Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

If you don’t know how to make small talk with acquaintances without thinking they are “orbiting” you, you’re either neurodiverse or you were raised poorly.

Just being honest. You want this thread to be an echo chamber full of desperate social outcasts blaming everyone else. Just giving you the other side of the coin. Bottom line, they’re not interested. Strangers don’t owe you their time, kindness, chit-chat…or anything for that matter.

“Hey, how’re you doing?”

“I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!!”

For people so sure of their social skills they don't seem very good at sizing people up, reading body language, and identifying the social and friendly people who want to chat. It's really not that hard but some people are coming across like annoying puppies who just go up to everyone oblivious to the cues and body language their targets are putting out.

The irony here is that I actually do not care enough about you individually to put that much effort into figuring out if I'm "allowed" to say benign things like "how's it going?" or "oh, which kid is yours?" The world does not revolve around you and I do not care if you are "put out" by a very minimal level of human interaction.

I don't even like interacting with other parents much either but view it as part of the gig. Get over yourself.

Why is it your business who my kid is? Please spare us that you plan to ask two innocuous questions total, period. No. You want to segue into what do you do, where do you all live, you want to try to name drop. You’re desperate for social interaction and want to worm your and your kid’s way into an association with higher status families.

You’re pissed you’re sized up as an interloper and cut off before you can launch.

You social climbers obviously do care, which is why this thread is a hundred pages of you whining about not being able to break into a parent clique at your kid’s school.

Np to the back and forth here. (Actually not true. I asked about the old bay dig above. Still curious about that one. Anyhoo)

You sound insane. Literally not of sound of mind. This is what goes through your head when someone says hi to you?? That is amazing. And hilarious. It’s called exchanging pleasantries. It’s just being a polite human being.

I mean, don’t stop. You are very entertaining and this thread is quickly becoming a new classic
*chef’s kiss*

+1. I hadn't been reading this thread and that comment was the first thing I saw and wow. Completely insane. I can't imagine going through life thinking people asking which kid is there is social climbing. It's just a way to pass the time.

It also assumes a social hierarchy, and that the person being asked "which one is your kid?" is higher up said hierarchy. This just sounds like hierarchy.

One or two posters on here seem to to think the average parent is sitting around plotting ways to gain access to the "cool kids" club at their kids' elementary school. When in reality most people are just trying to figure out what to make for dinner, looking for handyman recommendations, or thinking about something annoying happening at work. I have neither the energy nor the interest to try and effect some kind of social coup among a group of people I am only loosely associated with via my kids.

There are over a million status obsessed foreigners in the DC metro area who are hyper mindful of hierarchy and caste. If you are seen as “below” them, they want absolutely nothing to do with you and your child. You might think that sounds crazy because you’re an American from some nice town in the Midwest but that is how these ruthless climbers see the world.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

DP. This might be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever seen on DCUM and that is saying something. And you might be the weirdest person on it. What’s up with your obsession with vetting? If you are this paranoid because of your line of work, go get some help. You’re a net negative in the community. I would bet money that whoever you think your friends are probably talk badly about you behind your back.

Driving the point home that from their POV you are a random ass stranger. You crazies have such audacity to believe everyone you seek to orbit MUST give you their undivided attention because your kid is randomly 1 of 500 or 1 or 2,000 at the same school. We. Don’t. Know. You.

“Seeing someone” a bunch of times somewhere doesn’t make you likely friends. I would see the same people on the Metro often twice a day. Outside of a random non-verbal nod, I never had the impulse to say a single word to them.

Taking it personal and whining in DCUM threads about this issue just proves there’s something off about you and their snap judgment of you is accurate. You warrant the icing. Sorry you’re middle aged with so few friends. The rest of us don’t have that problem and aren’t desperate for more.

If you don’t know how to make small talk with acquaintances without thinking they are “orbiting” you, you’re either neurodiverse or you were raised poorly.

Just being honest. You want this thread to be an echo chamber full of desperate social outcasts blaming everyone else. Just giving you the other side of the coin. Bottom line, they’re not interested. Strangers don’t owe you their time, kindness, chit-chat…or anything for that matter.

“Hey, how’re you doing?”

“I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!!”

For people so sure of their social skills they don't seem very good at sizing people up, reading body language, and identifying the social and friendly people who want to chat. It's really not that hard but some people are coming across like annoying puppies who just go up to everyone oblivious to the cues and body language their targets are putting out.

