MIL/Mom problem

[Anonymous]

My MIL keeps inviting my parents to holidays. My Mom isn't a fan of MIL and keeps declining. This puts me in a rather awkward position since MIL doesn't understand why my Mom keeps saying no. I really don't enjoy hanging out with both of them at the same time though anyway because they both get weirdly competitive, especially when my kids are around. It's stressful. How should I handle this situation? Do I just ignore it? Do I say something to MIL? Do I try and make my Mom go?

[Anonymous]

"They have their own holiday traditions and we'd rather rotate holidays so that Larla can see holiday traditions with both families."

[Anonymous]

It's on your mom -- let her explain. And actually would it hurt your mom to be nice once or twice? If not, then let her explain that she does not want to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"They have their own holiday traditions and we'd rather rotate holidays so that Larla can see holiday traditions with both families."

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad my in-laws moved to another state for this very reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's on your mom -- let her explain. And actually would it hurt your mom to be nice once or twice? If not, then let her explain that she does not want to hang out.

Agree with this.

I think your mom should try and visit at least once. If she really doesn't want to, let your mom explain herself and stop passing the buck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"They have their own holiday traditions and we'd rather rotate holidays so that Larla can see holiday traditions with both families."

Throw in an "Oh, it's so kind of you to invite them, but" in front of that, and you're good to go.

[Anonymous]

I would try to stay out of it if at all possible. Let your MIL keep extending invitations until she gets the hint. If you're the one delivering the hint that your mom's not really interested, then you might get some of the blowback. I'd just let them sort it out. Finding your child's ILs annoying is part of life, lots of people manage without too much drama.

[Anonymous]

No advice, just commiseration. My mom keeps saying "well I just wish / hope / would think that Sue (my MIL) would invite us for a holiday/vacation"

Ummm - all the beds in Sue's house are full with her kids and their partners. Sue's own siblings aren't invited!

My mom does not really understand that my in laws are polite and don't dislike my parents, but just aren't interested and have nothing in common. Plus I hate how weirdly competitive my mom gets while simultaneously feeling intimidated by my in-laws wealth and life style. Ugh! They are not buying my love. We split holidays 50/50. Just because MIL has 3 kids and my mom has 1 - does not mean MIL should see her son less because "she has other kids and is never alone on a holiday".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"They have their own holiday traditions and we'd rather rotate holidays so that Larla can see holiday traditions with both families."

I like this.

[Anonymous]

I force my mom to go to my inlaws for Christmas. She is widowed and we aren't Christian so there is no reason not to go. Beyond that, my mom may invite them once a year to dinner or lunch and that is it.

[Anonymous]

Has your mother ever accepted a single invitation? If not, your mother is just plain rude. She can go once. That's called being an adult.

[Anonymous]

IL's can always invite extended family occasionally, not a tradition and mention that due to space, unfortunately they don't have room, but offer the name of a good hotel.

This would be nice. I would encourage this if one set desires it. The other set should step-up and make it a nice event.

Again, rarely-maybe every few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your mother ever accepted a single invitation? If not, your mother is just plain rude. She can go once. That's called being an adult.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your mother ever accepted a single invitation? If not, your mother is just plain rude. She can go once. That's called being an adult.

+1

+2

and tell your mom to stop putting you in the middle.