my husband's mother hit my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My son was refusing to do something and giving her a hard time."

How old is your son? What was he doing/not doing? What does "hard time" mean?

If we are talking about an 8 year-old who is refusing to stop smacking a toy on grandma's head because he thinks it's funny to annoy her, then grandma was perfectly within her rights to swat him.

Why are you here if you can't read what happened?

Op

I think older people forget and have unrealistic expectations on little kids. My mom was watching my kids when they were little and for some reason she wanted them to get dressed and do something on her time schedule even though they were perfectly happy playing together and there was no urgency as they weren't going anywhere. As soon as I got home she yelled at me how "bad" they were but, honestly if she wasn't so anxious and viewed it differently ( having a relaxing moment vs a defiant moment) it could have been a happy memory!

So I get it. I would have limited contact with the grandmother and not let her watch him alone until he is older. Sometimes kids are feeling stressed and they act out by not wanting to put their shoes on. And then you get immature adults who grew up in a time that kids were not allowed to express their feelings and the two collide. It does not make your kid a brat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

So you're ok with a teacher, librarian, police officer, fast food worker, crossing guard, etc "swatting" your kid?

I'm ok with grandparents disciplining my kid. Not strangers or non family members.

Do you expect the teacher to parent your kids? Do you treat the like family.

You people have completely lost the plot. You think a grandparent is like a teacher or a fast food worker. gtfo, and go seek therapy.

So the line is family? So second cousin Al is ok to hit your kid? Or what about a 20 year old nephew who is upset about something and your kid frustrates him juuuust a little too much? Or maybe Auntie Jane drinks a little too much wine at dinner and your kid says something she doesnt like, its ok if she slaps their mouth? Or sorry - swats - their mouth?

Not wanting this to happen to my kid doesnt mean I'm a "hyper snowflake", it means I take my job to love and protect my children as their parent seriously.

DP but it the honest answer to all of your questions is “it depends”. For example, if my 12 year old called Auntie Jane a fat f***ing b**** and she slapped him across the face, I’d be fine with it and you’d better believe the kid would be apologizing TO HER.

And what it if was something a 4 year old would say? "No, I don't want to give you a hug" or something?

I dont think its appropriate to slap a child even for swearing like that, but thats not really what's in discussion here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

Some older people in other cultures also grew up with genital mutilation, giving babies alcohol, locking them in closets, forcing them to get jobs.
Are these things you think should slide because "they're old"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

And yet the ones shooting up schools are not those snowflakes, funny how that works

They are mostly white magas from pro gun households, and there is likely more hitting in maga households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

Some older people in other cultures also grew up with genital mutilation, giving babies alcohol, locking them in closets, forcing them to get jobs.
Are these things you think should slide because "they're old"?

oh ffs.. you have lost your mind. Do you compare being groped on the butt with rape? That's the kind of logic you are using.

As someone who was actually abused as a kid, you comparing a swat on the leg with actual abuse is really sickening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its doesn't matter if its light spanking or hard and its OP, her mom, nanny, teacher, coach, sitter or MIL but this is unacceptable from a child development point of view. Period. It should be clear to anyone who takes care of any child. Yes, it was acceptable in past but so was smoking and drinking. We know better now so we should behave accordingly. Help MIL understand this boundary in kind but firm words so this isn't repeated. There is no need to ban her unless she ignores your boundary.

LOL.. "kind but firm words" don't work on 4 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

Some older people in other cultures also grew up with genital mutilation, giving babies alcohol, locking them in closets, forcing them to get jobs.
Are these things you think should slide because "they're old"?

oh ffs.. you have lost your mind. Do you compare being groped on the butt with rape? That's the kind of logic you are using.

As someone who was actually abused as a kid, you comparing a swat on the leg with actual abuse is really sickening.

DP, and yes. Sexual assault is a spectrum, and so is child abuse.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you ask MIL if your child KICKED her while she was trying to put on his shoes? Maybe kicking near her face?

I know of a "gentle parenting" relative who refused to speak above a calm whisper when child did anything wrong, including the child's frequent and repeated rough-housing and kicking other kids AND adults.

Enter elderly grandpa wound up getting kicked in the face by the charming child and wound up with severe eye injuries.

Parent gently explained to child that kicking someone in the face was not acceptable. Grandpa lost part of his sight.

Parent knew kid had problem. Parent refused to discipline. Parent is responsible for a man losing part of his sight for the few years of life he had left.

Elder abuse (even by a child) is not acceptable either.

[Anonymous]

^ Oh, and to add insult to injury, a short while later the parent took a photo of child with grandpa and his injuries, and accompanied it with a jokey text about child's kickboxing skills and "guess who won this match."

