Holidays with out of state families and ILs
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I'm just curious how other families out there deal with holidays when your parents and spouse's parents live out of state. Some background: DH's and my parents both live far away and we have (for better or worse, set the precedent of spending EVERY holiday together, usually with his family.) We now have 3 kids 6 and under and I'm over both traveling and entertaining for holidays. I dream of having just the five of us, in our house, celebrating and making our own traditions. Am I being selfish? Thanks for your responses. |
Anonymous
| Not selfish at all to cut back a little. We did plenty of years of home on Christmas Day and traveling after or Christmas at thanksgiving for one side of the family. |
Anonymous
| You are way past due for creating your own holiday traditions. DH's family is local but mine is out of state. We stopped traveling on the holidays after we had our first kid. Just too much of a hassle and my family totally understood. Now, they either come visit us or we have the holiday whenever we're together. Or, we just call on the holiday and exchange greetings. You need to stop the madness. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
From day 1 when we married we set up a plan for "big" holidays - Thanksgiving with my family (away), Easter with his family (local) and Christmas at home. I don't care who comes to see us that day, but Santa only comes here and we are waking up in our own beds! 
|
Anonymous
We did the same. No holiday traveling, and we get together with long distance family another time. |
Anonymous
| We split Christmas between my family in the south and DH's family in the Midwest. Thanksgiving with my family since they're closer. Although holidays at our home is a lovely idea my mother can't travel, and it doesn't make sense to expect all the various family members who want to be with grandmas/grandpas to come to us. Above all else, I don't want my kids to think that grandparents aren't an important part of celebrating family oriented holidays. There's admittedly a little self-interest there. |
Anonymous
|
Our families are in Europe. Once a year, either we visit them or they visit us. If we travel, we divide our time between ILs and parents. Just say that from now on, X, Y and Z holidays will be spent at your home. If they cannot understand this, too bad for them! |
Anonymous
|
We have 3 out of state families as my parents are divorced/remarried. Every Christmas with my mom's family, as I have the only living grand parent and she can't travel. Thanksgivings alternate between DH's family and my dad/step mom (FL). On years we don't spend with those families, we have an early Christmas with my ILs or an early thanksgiving with my dad. Extended families, like DH's Dad's siblings and my Dad's siblings, get summer trips. It is a huge pain to have families all spread out but no one really has the energy or time to plan a reunion. We are in the best financial position to be able to travel so we are generally the ones making the trips.
One day we will have a big house with extra bedrooms and make everyone come to us!! |
Anonymous
|
... are not holidays at all but are stress machines.
Start your own traditions at home. Every family eventually takes over and branches out into its own traditions. It can be awkward at first, but will then seem natural. You can't stay the adult child when your children need to be the focus. |
Anonymous
In our family, instead of travelling on the holidays, we gather together for our "matriarch's" birthday. My grandmother will be 104 in June and her birthday has become quite the gathering. |
Anonymous
| I so dread the holidays after years of this that I decided the risk of displeasing others was not worth it and stayed home last year. |
Anonymous
| We alternate holidays. We visit my in-laws every Thanksgiving and every other Christmas, and my parents every summer and every other Christmas. It's a pain to travel, but it's important to see my family. My mom and I are pushing the others towards doing family vacations at the holidays at a third location--like renting a giant house and all getting together that way. |
Anonymous
|
I don't travel for Thanksgiving, especially now that we have kids. We invite my ILs every year, if they want to come they can, if not, I've done my duty inviting them to a major holiday.
We used to alternate Christmases and Thanksgivings. Then one year we couldn't travel at Christmas for a reason I've now long forgotten and we invited my ILs since it was their "turn" for Christmas. It was such a horrifying experience on a holiday that I love and I refuse to ever do Christmas with them again. We've gone to my parents' house the last 2 years, and as much as I like that, I think we are going to do Christmas at home this year and let the kids have the first Christmas they'll be able to remember at home (haven't been at home since the first kid was an infant). |
Anonymous
|
Thanksgiving and Christmas without family doesn't feel right to me. And it is one of the few opportunities DC has to see cousins.
Thanksgiving is spent with my in-laws. Location varies, but always with them. One of the best was when we rented a big beach house for the 10 of us (and all the dogs). That relieved some of the pressure of one family doing all the cleaning, prep and cooking. And it was big enough for all of us to be together, which isn't the case for our own homes. Christmas is with my parents, and sometimes my brother's family. He usually alternates holidays. If we are at my parents, we all fit under one roof. And having my parents with us isn't stressful for me, at least once the house is clean. |