Not connected

[Anonymous]

I was trying to be optimistic about the shutdown and furloughs. That is not natural for me. I was hoping that all the time together without kids would allow my spouse and me to reconnect and regain some of the closeness we had pre-kids. This has not happened. Now we are in
the same place, just without pay checks.

[Anonymous]

Op, please dont be discouraged. What a stressful time for both of you. I think what you are experiencing is normal. Its not like you are on vacation without the kids. Maybe this can be a wake up for both of you that once things are settled and back to normal job wise, you two should take a weekend somewhere and try to reconnect then

[Anonymous]

Sounds like some pretty high expectations--"the closeness we had pre-kids." Don't mean to burst your bubble, but that is gone. That feeling was during a time when you had few obligations. Even though you both have had time during the day these past two weeks, there are still kids who have to be feed, dressed and sent to school. There is still a mortgage to be paid. And now there is an added stress of when/if you will be paid.

Try to manage your expectations differently. As PP said, think about ways you connect on a more regular basis without the kids. I totally understand your disappointment because I was in your shoes. I figured out how to mourn that loss of the "closeness" of the earlier days and transition to something else. Our love and commitment tone another is much deeper now. We have figured out how to have coffee without the kids on a weekend morning. Every once in a while we do a trade with friends and have the kids spend the night elsewhere. That gives us the space to "reconnect."