my husband's mother hit my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you don’t believe in hitting as a punishment and have never done it, why is it ok for a grandparent to overstep your values and take it to that level. Most likely this is how she treated her son, that is all she knows. Quick to hit and put their hands on you …why is this ok?. That is an old mind set and antiquated abusive parenting. I was smacked around by my mother and grandmother, both of whom I think have a crazy gene. That is why I would never continue it to my child and be very angry with her. Team mom

You are projecting your own experiences onto OP's situation. There is no indication her DH was smacked around by his mother and grandmother, or that they were mentally ill. Unless you are OP, it is irrelevant.

And yet everyone talking about how they were hit as a child and turned out great are relevant? Pick a lane

That wasn't me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child who was physically struck cannot ever grow up to be a normal, productive member of society.

lol. Millions of people spank their kids though.

It's a low SES thing.

A low SES thing and something MC people hope no one finds out they do.

So is gun ownership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child who was physically struck cannot ever grow up to be a normal, productive member of society.

lol. Millions of people spank their kids though.

It's a low SES thing.

A low SES thing and something MC people hope no one finds out they do.

So is gun ownership.

You would be shocked apparently at how many guns very wealthy people have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any child who was physically struck cannot ever grow up to be a normal, productive member of society.

lol. Millions of people spank their kids though.

It's a low SES thing.

A low SES thing and something MC people hope no one finds out they do.

So is gun ownership.

You would be shocked apparently at how many guns very wealthy people have.

That was my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

So you're ok with a teacher, librarian, police officer, fast food worker, crossing guard, etc "swatting" your kid?

I'm ok with grandparents disciplining my kid. Not strangers or non family members.

Do you expect the teacher to parent your kids? Do you treat the like family.

You people have completely lost the plot. You think a grandparent is like a teacher or a fast food worker. gtfo, and go seek therapy.

So the line is family? So second cousin Al is ok to hit your kid? Or what about a 20 year old nephew who is upset about something and your kid frustrates him juuuust a little too much? Or maybe Auntie Jane drinks a little too much wine at dinner and your kid says something she doesnt like, its ok if she slaps their mouth? Or sorry - swats - their mouth?

Not wanting this to happen to my kid doesnt mean I'm a "hyper snowflake", it means I take my job to love and protect my children as their parent seriously.

DP but it the honest answer to all of your questions is “it depends”. For example, if my 12 year old called Auntie Jane a fat f***ing b**** and she slapped him across the face, I’d be fine with it and you’d better believe the kid would be apologizing TO HER.

And what it if was something a 4 year old would say? "No, I don't want to give you a hug" or something?

I dont think its appropriate to slap a child even for swearing like that, but thats not really what's in discussion here.

You (or the other poster) brought up tipsy Auntie Jane. Not my problem you can’t handle an honest answer.

As for what IS being discussed here, if my mom or MIL gave my four year old a quick smack on the leg because he kept kicking his shoes off when she’s trying to get them on him… I’m also fine with that. And I would make him apologize for being so disrespectful and disobeying his grandma.

The point was that this thread isnt about a 12 year old, its about a 4 year old. So its irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Forgive once but don't let it happen again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgive once but don't let it happen again?

I just say this because it wasn't too bad. I lost my cool before and scared myself silly. I never lost it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forgive once but don't let it happen again?

I just say this because it wasn't too bad. I lost my cool before and scared myself silly. I never lost it again.

But I do have to say that I was spanked as a child so take my perspective how you will!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

Some older people in other cultures also grew up with genital mutilation, giving babies alcohol, locking them in closets, forcing them to get jobs.
Are these things you think should slide because "they're old"?

oh ffs.. you have lost your mind. Do you compare being groped on the butt with rape? That's the kind of logic you are using.

As someone who was actually abused as a kid, you comparing a swat on the leg with actual abuse is really sickening.

DP, and yes. Sexual assault is a spectrum, and so is child abuse.

You can say that about any behavior.

