Relationship Anxiety/Insecurity

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing someone quite seriously and exclusively for about 6 months now, and it has been really wonderful. He dotes on me, treats me like a queen, has introduced me to his family, tells me he loves me often, and is an all around great guy.

The problem is, the closer I get to him, the more I am afraid of it ending and me getting hurt. My last long term relationship started started off really well, then started to go south at about the 6 month point, with him rejecting me in a devastating way at around a year. I am completely over him (as in I no longer miss or desire to be with him), but still live with trauma of that experience.

I haven't shared my insecurities with my new guy because I am certain it will be a turnoff. I would like to work this out myself if I can, without excessively burdening him with my emotional baggage.

I know there are no guarantees in a relationship, or in marriage for that matter, but I am having a hard time letting go of the fear and just enjoying the present.

I was wondering if anyone has dealt with this? TIA for any insight you have.

[Anonymous]

Therapy. It will only get worse and then you'll start with the "is he cheating on me? I better check his phone. He's not answering his phone, what is he doing??? He's 30 min late! Who is he with?!?" Which WILL ruin the relationship. So I suggest therapy to help deal with the anxiety and insecurity.

[Anonymous]

All I can tell you is that you can get through the pain if it fails. You've gotten through it before, you can certainly, certainly do it again. Stop being such a damn wimp. You have to put yourself out there to find your happiness. If you don't you will never know and you can carry on your life living in your comfort zone which, while comfy, I'd definitely a recipe for an even more painful life. Sometimes things don't work out but the time you spent realizing it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

It will never be as painful as the first heartbreak. Seek therapy. I was engaged and living with him for three and half years until he broke my heart. It took me two years to recover but I won't ever let that hold me back. The truth is, if someone wants to be with you they will. Love changes, people far in and out all the time. Don't deny yourself happiness (even if it's for a little bit) because you fear being hurt. Thicken up your skin and let go.

[Anonymous]

I think there are many people, men AND women who have been or are in your shoes OP.

In love, there are never any guarantees. It's all based on chance. And the chance is that you will get your heart broken.

Think about it this way:
Your heart has been punched, stomped on, tore apart, etc. right??

Yet, it still continues to beat to this day.

Why?
Because it and YOU are a lot stronger than you give credit for.

Try to just enjoy this relationship and take it one day at a time.
Don't over think or over analyze anything too much.

Trust in that whatever happens really does happen for a reason. And that reason is for your direct benefit.

[Anonymous]

That's the deal with dating.

Just gotta it your heart out there and see where it goes. If he ditches you, you'll recover.