Playdates are stressful...do they really help?

[Anonymous]

Ugh...the teachers and doctors tell me to do more playdates, but do they really help for a child who is just not ready to be social or a child who is social only on their own terms. It just seems so unnatural and I'm not sure the forcing together or two kids is really beneficial. Does more exposure really help?

[Anonymous]

Yes, but with the right child initially. If a child is aggressive or bossy it might not be good for a child who is already having social issues. I saw how my son was with a highly extroverted, friendly kid and he was like any other normal, happy, playful kid. Playdates do help but you just have to stick with them and one day your child will start to socialize better.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any close friends in the area? What I found helpful was getting together with my own friends with children. They are not the same age as my child but close enough-either about a year older or a year younger. These play dates went well (enough) and helped with our daughter's social skills a lot. My friends were SAHMs at the time however so they had more flexibility and could make time for us. I would say don't worry so much about an age match for now, just get to socializing and then move on to more playdates with classmates. Try to make it less stressful for yourself and it will be less stressful for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you child's issues, age, etc? It might help to know just a little more about your child's needs and such before putting in my two cents about whether playdates are appropriate to continue. Even without special needs, some children at certain ages are not going to get a lot out of playdates...they will play next to each other rather than with each other, for example, until a certain age.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She is newly 4 -- and old enough to be social. On her own, at a playground, she will seek out kids to chase and glom onto. At school, she will hang out, but not engage them at all.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest one-on-one, highly structured playdates which are not too long. Plan an agenda with your DC ahead of time; something like, we'll make sugar cookies, then while they bake and cool we'll let your friend choose a game, then we'll decorate the cookies and eat them, then you can choose a game, then we're done.

[Anonymous]

Go for SHORT playdates. One hour, max. Build it slowly and you will see that your child will end up enjoying them. And they are important. Not off the charts important, but helpful for socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is newly 4 -- and old enough to be social. On her own, at a playground, she will seek out kids to chase and glom onto. At school, she will hang out, but not engage them at all.

I suggest speaking to the preschool teachers and asking what children might be good matches for a playdate with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of a special needs child, I'm high strung on play groups and other social activities. I've tried different art groups, music groups, and some gym groups and I felt uncomfortable in all of them. My son has developmental delay, but he's an excessive drooler. I felt people would stare and none of the mom's ever asked me about it or talked to me socially. Is it a big deal or just in my head? Should I keep trying to expose my son in typical play groups for the developmental component? He's incredibly social and friendly. He's non-verbal. I thought about structure play and I do a lot of the floor-time model therapy at home with him. Also, he's an only child and so I think a play group would be great and his teacher thinks so too. I think it's just me and being self conscious... it's stressful.

[Anonymous]

I gave up on playdates for DC, who is PDD-NOS. Too stressful, and I couldn't see that they were helping DC, who needs help developing social skills. When DC is ready, I'll try to find kids who are compatible, not necessarily typical kids, though.