If your child did this, what would the consequence be?

[Anonymous]

My daughter will be five in May. She has a hot temper and while she's made tremendous strides she still has the occasional bad day. Today at preschool pick up her teacher said my daughter punched another girl in the face - I was horrified, especially since her behavior has been so good lately and this is such a big, physical thing to have done.

We're going to apologize to her classmate and her mother at school tomorrow, and I had my daughter tell her dad what she did. I'd bought the movie Frozen today (ironically as a treat for good behavior) and my daughter was very sad when I told her we wouldn't be opening it today because of what happened at school.

Is that enough of a punishment? What would happen in your house? Really feeling like a crappy mom this afternoon - she knows better than this.

[Anonymous]

Does she seem sorry? If so, I'd consider that punishment enough. But I would still have a big talk with her about it again, and work on safer ways to let out aggression.

[Anonymous]

Oh noooo. You're not a crappy mom, she's just a kid figuring it all out. But there should definitely be consequences.

If she's writing, I'd have her write an apology note. And lose the iPad for a little while (or some similar privilege).

I would also talk to her about what to do when you get super super mad. I taught my kid to stomp on the ground when he's furious, and I think it helps (mostly).

[Anonymous]

Good call on not watching Frozen last night. Anna punches Hans in the face near the end of the film.

I think the consequences were appropriate. Do the teachers know why she punched the other girl? Understanding the context may help you to have future conversations about controlling emotions.

[Anonymous]

I think that is pumishment enough if she is really impacted by it. My son only gets one 30 min video a day so if we take that away he is greatly impacted and shapes up quickly.

[Anonymous]

I would have her earn the movie back - with at least a week of good behavior. I'd also restrict tv and "treats" for a week, with a discussion each time about WHY she can't have those things.

I'd also try to talk to her to get an idea of what set her off. My son is a bit of a hot-head (tends to have epic meltdowns rather than hitting), and after an incident in addition to punishment I try to talk to him about what he was feeling. Then we talk about what to do to prevent a next time, and I emphasize that I know he can do better, and will do better. You want to both discourage the bad behavior and encourage better behavior.

[Anonymous]

Did she have a fist and actually punch the other kid in anger. Or did she just push her out of the way but in the face.

I would make her write a note or draw a picture to say shes sorry as well, and give it to the other kid.
I would also tell the school if she ever does anything like that again she is to go into timeout immediately and you will come and pick her up.

I dont know what I would do at home, I think more than not watching Frozen needs to be done.
I would probably make her spend the afternoon in her room.

[Anonymous]

"being sorry is punishment enough" ?????

what is wrong with you people.
If my kid was punched in the face by an angry classmate I would be pissed! She is almost 5, not 2!

[Anonymous]

Not your fault! Have her write or dictate a note of apology with a drawing. Have her rehearse how she is going to apologize. Find out what caused it, and talk with her about other ways to resolve the problem. Talk with her about how the other girl felt when punched in the face. Extend the no-"Frozen" thing another night. PP, thanks for flagging the face punch in the movie; I'm going to talk about that with my daughter when we watch it (OP, we also ordered it for delivery today!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good call on not watching Frozen last night. Anna punches Hans in the face near the end of the film.

I think the consequences were appropriate. Do the teachers know why she punched the other girl? Understanding the context may help you to have future conversations about controlling emotions.

Understanding why she punched her is important. It doesn't make it acceptable, but it'll change the dynamic of your talk. My DD smacked a girl who continues to poke and tease her. I was able to ask the teacher to keep them separate, asked the other girls mother to talk yo her DD and was secretly proud that my DD defended herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she seem sorry? If so, I'd consider that punishment enough. But I would still have a big talk with her about it again, and work on safer ways to let out aggression.

No way. I completely disagree with that. 'Being sorry' is not punishment enough. The girl is 5, and should definitely know better.

OP, you have the right idea. Agree with the PP who says to extend the no 'Frozen' thing up to a week, and let her earn it back with good behavior.

Definitely talk about other ways to express her aggression and how the other kid was feeling. And, she has to apologize!

Yes, to finding out more about the context of the situation, so that you can give specific advice on how she could handle something like this.

You are definitely not a crappy mom!

[Anonymous]

You should talk to your child about it but really, you weren't there -- the preschool teachers were. They should be handling it and it is their responsibility while kids are in their care to deal with kids and teach them how to behave in school (with back up at home of course).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"being sorry is punishment enough" ?????

what is wrong with you people.
If my kid was punched in the face by an angry classmate I would be pissed! She is almost 5, not 2!

That's not what I said. I said that apologizing to the classmate and having Frozen taken away and having a serious talk was punishment enough, as long as she was sorry--meaning as long as those consequences got through to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter will be five in May. She has a hot temper and while she's made tremendous strides she still has the occasional bad day. Today at preschool pick up her teacher said my daughter punched another girl in the face - I was horrified, especially since her behavior has been so good lately and this is such a big, physical thing to have done.

We're going to apologize to her classmate and her mother at school tomorrow, and I had my daughter tell her dad what she did. I'd bought the movie Frozen today (ironically as a treat for good behavior) and my daughter was very sad when I told her we wouldn't be opening it today because of what happened at school.

Is that enough of a punishment? What would happen in your house? Really feeling like a crappy mom this afternoon - she knows better than this.

First of all, it isn't your fault that your daughter punched someone. You are not in control of your daughter's behavior when she is not with you. What has the school done as a consequence? I think what you did was perfect. If you wanted to, you could have your daughter earn back the movie with good behavior for the rest of the week. Be encouraging to her about it.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the feedback. My daughter said the other girl tapped her on the head without asking when they were in line to come inside from the playground. The teacher said "punched" and didn't specify if it was open or close handed, and I kind of think that doesn't matter - hitting is hitting, and she shouldn't be doing it. I agree that almost five is too old to be doing this, which is why I'm looking for advice on what an appropriate punishment would be.

At school the teacher took my daughter in ahead of the other kids and talked to her, then had her apologize to the other child. I get that I'm not in charge of what happens at school and I respect the teacher's running of her classroom but I also want to be clear that this isn't acceptable so it doesn't happen again.

My daughter is sorry, but I think she's more sorry about the movie. She will be earning it back, and she's having a long quiet time in her room this afternoon. We'll apologize to the girl and her mother tomorrow morning. I know I would be furious if I were the other kid's mom, which is why I was curious what others would do.