Yes. Your Kid is overscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have found that with my kid's peers this varies WILDLY. Some kids are in every single activity, it's nuts. We usually do just 1-2 at a time, and that seems to suit my kids just fine. We have lots of time for playdates, and host them or go to them frequently.

So if the kids you are trying to hang with is too busy, just look a little harder for this less scheduled kids. They are there too, I promise!

My kids are busy and their friends are busy. We try to sign up for the same activity. My daughter is in Girl Scouts and dance with her good friend(s). We got to know some families during soccer. My son plays basketball with his friends.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't even get OPs beef. She said kids need to be bored but also her kid has no one to play with. So, kid is probably bored. Isn't this what OP wanted?

No, ops can probably can entertain themselves and handle boredom, but it's always better and more fun for kids to have other kids around.

Great things happen when bored teenagers get together.

Once again, not all teenagers do thos things. They ate capable of just being kids and have fun. I'm sorry for kids who aren't.

Are you sorry for the ones sitting at home bored who start chatting with strangers on Discord? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1192713.page

Sitting around chatting with strangers on discord I'd not a great idea or something that I'd allow.

How about Roblox? The linked article describes how perpetrators have groomed kids as young as 8 years old whom they met in Roblox chatrooms. https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

These online games make me nervous. So far my kids haven't asked and don't have an interest. Not sure how I'd handle if they did.

Now imagine your kid is in middle school enjoying free time at the playground with other kids whose phones have full access to discord or snap or Roblox. Now your permission is not needed because it’s not your phone.

MS is too old for playgrounds.

No they're not, unless it's a little kiddie one for like toddlers or something

Yes it is. 13 year olds aren't hanging out at the local playground. You live in some kind of fantasyland.

No, I don't live in a fantasy world. I know what my friends and I did. Also I think it's funny that a 13 year is somehow too old for kid stuff, but it's totally fine for them to have free access to the internet and social media. Them adults will complain that they're acting too old and growing up to fast.

You may give your kids free access to internet and social media, but many of us don't. Mine didn't have social media till 14 and it's heavily monitored. And, most 13 year olds don't want to hang out at the playground and only do it as they aren't welcome in their home or they are really bored. That is for elementary school.

I don't give free internet access at all. I guess 13 year are far different than I was

Maybe that's it. You are a sample size of one former 13 year old, of a different generation. Time has moved on and so should you.

So as an extremely young teen, 13 you only did organized activities. You never went outside with friends just for fun? You didn't ride bikes or play basketball? No night games, like capture the flag?

No, the opposite. My mom was too lazy and sat around smoking watching tv or gossiping with her friends not caring what I was doing at 13. Likely just riding my bike to my friends houses so we could do nothing together. I want better for my kids.

There were plenty of parents back then that didn’t initiate anything. The motivated kids were at the basketball court every day or skating and ice hockey where there was cold weather. The local fields had baseball diamonds where you could go with a few kids and practice.

I know growing up this is what everyone did until they joined school sports. And I know former pros in football, hockey and lacrosse.

So stop blaming your parents when it was you who didn’t have the drive to do it.

Your privilege is showing. Some of us weren’t in nice neighborhoods with ice rinks, baseball diamonds or basketball courts. I mean come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Quiet relaxation often means screens for kids.

I have a friend who values family time and weekend relaxation. Her husband likes to hang out at home with kids. Their kids have more screen time than the kids who are doing activities. The dad doesn’t want to drive kids around. He prefers family time.

They usually do an outing to eat or see cherry blossoms or whatever. Then they relax at home mostly on screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

Being in activities and not available to entertain your kids is not over scheduled. Your kids are under scheduled.

To me this is the issue with this entire thread - parents making a judgment about other parents that just because the kids are in sports or organized activities, they are over scheduled and never have free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

Being in activities and not available to entertain your kids is not over scheduled. Your kids are under scheduled.

To me this is the issue with this entire thread - parents making a judgment about other parents that just because the kids are in sports or organized activities, they are over scheduled and never have free time.

My kids are busy but we prioritize socialization. I’m a SAHM though and we don’t need the entire weekend for family time. Everyday is family time for me and Dh is more than glad to have a few hours to himself.

We are a super busy family with 3 kids in sports and activities. For a good friend, I’m always the first one to RSVP yes. If play date time doesn’t work, I throw out 2-3 other times and we can usually find a time for both families. Both sides have to make the effort. There are kids my kids are lukewarm about.

There was a girl in kindergarten I once asked for a play date. The mom straight up said weekdays are not good for them because kid was busy. The kid played a sport, an instrument and something else. The kid also had 2 siblings who had equal or more activities and both parents worked. Another parent also told me weekdays are not good for them as both parents work late. I never reached out again and they haven’t either. My kid isn’t especially close to either of these girls.

Then there are other girls who she has done many play dates with. Their moms also work and they play sports, do dance, gymnastics, instruments, etc but we can find a 2-3 hour time slot in both our schedules to get kids to get together.

Being busy is just code for I don’t want to hang out with you.

My very busy boys have sports almost daily and still find time to hang out with their friends multiple times per week.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. The very big difference about older kids is that only the kids need to get along. Everything is drop off and parents are not involved anymore. From about 8-9, my boys would make plans.

In preschool and kindergarten, it is as much for parents as kids and if moms don’t get along, that play date isn’t happening. Early elementary is challenging since parents may not feel comfortable dropping off and they don’t want to give up that one Saturday afternoon to OP with one child when they can meet a good friend or go to Costco. They would rather go to Costco or stay home and relax so they say they are busy.

[Anonymous]

OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't even get OPs beef. She said kids need to be bored but also her kid has no one to play with. So, kid is probably bored. Isn't this what OP wanted?

