is it better to have a post breakup discussion on the phone or in person?

[Anonymous]

can't decide….still raw but need to talk.

[Anonymous]

Depends. We need more details on the relationship & break-up.

[Anonymous]

what exactly i the upside or point of having this conversation at all?

[Anonymous]

If one is necessary, do it in person. In a neutral, semi-public space. Make plans with a friend for after the meeting - you could use the moral support and you won't be available for break-up sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one is necessary, do it in person. In a neutral, semi-public space. Make plans with a friend for after the meeting - you could use the moral support and you won't be available for break-up sex.

Exactly. It just complicates things even more and you feel worse!

[Anonymous]

If you are raw I would avoid seeing your ex in person.
Unless you think you can handle it.

[Anonymous]

I vote for no contact! I know you didn't list it as a choice, but I can't see what good can come of anything.

[Anonymous]

No contact.

You might think you need closure, but that will not happen because of the discussion.

Unless, you want to get back again with this person?

[Anonymous]

I would wait until it's not raw, as long as that takes, and then meet for a debriefing, somewhere relaxed, that isn't a special place for you guys. And yes, have someone on call for afterward in case you need to cry to a friend.

I know it can be hard to want "closure" and not get it, but I don't think any good can come from seeing an ex when things are still raw. That is a prescription for "drunk, sloppy and crying in public" or "ill-advised breakup sex."

good luck.

[Anonymous]

op: not quite sure what we are talking about but i think it's are we going to try to stay in touch. i'm the one who asked to talk. it's been about 10 days. want to be sure we are really ending it, i think so but breakup was out of the blue. may not be able to keep from being emotional on phone or in person but feel like i need to say what i need to say about the relationship. not really asking him to explain. not worried about breakup sex. don't think we'll let ourselves do that. we're pretty mature people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: not quite sure what we are talking about but i think it's are we going to try to stay in touch. i'm the one who asked to talk. it's been about 10 days. want to be sure we are really ending it, i think so but breakup was out of the blue. may not be able to keep from being emotional on phone or in person but feel like i need to say what i need to say about the relationship. not really asking him to explain. not worried about breakup sex. don't think we'll let ourselves do that. we're pretty mature people.

Give it a few more days. 10 days is still too soon, especially if it was unexpected. I'm willing to bet that you will try to find a way to talk him out of it. Even if you promise yourself that you won't do that.

[Anonymous]

Phone for sure so you can end the conversation quickly and mask your emotions.

[Anonymous]

Write it down but don't send it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: not quite sure what we are talking about but i think it's are we going to try to stay in touch. i'm the one who asked to talk. it's been about 10 days. want to be sure we are really ending it, i think so but breakup was out of the blue. may not be able to keep from being emotional on phone or in person but feel like i need to say what i need to say about the relationship. not really asking him to explain. not worried about breakup sex. don't think we'll let ourselves do that. we're pretty mature people.

If you broke up and haven't spoken for ten days, you are really broken up and it's really over. And you asked to talk, but you don't know exactly what you want to talk about? Not a good set-up for a conversation.

[Anonymous]

op: i asked to talk about whether we are going to be able to stay in touch in some way. he said he would like to talk too. i just didn't want to end it with our last conversation last week when i felt blindsided and wasn't able to talk clearly. i just sort of left. i don't expect a huge amount but feel like it would be better to end it on good terms. we also have some stuff of each other's.

i also am not entirely convinced i can completely walk away from him forever. i just don't do that. i actually am in touch with a few ex's.

part of it is that i want to know how awkward it would be to get together. i may have to just experience it to realize it won't work.