Not funny. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you don’t believe in hitting as a punishment and have never done it, why is it ok for a grandparent to overstep your values and take it to that level. Most likely this is how she treated her son, that is all she knows. Quick to hit and put their hands on you …why is this ok?. That is an old mind set and antiquated abusive parenting. I was smacked around by my mother and grandmother, both of whom I think have a crazy gene. That is why I would never continue it to my child and be very angry with her. Team mom

You are projecting your own experiences onto OP's situation. There is no indication her DH was smacked around by his mother and grandmother, or that they were mentally ill. Unless you are OP, it is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Oh, and to add insult to injury, a short while later the parent took a photo of child with grandpa and his injuries, and accompanied it with a jokey text about child's kickboxing skills and "guess who won this match."

Not funny. At all.

I hope they caught it from all the other relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

So you're ok with a teacher, librarian, police officer, fast food worker, crossing guard, etc "swatting" your kid?

I'm ok with grandparents disciplining my kid. Not strangers or non family members.

Do you expect the teacher to parent your kids? Do you treat the like family.

You people have completely lost the plot. You think a grandparent is like a teacher or a fast food worker. gtfo, and go seek therapy.

+1. First time this has happened and grandmother apologized. Doubt it will happen again but there will be other reasons for OP to be mad at MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you don’t believe in hitting as a punishment and have never done it, why is it ok for a grandparent to overstep your values and take it to that level. Most likely this is how she treated her son, that is all she knows. Quick to hit and put their hands on you …why is this ok?. That is an old mind set and antiquated abusive parenting. I was smacked around by my mother and grandmother, both of whom I think have a crazy gene. That is why I would never continue it to my child and be very angry with her. Team mom

You are projecting your own experiences onto OP's situation. There is no indication her DH was smacked around by his mother and grandmother, or that they were mentally ill. Unless you are OP, it is irrelevant.

And yet everyone talking about how they were hit as a child and turned out great are relevant? Pick a lane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

Some older people in other cultures also grew up with genital mutilation, giving babies alcohol, locking them in closets, forcing them to get jobs.
Are these things you think should slide because "they're old"?

oh ffs.. you have lost your mind. Do you compare being groped on the butt with rape? That's the kind of logic you are using.

As someone who was actually abused as a kid, you comparing a swat on the leg with actual abuse is really sickening.

DP, and yes. Sexual assault is a spectrum, and so is child abuse.

You can say that about any behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad that people are really arguing for keeping a grandma from her grandkid. My mom is the most gentle and kind person ever, but grew up in a culture where giving swats was a thing (and where people who were swat as kids do grow up to be kind and productive members of society). My mom would swat us as kids (never hard) but just as a way of saying "no." I made it very clear that we don't do that today with kids in the US and she has never swat my dd, but sometimes older people need to learn these things, especially when they come from different cultures.

And yet, somehow your mom has learned this without having to hit your child first. So it's not some sort of "coming of age in the USA" or some shit, clearly it's possible. Why are we giving violence a pass just because it's some old person?

Calling swatting "violence" is exactly the kind of catastrophizing and extremist language that makes me sad on behalf of society today.

+1000 Language is being weaponized.

+1 the over reaction and hyper snowflakeness of younger people are creating a bunch of people with no resilience and being too sensitive.

So you're ok with a teacher, librarian, police officer, fast food worker, crossing guard, etc "swatting" your kid?

I'm ok with grandparents disciplining my kid. Not strangers or non family members.

Do you expect the teacher to parent your kids? Do you treat the like family.

You people have completely lost the plot. You think a grandparent is like a teacher or a fast food worker. gtfo, and go seek therapy.

So the line is family? So second cousin Al is ok to hit your kid? Or what about a 20 year old nephew who is upset about something and your kid frustrates him juuuust a little too much? Or maybe Auntie Jane drinks a little too much wine at dinner and your kid says something she doesnt like, its ok if she slaps their mouth? Or sorry - swats - their mouth?

Not wanting this to happen to my kid doesnt mean I'm a "hyper snowflake", it means I take my job to love and protect my children as their parent seriously.

DP but it the honest answer to all of your questions is “it depends”. For example, if my 12 year old called Auntie Jane a fat f***ing b**** and she slapped him across the face, I’d be fine with it and you’d better believe the kid would be apologizing TO HER.

And what it if was something a 4 year old would say? "No, I don't want to give you a hug" or something?

I dont think its appropriate to slap a child even for swearing like that, but thats not really what's in discussion here.

You (or the other poster) brought up tipsy Auntie Jane. Not my problem you can’t handle an honest answer.

As for what IS being discussed here, if my mom or MIL gave my four year old a quick smack on the leg because he kept kicking his shoes off when she’s trying to get them on him… I’m also fine with that. And I would make him apologize for being so disrespectful and disobeying his grandma.