The irony here is that I actually do not care enough about you individually to put that much effort into figuring out if I'm "allowed" to say benign things like "how's it going?" or "oh, which kid is yours?" The world does not revolve around you and I do not care if you are "put out" by a very minimal level of human interaction.

I don't even like interacting with other parents much either but view it as part of the gig. Get over yourself.

Why is it your business who my kid is? Please spare us that you plan to ask two innocuous questions total, period. No. You want to segue into what do you do, where do you all live, you want to try to name drop. You’re desperate for social interaction and want to worm your and your kid’s way into an association with higher status families.

You’re pissed you’re sized up as an interloper and cut off before you can launch.

You social climbers obviously do care, which is why this thread is a hundred pages of you whining about not being able to break into a parent clique at your kid’s school.

Np to the back and forth here. (Actually not true. I asked about the old bay dig above. Still curious about that one. Anyhoo)

You sound insane. Literally not of sound of mind. This is what goes through your head when someone says hi to you?? That is amazing. And hilarious. It’s called exchanging pleasantries. It’s just being a polite human being.

I mean, don’t stop. You are very entertaining and this thread is quickly becoming a new classic
*chef’s kiss*

+1. I hadn't been reading this thread and that comment was the first thing I saw and wow. Completely insane. I can't imagine going through life thinking people asking which kid is there is social climbing. It's just a way to pass the time.

It also assumes a social hierarchy, and that the person being asked "which one is your kid?" is higher up said hierarchy. This just sounds like hierarchy.

One or two posters on here seem to to think the average parent is sitting around plotting ways to gain access to the "cool kids" club at their kids' elementary school. When in reality most people are just trying to figure out what to make for dinner, looking for handyman recommendations, or thinking about something annoying happening at work. I have neither the energy nor the interest to try and effect some kind of social coup among a group of people I am only loosely associated with via my kids.

There are over a million status obsessed foreigners in the DC metro area who are hyper mindful of hierarchy and caste. If you are seen as “below” them, they want absolutely nothing to do with you and your child. You might think that sounds crazy because you’re an American from some nice town in the Midwest but that is how these ruthless climbers see the world.

That's the irony. Someone who works in the Comms shop of a University is "low status" for the DMV.

[Anonymous]

When I see bubbly transplants arrive in the area with their rose-colored glasses on, it is definitely a somber experience to see the twinkle in their eyes gradually fade away.

The best way to handle it is to not internalize it. It’s like a virus. I have seen some really nice people change like chameleons. The local weirdos probably start these threads to gauge if their sick, demented tactics are having any impact on you. If you continue to fuel their primal urges, they will keep marking their territory. Your happiness is the antidote, step into that. Ignore all of the negative crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see bubbly transplants arrive in the area with their rose-colored glasses on, it is definitely a somber experience to see the twinkle in their eyes gradually fade away.

The best way to handle it is to not internalize it. It’s like a virus. I have seen some really nice people change like chameleons. The local weirdos probably start these threads to gauge if their sick, demented tactics are having any impact on you. If you continue to fuel their primal urges, they will keep marking their territory. Your happiness is the antidote, step into that. Ignore all of the negative crap.

It’s not just a toxic DC thing. Move to any place with an entrenched number of multi-gen locals and you get the same. Cool parent cliques, the haves, the wannabes, and the have nots from the other side of the tracks. People are very protective of their turf and random newcomers and transients are not just going to waltz in and become everyone’s besties.

[Anonymous]

Not all you friendly Sunny Susans are as bubbly and polite as you think you are full of manners. One of you asked me once "do your kids go to this school?" as we were sitting at the school event. Like what school does she think my kids go to? Why would I be at such an event? It was some sort of implication that I didn't belong or fit in. Nice.

[Anonymous]

They don’t know you and aren’t sure if they should be seen talking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t know you and aren’t sure if they should be seen talking to you.

lies, they know you better than you know yourself. They spend half the day scrolling through your socials. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see bubbly transplants arrive in the area with their rose-colored glasses on, it is definitely a somber experience to see the twinkle in their eyes gradually fade away.

The best way to handle it is to not internalize it. It’s like a virus. I have seen some really nice people change like chameleons. The local weirdos probably start these threads to gauge if their sick, demented tactics are having any impact on you. If you continue to fuel their primal urges, they will keep marking their territory. Your happiness is the antidote, step into that. Ignore all of the negative crap.

