Parents getting upset about any group invitation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

What's basic is you don't need to be best friends with your daughter's friend's mom for the girls to have their own friendship. OP wants the parents to be friends first, kids second. That's not how everyone operates. Where does this awful school dynamic exist so the rest of us can steer clear?

[Anonymous]

Parent of now college students. This mom is not helping her kid -- at all. I'd suggest considering a one-to-one conversation. Flag that (1) the kids are at ages where they are transitioning to deciding their own groupings, (2) that you, like her and everyone, has limited time/energy to direct to kid event coordination (and this can lead to the path of least resistance in planning with people you're in conversation with at the moment) and you'd be truly happy if she'd take the lead in organizing events and get togethers. Kindly and respectfully place the responsibility for her engagement on her, and truly welcome her efforts. Neither you, nor anyone else, though, is her social secretary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

There’s just dynamics of friendship YOU are not picking up. Not everyone gets invited to everything. Why would you want to be?

Everything is context based. If it's a small group and one of them is being left out then YTA. If it's a large group and a small group are getting together then NTA. If it's a large group and a large group are getting together then it depends on the percentages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you two know each other and are you both sure that you're talking with the person you think you are?


Say what you will about the other mom in OPs post but at least she said her piece directly.

PP can’t say her piece directly. No one in real life will have this conversation with her.


Which is exactly what will happen to the other mom in OP’s post.

I don't know. It now looks to me like this happened months and OP is trying to passive aggressively shame her but got some push back and is lashing out. She looks just as bad if not worse at this point.

Well, sounds like an ongoing issue.

OP is wondering how dare this woman who is beneath her give HER the silent treatment. Like who does she think she is? I love that the other mom turned it around on OP.

So this woman can demand multiple invites from OP but can’t muster a pleasantry in passing, when OP says hello? If the other woman hates OP so much, why is she obsessed with OP’s events?

So much entitlement + a lack of basic social graces. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to learn how to make their own friends. Who cares if you’re not in the “clique” even if there is one. Find your own group.

For all we know this woman has other friends. I think the issue is that these are the dynamics at the school. From OP's anecdotes, it seems apparent the woman is upset about her kid being left out, not her. The issue has been kids talking about parties her son wasn't invited to, and him feeling left out when other kids' moms showed up for gym class but his mom wasn't there.

Maybe her hostility stems from frustration that in order for her son to feel included with these kids, she has to deal with their moms. Maybe she wishes the clique didn't exist, not because she's jealous and wants to be in it, but because it would be easier if there was no clique and she could just arrange playdates with the other kids without these dynamics.

I will say my favorite families to interact with are often the ones who don't want a lot from me socially, because I already have social commitments and don't really need a lot more. There's a family we know where our kids exchange playdates every week. They are nice but our only interaction is just hi and buy at the playdates and texts regarding logistics. It's just easy and the girls are good friends without us having to do a lot. It's such a relief.

There’s nothing stopping her from organizing playdates. As I said she’s never initiated anything. It’s really weird to care about a group of 5 people
hanging out when there’s over 100 families.

You say your kids are friends at school but have never done playdates together. Does your kid do playdates with your friend's kids?

Yes but also other kids who aren’t my friend’s children and neighbors

Her kid is friends with your kid. This isn’t that hard to figure out.

As I said we have invited her child over before, it has never been reciprocated. If you want to be included and thought of start with actually engaging with the people you’ve made left you or your child out.

So you're mad she doesn't invite your child in return?

No. I think it’s absolutely insane she doesn’t engage, communicate or initiate and basically expects an invitation to anything we do with more than 1 person.

I feel like you want her to grovel. Be super grateful when her daughter is included, and smile and feign meek cluelessness when she isn't included. This lady refuses to play your game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you two know each other and are you both sure that you're talking with the person you think you are?


Say what you will about the other mom in OPs post but at least she said her piece directly.

PP can’t say her piece directly. No one in real life will have this conversation with her.


Which is exactly what will happen to the other mom in OP’s post.

I don't know. It now looks to me like this happened months and OP is trying to passive aggressively shame her but got some push back and is lashing out. She looks just as bad if not worse at this point.

Well, sounds like an ongoing issue.