Sure. And if someone behaves in a problematic way (I.e loses their temper and hits a four year old) you don’t wait around for it to get worse before you protect your child from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

MIL was helping the child get ready, At destination needed sneakers and wanted to wear sandals. MIL was totally out of line - kid puts on the sandals and you bring the sneakers and socks. This is like the kid wants to weat a T shirt but yy know it will get cool or isnt enough. You bri ng the jacket.

I would not have MIL babysit or help unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

MIL was helping the child get ready, At destination needed sneakers and wanted to wear sandals. MIL was totally out of line - kid puts on the sandals and you bring the sneakers and socks. This is like the kid wants to weat a T shirt but yy know it will get cool or isnt enough. You bri ng the jacket.

I would not have MIL babysit or help unsupervised.

Sounds like kid has needs far beyond MIL or most caregivers capabilities. Probably for the best. Just wait until the kid starts lashing out at school kicking at his teachers. OP can't just keep sticking her head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Grandma here. Would swat OP.

This is the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

MIL was helping the child get ready, At destination needed sneakers and wanted to wear sandals. MIL was totally out of line - kid puts on the sandals and you bring the sneakers and socks. This is like the kid wants to weat a T shirt but yy know it will get cool or isnt enough. You bri ng the jacket.

I would not have MIL babysit or help unsupervised.

Sounds like kid has needs far beyond MIL or most caregivers capabilities. Probably for the best. Just wait until the kid starts lashing out at school kicking at his teachers. OP can't just keep sticking her head in the sand.

This.
Sorry OP but you’re choosing to ignore kid’s behaviors and focus on the controversial measure your MIL used to address it.
That’s convenient.
But eventually you’ll need to address the elephant in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

So you're ok with a teacher, librarian, police officer, fast food worker, crossing guard, etc "swatting" your kid?

I'm ok with grandparents disciplining my kid. Not strangers or non family members.

Do you expect the teacher to parent your kids? Do you treat the like family.

You people have completely lost the plot. You think a grandparent is like a teacher or a fast food worker. gtfo, and go seek therapy.

So the line is family? So second cousin Al is ok to hit your kid? Or what about a 20 year old nephew who is upset about something and your kid frustrates him juuuust a little too much? Or maybe Auntie Jane drinks a little too much wine at dinner and your kid says something she doesnt like, its ok if she slaps their mouth? Or sorry - swats - their mouth?

Not wanting this to happen to my kid doesnt mean I'm a "hyper snowflake", it means I take my job to love and protect my children as their parent seriously.

DP but it the honest answer to all of your questions is “it depends”. For example, if my 12 year old called Auntie Jane a fat f***ing b**** and she slapped him across the face, I’d be fine with it and you’d better believe the kid would be apologizing TO HER.

And what it if was something a 4 year old would say? "No, I don't want to give you a hug" or something?

I dont think its appropriate to slap a child even for swearing like that, but thats not really what's in discussion here.

You (or the other poster) brought up tipsy Auntie Jane. Not my problem you can’t handle an honest answer.

As for what IS being discussed here, if my mom or MIL gave my four year old a quick smack on the leg because he kept kicking his shoes off when she’s trying to get them on him… I’m also fine with that. And I would make him apologize for being so disrespectful and disobeying his grandma.

The point was that this thread isnt about a 12 year old, its about a 4 year old. So its irrelevant.

The thread wasn’t about a drunken aunt or a slap in the face either, ya doofus. If you don’t want the discussion to veer into irrelevant territory, then don’t bring up irrelevant scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

MIL was helping the child get ready, At destination needed sneakers and wanted to wear sandals. MIL was totally out of line - kid puts on the sandals and you bring the sneakers and socks. This is like the kid wants to weat a T shirt but yy know it will get cool or isnt enough. You bri ng the jacket.

I would not have MIL babysit or help unsupervised.

Sounds like kid has needs far beyond MIL or most caregivers capabilities. Probably for the best. Just wait until the kid starts lashing out at school kicking at his teachers. OP can't just keep sticking her head in the sand.

Most competent caregivers can get an uncooperative four year old (like there’s any other kind…) into footwear without resorting to violence. Underpaid preschool teachers all over the country do better than this MIL because they’d be instantly fired if they behaved the way she did.