimidated by her so when she started coming on to me, it made it a lot easier. I eventually balanced things out.

Tip for the guys online dating. Put something in your profile like: "Do the women ever send the first message on these sites?". You'll be surprised at how your ratio of who sends the first message changes.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy and when I was online dating, I did the vast majority of the pursuing, but I was pursued a few times and it was great. It was very nice to have even just a wink as an indication that someone found me/my profile attractive. One pretty long relationship came out of one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A healthy back and forth in the early dates. I think you should let him make the next invite.

I agree with this advice.

Don't always be the one sticking your neck out because you will look like too available and no one, man or woman, likes a person who is too available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just my experience initiating online- I found that the guys I emailed and pursued didn't write me back- maybe I'm not a good picker . The ones the pursued and wrote me were very interested.....so I stopped initiating. However, if you've been out with someone you like, I see no harm in letting him know you would like to go out again.

This.

Maybe I too had bad luck, but all the people I ended up actually meeting offline were men who had initiated contact first. I eventually also stopped initiating contact unless it was someone who appeared to have a REALLY good profile (nothing to lose), but I didn't usually hear back from them.

I pretty much followed the "men are from mars, women are from venus" approach and highly recommend it. I had success the first time i tried it...been with dh 3.5 years and married for just over 1. I let him pursue all the way even after meeting in person but was sure to still let him know I was interested at the same time along the way.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. The book is called "mars and venus on a date".