Blindsided

[Anonymous]

Marital bullying and marital rape is a legal thing…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts. Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

A woman’s lack of desire is absolutely, positively caused by the man having angry outbursts and other abandonment of the family. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marital bullying and marital rape is a legal thing…

So is ones spouse having an affair with an office colleague and then indicating he is going to divorce her, that's a totally legal procedure and is not marital rape nor is divorcing someone illegal marital bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statistically men are more likely to leave marriages where are there no sons I have heard.

I've read the same thing years ago.
And read it again elsewhere.

This is certainly the case in China.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marital bullying and marital rape is a legal thing…

So is ones spouse having an affair with an office colleague and then indicating he is going to divorce her, that's a totally legal procedure and is not marital rape nor is divorcing someone illegal marital bullying.

Why are you writing the above gibberish to a side thread about an absentee husband’s demanding sex from his neglected and abused wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts. Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

My MIL was one of those women who continued to have sex with her immature husband. She wasn't into it but she did it out of obligation. Despite her charity, he continued to berate her in mixed company as "dingle-head" and belittle her. "Is taking out the trash too much for you? You have such a princess-y attitude." - when she asked him to take out the trash. He would sulk and pout when she didn't want to, say, go to the same restaurant he did.
He felt that there was nothing wrong with his marriage as long as she continued to submit sexually to him. A lot of 3rd world marriages are like this.

Fast forward she passed away first and he is utterly lost without her. He keeps talking about how he and his wife were like best friends. She would have begged to differ. He was willfully delulu about how she felt about the marriage.
But I think she was of a generation that did not expect spouses to be a soul mate. They understood there were personality deficits and that is part of the marital vows. But she was also of a generation that had simpler expectations - he has to financially support her lifestyle and she is supposed to be a doll-wife.

Expectations are different today - most of which undermine the instinctual sex/security transaction.

[Anonymous]

The expectation is quite basic: respect

[Anonymous]

It’s not soulmate or some grand romantic vision of marriage, it’s simple respect and effort.

[Anonymous]

And respect is a two way street.

You are a disrespectful pig who expects sex? Not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

There are literally constantly posts here in various threads by women in their 40s and 50s who have lost interest in sex entirely, yet don't see it as a problem at all-- in fact it's their absolute right not only to not have marital sex but to be outraged that their husbands feel differently about it. Op sounds like one of them.

Cool story. If he doesn’t say “this is a problem for me,” out loud, he’s an AH.

Are you serious? Or just clueless? He has no right to have an expectation of having sex with his wife. If he dates to bring it up, he's a misogynistic patriarchal abuser, trying to violate her rights and coerce her.

Yes, you’re right. There’s no middle ground between some poor, poor man suffering in silence – practically forced to screw his colleague – and threats of marital rape.

She has every right not to want sex. He has every right to want it. But if there are no discussions about the state of a marriage, what’s the point in being married? Oh, right. He just leaves and everyone blames the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts. Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

My MIL was one of those women who continued to have sex with her immature husband. She wasn't into it but she did it out of obligation. Despite her charity, he continued to berate her in mixed company as "dingle-head" and belittle her. "Is taking out the trash too much for you? You have such a princess-y attitude." - when she asked him to take out the trash. He would sulk and pout when she didn't want to, say, go to the same restaurant he did.
He felt that there was nothing wrong with his marriage as long as she continued to submit sexually to him. A lot of 3rd world marriages are like this.

Fast forward she passed away first and he is utterly lost without her. He keeps talking about how he and his wife were like best friends. She would have begged to differ. He was willfully delulu about how she felt about the marriage.
But I think she was of a generation that did not expect spouses to be a soul mate. They understood there were personality deficits and that is part of the marital vows. But she was also of a generation that had simpler expectations - he has to financially support her lifestyle and she is supposed to be a doll-wife.

Expectations are different today - most of which undermine the instinctual sex/security transaction.

maybe she just liked to have sex more than you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how some clown keeps harping that the issue is lack of sex yet never admits that’s driven by broken trust, reliability and respect.

It’s like saying you are shocked you have a cavity yet constantly eat krap and don’t brush your teeth. Is the real issue the cavity or your bad habits?

Delulu.

And never addresses the role that communication plays in all of it. If a spouse is unhappy, they need to say so. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader, however obvious it might be. Have a serious sit-down discussion before the resentment builds to the point of no return. Before one party has already fully checked out. It doesn’t mean divorce isn’t 100% going to be prevent, but it will prevent the other feeling blindsided if it actually comes to that.

Oh, can’t/don’t wanna have a discussion with your spouse? See above post.

Don’t try to twist the characters.

H: we need to have sex
W: I’m not feeling it, you have anger outbursts too much and don’t pull your weight in the house.
H: so what, we need to have sex’s we’re married.
W: I’m exhausted and hurt you aren’t engaged with the family or me or the house.
H: what? Look you left your shoes out! Right there you hypocrite! We need to have sex’s, it’s gods way.
W: again, I don’t feel safe or attached to you when you’re a never around or involved in our lives.
H: I work extremely hard for this family. I do it all for this family! I’m going to make a lot of ic one this year. You’re wrong.

(Walks off to fondle his iPhone)

Rinse and repeat.

A woman's lack of sexual desire is not driven by the man not doing chores nor by the man having angry outbursts.

Plenty of couples fight but then have hot make up sex. Plenty of woman have sex with their husbands and enjoy it even if he doesn't split the household chores 50/50.

Yes it is.

Explosive ManChild is not attractive. Nor marriage or parenting material.

Right so Ops friend was not blind sided then.

R u still trying to pretend it’s the wife’s fault the guy was a deadweight, then a cheater, and then left his family?

Sheesh, hope you don’t have daughters or sons.

no just pointing out that ops friend couldn't possibly have been blind sided she already knew she was in a bad marriage

DP, and first time commenting:

I bet she thought they had settled into a groove and were happy enough.

I bet she thought he was a good guy who was too decent to cheat…and perhaps assumed he was too busy and too smart to screw around and risk blowing up their family.

Regardless, it’s plausible she was blindsided. Anyone would be.

Let’s not forget he was the one that cheated and destroyed their family. He is choosing to cave into his midlife crisis. He’s having fun and good sex with his younger GF. He will probably abdicate parental responsibilities to his ex-wife. His daughters will hate him…unless he does a good job of buying their continued affection.

I hope she eventually finds a really good man. Screw the cheating husband who wants the mother of his children to politely eat his $hit with a spoon and quietly disappear. I hope his firm cuts him loose.