What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

Wow.

Why would you live here if you don't like or trust any "American" families or American cultural traditions?

My parents were like this and I guess I can explain it to you as an observer. In a lot of countries/cultures, you don’t befriend everyone. You befriend people who are your caste, from your region, your religion, your socioeconomic level, etc. These aren’t laws set in stone, it’s just the way things are. So when people come to America they naturally gravitate to their own “kind.”

My parents are not going to socialize with “Americans” just like they are not going to socialize with someone from their own country who is on a different social strata. It’s not personal. They simply decline to navigate social differences if they don’t have to.

I don’t know why so many of you are offended by this. People who immigrate go through enough crap, they don’t have to force themselves to befriend you. Their children will assimilate because they grow up in this culture.

And this is my personal experience, Americans tend to be very stingy and guarded. They lack the warmth and generosity you experience in my parents’ culture. Look at this forum for myriad examples. It’s a lot less complicated to make friends in other cultures.

I think your viewpoint here is more a function of your personality and people not liking you than it is of American culture.

--another immigrant

I find your comment about Americans being stingy and guarded. I am the minority in my neighborhood and I'm shocked by how little my neighbors help one another.

I have no idea why people say Americans are guarded or stingy It would really depend entirely on what culture you are from. Plenty of cultures (like my own) are MUCH more guarded. I think Americans are usually nice, open and curious people who are also more used with living with diverse people. Where I'm from you can have moved 20 years ago, from the next town over, and still not be seen as a local. And forget it if you are from another country. The US is also one of the most charitable countries so stingy makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

Because in pushing so hard you are actually taking away their childhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

By what metrics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

I want them to be happy and have good mental health. Everyone I’ve known who was pushed, myself included, ended up with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, etc.

They know mom isn’t going to support them once they’re adults; I’ll help them figure it out, but they will need to support themselves. I just don’t care how they do it. People are too narrow minded and think academics are the only way to be successful, when I know people from all walks of life who are wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

+1

What’s your point, exactly? If I can maintain my culture while allowing my family to benefit from the resources of the United States, why shouldn’t I?

To add to this, no foreigner ever wonders “why” Americans don’t like them. That’s not actually a question. Everyone already knows the “why.”

Actually, I think any American who dislikes immigrants is reacting to the exact sentiment expressed by the PP. It is pretty entitled to say that you want to come here to "benefit from the resources of the United States" without assimilating. You are defying the entire point of the United States and giving the big middle finger to its citizens. We can do fine without you.

It’s not even about the not assimilating. That’s a little bit annoying, but whatever. The problem is the immigrants who are actively disdainful of Americans and their culture and talk about how they don’t want to raise their kids with American values. Who wants that in their community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

DP but in my family experience the ones who went to college didn’t get anything out of it. We aren’t wealthy and my family spent a lot of money for these degrees.
Myself: degree in biochemistry, now work part time doing low level science
Husband: degree, has paper pusher job
Sister: degree, married well, doesn’t work
Female Cousin: degree, married well, doesn’t work
Male cousins: no degree, make more than the rest of us combined doing manual labor/trades
So I know what my sons should aim for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

+1

What’s your point, exactly? If I can maintain my culture while allowing my family to benefit from the resources of the United States, why shouldn’t I?

To add to this, no foreigner ever wonders “why” Americans don’t like them. That’s not actually a question. Everyone already knows the “why.”

Actually, I think any American who dislikes immigrants is reacting to the exact sentiment expressed by the PP. It is pretty entitled to say that you want to come here to "benefit from the resources of the United States" without assimilating. You are defying the entire point of the United States and giving the big middle finger to its citizens. We can do fine without you.

It’s not even about the not assimilating. That’s a little bit annoying, but whatever. The problem is the immigrants who are actively disdainful of Americans and their culture and talk about how they don’t want to raise their kids with American values. Who wants that in their community?

Why do you think we SHOULD do everything that Americans do if we know better and if we feel it's not good for our kids? We didn't come here to blindly worship America. Maybe you could learn something from us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

+1

[b]What’s your point, exactly? If I can maintain my culture while allowing my family to benefit from the resources of the United States, why shouldn’t I?