No, ops can probably can entertain themselves and handle boredom, but it's always better and more fun for kids to have other kids around.

Great things happen when bored teenagers get together.

Once again, not all teenagers do thos things. They ate capable of just being kids and have fun. I'm sorry for kids who aren't.

Are you sorry for the ones sitting at home bored who start chatting with strangers on Discord? https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1192713.page

Sitting around chatting with strangers on discord I'd not a great idea or something that I'd allow.

How about Roblox? The linked article describes how perpetrators have groomed kids as young as 8 years old whom they met in Roblox chatrooms. https://wapo.st/4cb7bi9

These online games make me nervous. So far my kids haven't asked and don't have an interest. Not sure how I'd handle if they did.

Now imagine your kid is in middle school enjoying free time at the playground with other kids whose phones have full access to discord or snap or Roblox. Now your permission is not needed because it’s not your phone.

MS is too old for playgrounds.

No they're not, unless it's a little kiddie one for like toddlers or something

Yes it is. 13 year olds aren't hanging out at the local playground. You live in some kind of fantasyland.

No, I don't live in a fantasy world. I know what my friends and I did. Also I think it's funny that a 13 year is somehow too old for kid stuff, but it's totally fine for them to have free access to the internet and social media. Them adults will complain that they're acting too old and growing up to fast.

You may give your kids free access to internet and social media, but many of us don't. Mine didn't have social media till 14 and it's heavily monitored. And, most 13 year olds don't want to hang out at the playground and only do it as they aren't welcome in their home or they are really bored. That is for elementary school.

I don't give free internet access at all. I guess 13 year are far different than I was

Maybe that's it. You are a sample size of one former 13 year old, of a different generation. Time has moved on and so should you.

So as an extremely young teen, 13 you only did organized activities. You never went outside with friends just for fun? You didn't ride bikes or play basketball? No night games, like capture the flag?

No, the opposite. My mom was too lazy and sat around smoking watching tv or gossiping with her friends not caring what I was doing at 13. Likely just riding my bike to my friends houses so we could do nothing together. I want better for my kids.

There were plenty of parents back then that didn’t initiate anything. The motivated kids were at the basketball court every day or skating and ice hockey where there was cold weather. The local fields had baseball diamonds where you could go with a few kids and practice.

I know growing up this is what everyone did until they joined school sports. And I know former pros in football, hockey and lacrosse.

So stop blaming your parents when it was you who didn’t have the drive to do it.

Your privilege is showing. Some of us weren’t in nice neighborhoods with ice rinks, baseball diamonds or basketball courts. I mean come on.

We make it work by never living somewhere where you would live. We have a 1000 square foot house in a less desirable area. You spend your money on trips, housing and other things and we choose activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

Being in activities and not available to entertain your kids is not over scheduled. Your kids are under scheduled.

To me this is the issue with this entire thread - parents making a judgment about other parents that just because the kids are in sports or organized activities, they are over scheduled and never have free time.

They are trying to justify their choices. They know it’s healthy for kids to be in activities but they are about them, not their kids so this is how they rationalize it. My parents made all kinds of excuses when we asked to do stuff. I will always find the time for mine. They are they priority in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, overscheduling isn't about telling the kid no. It is about polishing the parent's ego.

Look at me, my kid is doing more than yours. Or the parent doesn't know how to have a relationship with their own child, and so it's easier to keep the kid occupied so the parent can hand the kid off to someone else.

That is bottom line what it is about for these "overscheduling" parents. It isn't about the kid at all, it is all about whatever is going on with the parent underneath the surface.

Is this how you rationalize doing very little. I would not choose the activities mine are in. It’s 100% them and if they had time they’d do more. I have very strong relationships and they know they always come first.

Not encouraging your kids interests is the ultimate bad parenting. There are lots of low cost programs or one with scholarships now so money is an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. The very big difference about older kids is that only the kids need to get along. Everything is drop off and parents are not involved anymore. From about 8-9, my boys would make plans.

In preschool and kindergarten, it is as much for parents as kids and if moms don’t get along, that play date isn’t happening. Early elementary is challenging since parents may not feel comfortable dropping off and they don’t want to give up that one Saturday afternoon to OP with one child when they can meet a good friend or go to Costco. They would rather go to Costco or stay home and relax so they say they are busy.

There as no way my 8-9 year old made plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. The very big difference about older kids is that only the kids need to get along. Everything is drop off and parents are not involved anymore. From about 8-9, my boys would make plans.

In preschool and kindergarten, it is as much for parents as kids and if moms don’t get along, that play date isn’t happening. Early elementary is challenging since parents may not feel comfortable dropping off and they don’t want to give up that one Saturday afternoon to OP with one child when they can meet a good friend or go to Costco. They would rather go to Costco or stay home and relax so they say they are busy.

There as no way my 8-9 year old made plans.

Making plans equates to 2-3 boys begging parents at school pick up if Johnny and Bobby can come over. Or if we say we have soccer, DS asking if Bobby can come over after soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you OP. So hard for kids to have spontaneous play dates on weekends bc kids as young as 5 are so over scheduled! Like hello please stop freaking out about your kids resume and start letting them have a childhood

5 yr olds aren’t over scheduled their parents just don’t want to deal with you.

+1. A 5 year old doesn’t need a spontaneous play date. They don’t need to be in an activity either. Weekends are for quiet relaxation. I turn things down because I just want to be with my own family.

Hilarious... quiet relaxation with 5 and 3 year old boys. Not happening unless they're on screens for hours which is way worse than playing Tball outside or whatever else

Or, parents just ignore kids who run wild.

[Anonymous]

Buttt why