OP is wondering how dare this woman who is beneath her give HER the silent treatment. Like who does she think she is? I love that the other mom turned it around on OP.

So this woman can demand multiple invites from OP but can’t muster a pleasantry in passing, when OP says hello? If the other woman hates OP so much, why is she obsessed with OP’s events?

So much entitlement + a lack of basic social graces. Good grief.

Weird how she is both demanding and blows OP off by not responding. Kind of hard to be both at the same time. Maybe OP isn't being particularly truthful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

Its exactly like when the cool moms post their exclusive outings on facebook. "St. X 5th grade boy crew!" I'm supposed to think "Look how much fun they're having! I wish i was as cool as they are so my son could score an invite!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

Its exactly like when the cool moms post their exclusive outings on facebook. "St. X 5th grade boy crew!" I'm supposed to think "Look how much fun they're having! I wish i was as cool as they are so my son could score an invite!"

I assume they do this out of insecurity and wanting the "Best Boy Mom!" award. Hey, I also think my kid is cute and handsome and I take too many pictures of him (and I think I'm a pretty involved parent!), but I don't post the pics on Instagram, send them in to the School's Instagram, and announce all of our social gatherings and kid's personal achievements on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

Its exactly like when the cool moms post their exclusive outings on facebook. "St. X 5th grade boy crew!" I'm supposed to think "Look how much fun they're having! I wish i was as cool as they are so my son could score an invite!"

And then they try to school everyone else about "manners" while displaying none themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

They aren't playing dumb -- OP is incensed that this other mom is annoyed with her.

It's main character syndrome. This little clique of moms view themselves and their kids as the main characters of the school/grade. Everyone else is supposed to be a supporting character. The job of a supporting character is to fill out a crowd scene and reflect the positive qualities of the main characters back at them. This woman's offense indicates she views her and her kid's feelings and experience as equal to OP's and her friends. Uh-uh. Feelings and experiences are for main cast only. Not filler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

They are friends but not any more than many other kids. There’s probably about 20 kids in their grade that play together at recess and have been in the same sports teams in the past.

So the kids are very good friends. You keep downplaying that. First this was a school of like what 120 kids? Now we can see that these kids are part of a small friend group. And you and your coven had a very small "end of year party" of several of these kids. Your kids talked about it at school. "We're having a party!" And this hurt your child's friend's feelings, because they weren't invited, which they then relayed to their parent. Who thought her kid was excluded from the "end of year party". Your clique kind of sucks. And every time you see each other isn't a party, that's completely weird like you're trying to make it sound more than it is. Stop being such an ass.

OP is a cliquey mean girl who got called out on her nonsense, and is pissed that someone dared to call her out for who she is.

They desperately want to be the cool moms, having the most fun, talking it up to their kids, hoping word gets out. Then play dumb when someone actually said something about it.

Its exactly like when the cool moms post their exclusive outings on facebook. "St. X 5th grade boy crew!" I'm supposed to think "Look how much fun they're having! I wish i was as cool as they are so my son could score an invite!"

I truly cannot imagine a situation in which I post a photo of my child and her friends to social media. It seems invasive, braggy, disrespectful of my kid's privacy. Posting your kid's social life for clout??? Do people actually do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friendship is mutual- friendship requires active participation and mutual effort. You cannot expect to receive friendship without being willing to give it. This couldn’t be more basic.

Friendship? It's about the kids not you. Are the kids are all part of the same friend goup?

There’s just dynamics of friendship YOU are not picking up. Not everyone gets invited to everything. Why would you want to be?

Everything is context based. If it's a small group and one of them is being left out then YTA. If it's a large group and a small group are getting together then NTA. If it's a large group and a large group are getting together then it depends on the percentages.

This.

I also think it's really relevant in this thread that this mom does not appear to be upset that she is not part of OP's friend group. This isn't about a mom feeling hurt that she's not invited for coffee or drinks with this group. She is exclusively upset about her son feeling left out, in situations where her son has come home from school upset because the kids of this friend group have been talking up activities/parties in front of him. That's it.

Yet OP is bothered by this woman's behavior towards OP. OP is way more invested in her relationship with this woman than the other way around. This woman is not angling for an invite to hang out with these ladies. She just doesn't want her kid unnecessarily feeling like a fringe member of his friends group.