Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

[Anonymous]

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

So you know OP? That’s amazing that you recognized her on this anonymous site. Otherwise, how the hell do you present all of these “facts” as to OP’s thought processes? You are a nutcase.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

No that is not the point. The point is that you are making up fake scenarios in your head and arguing them like it's not some delusional fiction you created.

That is the thing about being delusional, you can't see it.

What fake scenario? That OP told the other spouse with no regard for them? That is exactly what happened.

Keep up, these aren't long posts to which you're responding.

PP said "The other spouse might have been one of those people" when in fact they were NOT one of those people.

Did OP know that when they told them?

No. She never said she did. No one else ever said she did. But it's not relevant. You're the one having to make up facts here.

Sure, it’s relevant - and true acc to you. OP did not know if the other spouse would be hurt by the news and she told it anyway. She freed herself. All about OP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

Triggered AP alert!

Not an AP. never cheated. I am divorced. I have a “good divorce” but when something like this happens, it causes bad divorces that might otherwise happen. That directly puts kids at risk. Just sex between adults does not do that. Acting like the morality police does involve kids. Bad divorces hurt kids. Cheating alone hurts adults. See the difference? Most affairs, according to research, never get discovered. Bringing that to light when it is not your own marriage is flat out selfish and wrong. I even heard Dr Phil agree about this.

You're quoting that nutjob Dr. Phil? No wonder you are so messed up.

No hon. It's best if the cheated on spouse knows. The truth is better. You are really messed up. What is your story because I can't believe you are posting that op is selfish for contacting the other spouse.

OP clearly told the other spouse to feel better. She did not care about the other spouse. Definition of selfish. Perhaps understandable given her situation. But let’s not pretend she acted with any thought for the other. That’s the truth.

This is where you are so messed up and why many people are astounded at your position. Most of us think it is the right thing and helpful to the other spouse to know. I would be devastated if someone I knew didn't tell me. Even if it was a stranger, I'd want to know. Most of us would. You try to say everyone has affairs and most people don't know as if that is a normal, healthy marriage. You really believe op wanted to hurt the other spouse. That assumption is so bizarre. You contort yourself in the most bizarre way to make op the bad person here.

Read more carefully. I did not say OP wanted to hurt the other spouse. I said OP didn’t care if they did hurt the other spouse. Whether you think there is an objective right/wrong answer to the Q of whether to tell the cheated-on spouse, the fact is OP did not care.

If it doesn't matter to you whether OP wanted to hurt the other spouse or OP didn't care if she hurt the other spouse then what difference does it make what OP's motivation was?

OMG. That is exactly what I think is wrong with OP. They did not think about whether they would hurt the other spouse. They just did it so they would feel better.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

You can craft whatever kind of story you need to in your head, but OP said he was glad to know. So who cares what her motivation was - he is glad to know. Period. End of story. Don't choke on the sand while you're down there.

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

Do you have trouble with reading comprehension? Nothing I said was wrong. OP said he was glad to know. Fact. I never said she knew he'd be glad to know, I said that he was.

It doesn't matter what OP knew when she told him. Again, enjoy your ignorance.

Why doesn’t it matter? Another person’s feelings don’t matter as long as OP feels free?

[Anonymous]

All this person has is "doesnt this other persons feelings matter" and yes, they do - that's why OP told them, so theyd know they were being lied to by their spouse. That is mercy, no matter how you look at it.

This person isn't even worth responding to, they have nothing to add except insults to OP.

[Anonymous]

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Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

You think it was the right thing. Not everyone agrees. The other spouse might have been one of those people. OP had no way of knowing which kind of person the other spouse is. OP did for herself without caring about the other person.

That’s the point. OP didn’t even care. She didn’t do it to save someone from a burning house. She did for herself. Even if it hurt an innocent party.

You can craft whatever kind of story you need to in your head, but OP said he was glad to know. So who cares what her motivation was - he is glad to know. Period. End of story. Don't choke on the sand while you're down there.

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

Do you have trouble with reading comprehension? Nothing I said was wrong. OP said he was glad to know. Fact. I never said she knew he'd be glad to know, I said that he was.

It doesn't matter what OP knew when she told him. Again, enjoy your ignorance.

Why doesn’t it matter? Another person’s feelings don’t matter as long as OP feels free?

Watch it, PP. OP is destined for sainthood and maybe a bestseller for the good she has done in the world, and her stans will question your mental health and call you mean things if you disagree.

They may even put a pox on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All this person has is "doesnt this other persons feelings matter" and yes, they do - that's why OP told them, so theyd know they were being lied to by their spouse. That is mercy, no matter how you look at it.

This person isn't even worth responding to, they have nothing to add except insults to OP.

See, you all keep trying to turn around not being able to infer OPs intent, and I see none of this in her posts. She didn’t care for one second (in her posts) about the other person- there is no mention of their wellness or safety, or concern for them getting an STD, or any of it. OP needed to be free of knowing herself, of holding whatever secret she already knew (which by virtue of them
Knowing made it no longer a secret). She was just happy to unload it and snitch because she has so much to deal with herswlf. That’s basically her first post, as people seem to be inferring things that aren’t there.

[Anonymous]

Lol! Snitch! You APs or loser wives who stay with cheaters are so bizarre. Sorry, not sorry your (or your DH) secret got out! Touch grass

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you. FAFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol! Snitch! You APs or loser wives who stay with cheaters are so bizarre. Sorry, not sorry your (or your DH) secret got out! Touch grass

Again with the negative slurs and insults. Apparently being the kind of person who leaves doesn’t actually build character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wrong. OP reported that after they told the other spouse. Told them without any regard for them.

When OP told the other spouse, OP did not care whether they were going to hurt another innocent person.

I must have missed where OP said she had no regard for them - or maybe you are just making up your own story like a psycho??

OP likely agonized over telling the other betrayed spouse precisely because she knows exactly how painful the information is - since she had to deal with it herself - and dreaded being the bearer of bad news. But that’s all OP was - a truth sharer who was watching out for another person because she knows the pain will be worse the longer the other person is kept in the dark. OP restored agency to the other spouse. Any damage or resulting divorce is ENTIRELY the fault of the cheaters.

Seriously, are you okay, PP? You seem strangely invented, and all your argue wants (I’d like to call it discussion, but it’s not) contain personalized, mental health related slurs like this one. You’ve also used delusional, I think crazy, and certainly referred to women who stay as weak.

With that, I just want to point out that it takes a hell of a lot of backbone to stick by someone who hurts you to the core, and I would never refer to someone who stays as weak. To me, that’s the exact realization of the marriage vows. Humans aren't perfect, and life is a long time.

The fact that you can see no nuance in any situation, and are so rigid that you lash out with name calling and slurs to defend your point makes me sad for you. Life is a bigger place than you seem to want know or understand. “But for the grace…”.

Nah, you just didn't want to get a job.

Because Beyoncé and HRC didn’t have jobs? You think every woman who stays is a SAH?

So you didn't get a job, and stayed and use beyonce and hilary to prop up your position? Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.