finding that I'm starting to look forward to when DH is out of town

[Anonymous]

After about 8 years of marriage, and really struggling with this early on, I'm now finding that I am looking forward to DH's business trips. When he is gone, and I can just have the house to myself with my 2 kids.

He was gone most of the weekend last weekend, and I had the best time with the kids. Movie night, apple picking, picnic, playing. No rushing, no agendas. Honestly, it was the most fun I can remember with them. And this is after spending 2 weeks at the beach with the entire family late this summer.

I would have absolutely dreaded that if he were here. He is constantly rushing through things with the kids. My youngest laid on the picnic blanket, rolled in the grass... it was a delight. He would have been hurrying her through eating, trying to "keep things moving along."

That's just the beginning of it.

And now, I'm starting to wonder, is this a phase? Or the beginning of the end? He's going away for a night on Thursday night, and I'm already thinking about the fun dinner we can have.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to him about it?
I can definitely see your point.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way (married 10 years and DH travels quite a lot). But, he also feels the same way when I'm away (I travel for work a bit, too). We have a very good relationship, so it's not a sign of trouble.

This is what I think it is - with 2 'bosses' it's much harder to go with the flow and be really in tune with the kids' moods/levels of tiredness. One of you might think it would be great to order pizza, the other might remember that your kids have been eating terribly lately and it's time for something healthy. The roles could switch. But with just one boss, it's so much easier. The kids end up more relaxed, too.

So, don't feel guilty about it. Just be glad that you have those nice times with your kids. And maybe think about if your DH can experience that nice time alone with them, too (why not go away for a weekend?)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way (married 10 years and DH travels quite a lot). But, he also feels the same way when I'm away (I travel for work a bit, too). We have a very good relationship, so it's not a sign of trouble.

This is what I think it is - with 2 'bosses' it's much harder to go with the flow and be really in tune with the kids' moods/levels of tiredness. One of you might think it would be great to order pizza, the other might remember that your kids have been eating terribly lately and it's time for something healthy. The roles could switch. But with just one boss, it's so much easier. The kids end up more relaxed, too.

So, don't feel guilty about it. Just be glad that you have those nice times with your kids. And maybe think about if your DH can experience that nice time alone with them, too (why not go away for a weekend?)!

+1

[Anonymous]

I tried once a year or two ago, when I first felt an inkling of this. It's different now, though... I feel a complete sense of relief when he leaves for a trip. I don't have to worry about fixing a meal he won't like, or him asking me for sex (and I like sex - but he doesn't really touch me otherwise, and that hurts and is just overall numbing).

We've done counseling in the past. He just doesn't take responsibility. If he tells me anything that he needs me to do to improve our marriage, I literally stop everything and fix it. And I do my damndest to make sure it doesn't happen again. I've told him about this, touching me, being engaged with me and the kids. He just doesn't try. And I really think he thinks everything is ok. He feels like I won't let go - but he never tries to fix the problems. Or it doesn't feel that way at least. And I try not to bring it up constantly. But we probably have this conversation 3-4 times a year about big issues impacting our marriage. The last one that really blew up was about a year ago now.

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 26 years, H used to travel on average a few weeks every month. I have to say I looked forward to it like you can't believe. It was a great time to see old friends and just do what I wanted.

I still feel this way but he travels far less. I have not made it a secret and its become a kind of joke. I think time away from each other is not only healthy but important to a relationship. Don't' think its automatically a bad thing, most women I know love their husband going away every now and then. Its more normal than you might think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After about 8 years of marriage, and really struggling with this early on, I'm now finding that I am looking forward to DH's business trips. When he is gone, and I can just have the house to myself with my 2 kids.

He was gone most of the weekend last weekend, and I had the best time with the kids. Movie night, apple picking, picnic, playing. No rushing, no agendas. Honestly, it was the most fun I can remember with them. And this is after spending 2 weeks at the beach with the entire family late this summer.

I would have absolutely dreaded that if he were here. He is constantly rushing through things with the kids. My youngest laid on the picnic blanket, rolled in the grass... it was a delight. He would have been hurrying her through eating, trying to "keep things moving along."

That's just the beginning of it.

And now, I'm starting to wonder, is this a phase? Or the beginning of the end? He's going away for a night on Thursday night, and I'm already thinking about the fun dinner we can have.

DH here. Yeah, I prefer spending time with the girls without you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tried once a year or two ago, when I first felt an inkling of this. It's different now, though... I feel a complete sense of relief when he leaves for a trip. I don't have to worry about fixing a meal he won't like, or him asking me for sex (and I like sex - but he doesn't really touch me otherwise, and that hurts and is just overall numbing).

We've done counseling in the past. He just doesn't take responsibility. If he tells me anything that he needs me to do to improve our marriage, I literally stop everything and fix it. And I do my damndest to make sure it doesn't happen again. I've told him about this, touching me, being engaged with me and the kids. He just doesn't try. And I really think he thinks everything is ok. He feels like I won't let go - but he never tries to fix the problems. Or it doesn't feel that way at least. And I try not to bring it up constantly. But we probably have this conversation 3-4 times a year about big issues impacting our marriage. The last one that really blew up was about a year ago now.

Are you the OP?

[Anonymous]

I think you should ship the kids to grandmas and take solo vacations!!

[Anonymous]

OP...does the thought of finding something on the side ever crosses your mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...does the thought of finding something on the side ever crosses your mind?

OP here. No.

[Anonymous]

Then it's def a workable issue..imo

[Anonymous]

"Don't' think its automatically a bad thing, most women I know love their husband going away every now and then. Its more normal than you might think! "

And a lot of husbands love when their wives go away. Bonus points for when the wives take the kids!

[Anonymous]

No kids yet, but i appreciate some alone time every once in a while.

[Anonymous]

totally normal. I have been married 16 years, and DH's business trips are like a breath of fresh air to our marriage.