To add to this, no foreigner ever wonders “why” Americans don’t like them. That’s not actually a question. Everyone already knows the “why.”

Actually, I think any American who dislikes immigrants is reacting to the exact sentiment expressed by the PP. It is pretty entitled to say that you want to come here to "benefit from the resources of the United States" without assimilating. You are defying the entire point of the United States and giving the big middle finger to its citizens. We can do fine without you.

It’s not even about the not assimilating. That’s a little bit annoying, but whatever. The problem is the immigrants who are actively disdainful of Americans and their culture and talk about how they don’t want to raise their kids with American values. Who wants that in their community?

Why do you think we SHOULD do everything that Americans do if we know better and if we feel it's not good for our kids? We didn't come here to blindly worship America. Maybe you could learn something from us?

Maybe you could learn that people can have different ideas about raising their children and that you aren’t better just because you have different ideas. Your attitude is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

+1

[b]What’s your point, exactly? If I can maintain my culture while allowing my family to benefit from the resources of the United States, why shouldn’t I?

To add to this, no foreigner ever wonders “why” Americans don’t like them. That’s not actually a question. Everyone already knows the “why.”

Actually, I think any American who dislikes immigrants is reacting to the exact sentiment expressed by the PP. It is pretty entitled to say that you want to come here to "benefit from the resources of the United States" without assimilating. You are defying the entire point of the United States and giving the big middle finger to its citizens. We can do fine without you.

It’s not even about the not assimilating. That’s a little bit annoying, but whatever. The problem is the immigrants who are actively disdainful of Americans and their culture and talk about how they don’t want to raise their kids with American values. Who wants that in their community?

Why do you think we SHOULD do everything that Americans do if we know better and if we feel it's not good for our kids? We didn't come here to blindly worship America. Maybe you could learn something from us?

Maybe you could learn that people can have different ideas about raising their children and that you aren’t better just because you have different ideas. Your attitude is the problem.

Uhm, how is that any different from what I said? Did you not get the comment at all?????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

+1

[b]What’s your point, exactly? If I can maintain my culture while allowing my family to benefit from the resources of the United States, why shouldn’t I?

To add to this, no foreigner ever wonders “why” Americans don’t like them. That’s not actually a question. Everyone already knows the “why.”

Actually, I think any American who dislikes immigrants is reacting to the exact sentiment expressed by the PP. It is pretty entitled to say that you want to come here to "benefit from the resources of the United States" without assimilating. You are defying the entire point of the United States and giving the big middle finger to its citizens. We can do fine without you.

It’s not even about the not assimilating. That’s a little bit annoying, but whatever. The problem is the immigrants who are actively disdainful of Americans and their culture and talk about how they don’t want to raise their kids with American values. Who wants that in their community?

Why do you think we SHOULD do everything that Americans do if we know better and if we feel it's not good for our kids? We didn't come here to blindly worship America. Maybe you could learn something from us?

Maybe you could learn that people can have different ideas about raising their children and that you aren’t better just because you have different ideas. Your attitude is the problem.

Meh! No White colonizers and imperialist power had the right to question other cultures. I do not think that immigrants need to "assimilate" culturally in the White US at all. If I want to respect this land, then I need to pay rent to the Native American tribes whose lands I am living on. No need to copy failed social and familial systems of the majority culture. They are failing massively in the entire world now.

Yes, everyone needs to learn English. But, I feel they also need to learn - Spanish. And everyone (all who are on this land) should follow all the legal rules and laws of the land. More than that? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t push my kids to succeed academically. I don’t care if they do extracurriculars. Don’t care if they go to college or not. Most of our evenings and weekends are just spent chilling at home.

Same!!! I find it absurd, honestly.

Why have kids if you don't want them to do well in life and be successful?

Well..
- Why have kids if you don't breastfeed them?
- Why have kids if you let them sleep alone in their nursery while mom and dad are in the same room?
- Why have kids if you divorce and get married to some other random person?
- Why have kids if you send them to daycare or let nannies raise them?
- Why have kids when you throw them out of the house at 16?
- Why have kids when you hate being a parent and it would have been better for everyone if your female partner would have just swallowed?