Becoming a parent revealed this side of DC to me in a way I had never noticed before. It's because having kids sometimes forces you into social situations with people you otherwise would not choose to spend time with. Between kids' birthday parties, school events, PTO meetings, scouts, and sports or other activities, it's just a lot of time with people who you only know because you both have kids in the same class or activity. It reminds me of earlier in my career, I had a job that involved a lot of conferences, and if you wound up on a conference team with people who were just very anti social or difficult, it would be a painful few days.

It's really suprising to me how many parenting activities have that "conference" vibe. No one warned me! Just the accumulated hours of standing around watching kids or waiting for kids alongside other parents. I had no idea. Someone needs to update the Parent Handbook to address this. I'd call that chapter "Bring a Book, So Even if Your Phone Dies, You Won't."

[Anonymous]

This thread is going me deja vu. It’s just like Greek Rank forums after rush week 25 years ago. Young women whining that the top tier sororities didn’t invite them to join. They could all get invitations from so-called low tier sororities but that wasn’t good enough. They demanded to be let into the most exclusive sororities and when they weren’t, they then smeared the houses as classist, racist, pretentious, shallow, phony, fake, slutty, elitist b-words.

Now all of you demand to be fast friends with every polished parent you set eyes on. Well, that’s not how it works. If everyone is friends, nobody is friends. Life is short, free time is scant. And you can’t force anyone to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t know you and aren’t sure if they should be seen talking to you.

lies, they know you better than you know yourself. They spend half the day scrolling through your socials. 🙄

So basically they are rude stalkers who are weirdly obsessed with you but act like they are too good to breathe the same air as you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is going me deja vu. It’s just like Greek Rank forums after rush week 25 years ago. Young women whining that the top tier sororities didn’t invite them to join. They could all get invitations from so-called low tier sororities but that wasn’t good enough. They demanded to be let into the most exclusive sororities and when they weren’t, they then smeared the houses as classist, racist, pretentious, shallow, phony, fake, slutty, elitist b-words.

Now all of you demand to be fast friends with every polished parent you set eyes on. Well, that’s not how it works. If everyone is friends, nobody is friends. Life is short, free time is scant. And you can’t force anyone to like you.

You’re still taking about sorority life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is going me deja vu. It’s just like Greek Rank forums after rush week 25 years ago. Young women whining that the top tier sororities didn’t invite them to join. They could all get invitations from so-called low tier sororities but that wasn’t good enough. They demanded to be let into the most exclusive sororities and when they weren’t, they then smeared the houses as classist, racist, pretentious, shallow, phony, fake, slutty, elitist b-words.

Now all of you demand to be fast friends with every polished parent you set eyes on. Well, that’s not how it works. If everyone is friends, nobody is friends. Life is short, free time is scant. And you can’t force anyone to like you.

You’re still taking about sorority life?

Popular girls don’t want you at their lunch table... rich girls don’t want you in their sorority… successful mums don’t want to associate with you at school events. Noticing a pattern here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is going me deja vu. It’s just like Greek Rank forums after rush week 25 years ago. Young women whining that the top tier sororities didn’t invite them to join. They could all get invitations from so-called low tier sororities but that wasn’t good enough. They demanded to be let into the most exclusive sororities and when they weren’t, they then smeared the houses as classist, racist, pretentious, shallow, phony, fake, slutty, elitist b-words.

Now all of you demand to be fast friends with every polished parent you set eyes on. Well, that’s not how it works. If everyone is friends, nobody is friends. Life is short, free time is scant. And you can’t force anyone to like you.

You’re still taking about sorority life?

Popular girls don’t want you at their lunch table... rich girls don’t want you in their sorority… successful mums don’t want to associate with you at school events. Noticing a pattern here.

Yes, the pattern of your delusions

Seek help

[Anonymous]

Do people really think about this topic this much on either side? The people who think someone saying “hi” to them means they are trying to get an “in” are beyond help - I’ve never read anything more delusional. But the people who get upset at parents being cold - who cares? Write them off as a jerk and move on. How can this topic spur 23 pages?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is a fed town. Government and adjacent employees are trained to be suspicious of random people trying to chat them up.

I live in the suburbs with lots and lots of people who are fed or who work adjacent to the government. None of them act like what you are describing. This is some weird inner ring and DC proper type behavior you all are describing. I am so glad I don’t have to live in the district. I don’t understand why anybody does. You all are insufferable and it’s not even that great there.

That’s funny because as a District resident none of this rings true. This is screams suburbs all the way.