A friend who will not stop discussing her sex life wiht me..how to tell her I do not want to hear it
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Anonymous
| I am 40 something have a good friend who I care about a great deal. She is such a wonderful and kind person, divorced three years ago and back on the dating scene. She is dating a guy quite a bit younger than her and from what I can tell its not a serious relationship but a fun roll in the hay. The problem is whenever we get together she has to bring up their sex life, what they did where, etc...I seriously do not care, want to hear it and feel uncomfortable with her telling me. She was not like this when she was married at all. Her new bf if hes even that is a really hot guy but still...I just don't need to hear it but am still very happy for her that shes having so much fun. I don't want to burst her bubble so how can I broach this kindly without hurting her feelings? She is really sensitive and getting over a huge depression after her husband slept with someone they both knew, she went through a rough time so I am so happy to see her happy again but as much as I love and cherish her friendship I want it without all this extra information! |
Anonymous
| How old are her children? |
Anonymous
| It's just like dealing with people who talk about their kids ad nauseam. Say "That's nice" and change the subject. |
Anonymous
|
Hmmmm.. I think you should explore why it bothers you so much? Might not be exactly happy that when you answer it honestly for yourself, it's probably you with this issues, not her.
Anyway, if you don't want to explore why you are so uncomfortable then I would change the subject as soon as she starts talking about it. And then try again if she tries to steer the convo back in the direction you don't like. She probably values your opinion so she is seeking your input or she just wants to brag. If she wants to brag -- it is understandable why you would feel uncomfortable here. No one likes to sit and listen to unabashed boasting. |
Anonymous
|
as a divorcee, I can relate to what your friend is experiencing - my exW had cheated on me and it took me a long time to recover. when i finally did bounce back, my first 'relationship' was with a very attractive woman and it was an intense and purely physical relationship.
it's difficult for someone who hasn't gone through this to understand, but just getting that mojo back, feeling alive and wanted again, especially after enduing a very intense, emotionally draining, and lonely period in one's mature life, sometimes we just need to celebrate - and that does at times including bragging a bit to our closest friends. as you want to cherish your friendship, the next time she does this, gently let her know how thrilled, over-the-moon you are for her, that she is back - full of vitality and sexy as ever (think 'how Stella got her grove back'), but details are not important - and change the subject. |
Anonymous
|
OP here, I just feel like ones sex life is very private. I do not discuss mine with anyone period. This is how i was raised and I am sure I will never change. Nothing wrong with me and no to the PP I am not going to unearth something earth shattering as to why it makes me uncomfortable, but I simply do not want to hear about ANYONES sex life, as much as I do not want to share my own.
Thank you to 13:14 for explaining things a bit better for me to understand. |
Anonymous
OP - It's a bit like a longtime underfed person suddenly having delicious, reliable meals. They are so happy and excited that they want to share their good news. Change the subject when your friend shares too much. Good luck. 
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Anonymous
| Larla, I'm so happy for you that you're having a great time. I am happy to hear about all the kind things he does for you, the fun places you go on dates and things like that. But I really feel like a person's sex life should be kept private and I prefer to not hear about the sex details, you know? And just because I don't want to hear about that one aspect doesn't mean I'm not happy for you, because I am. Okay? |
Anonymous
| 1702+ "larla that's great but TMI, spare me the details" |
Anonymous
|
Just be funny about it. "Whoa! TMI girl! Don't kiss and tell.... So how was the musical theatre part of your evening?"
Repeat as needed. |
Anonymous
| OP, do you ever do a good and nasty reverse cowgirl? Just curious. I think I know the answer. |
Anonymous
|
Personally OP, I feel that you don't want to hear it because there is something lacking in your own sex life that perhaps you need to explore. Not to sound harsh, but that is my thought.
I am also in my forties and have a BFF and she is married and I am single and I tell her about my sexual trysts (when I am lucky to get any...LOL...But that is another forum...) and she doesn't get annoyed. She listens and gives me advice. Shoot....We even laugh about it too. Loosen up Girl. |
Anonymous
I'm 13:14. I think my explanation was fine! Great actually, to the point. But if you don't like it then, okay. |
Anonymous
I mean I was 13:04 -- sorry 13:14, not trying to pretend to be you haha. |
Anonymous
|
NP here - I would be uncomfortable too. I'm fine with my sex life (or occasional lack thereof), but at some point, there is such a thing as too much detail. One friend told me years ago that her boyfriend at the time was "built like a farm animal" down there. Do you know how hard it was to NOT try to look at the guy's crotch after I heard that? Eek. I'm glad my friends are having good sex - I just really don't want to know much more than that. (If I'm dating someone new and a good friend asks, I might say, "he's great in bed!" or "good sex AND good snuggling." but not much more.)
I think 19:53 has the right idea. |