Just a little vent

[Anonymous]

I realize this is just a collection of rambling thoughts, sorry if there is any confusion!

...DH and BIL are not very close, but it's not for a lack of trying on DH side. He continues to try to initiate, calls and gets no return call or MAYBE 3-5 minutes. Even when they are at their parents house at the same time BIL goes out with friends (they're all in their mid30s) for most of his trip and leaves time for 1 dinner with the family. Anyway, DH spent the past week in Chicago as he was in a wedding. BIL also lives in Chicago, and lives just a few blocks from where his hotel is. DH and I were so impressed when BIL initiate a few meetings with DH during his time there. In fact, DH is gushing that is brother is a changed man. Here's where the problem is- I talked to BIL wife, and she causally informed me that she had to FORCE BIL to invite DH over!! I'm so sad for him, and I know he would be crushed if I ever told him. So I'm here, disappointed in my BIL again, wishing that his wife never told me that. It makes me so sad to see BIL treat DH and his family so poorly.

Thanks for letting me vent, now I don't have to crush DH.

[Anonymous]

Well that IS sad, but the good news is that BIL didn't let DH know that and maybe BIL actually HAD a good time and will want to do it again. Don't you go telling DH.

[Anonymous]

Is BIL just an introvert? It might not be personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is BIL just an introvert? It might not be personal.

No, he's actually incredibly social, just not with the family.

[Anonymous]

What is the reason BIL avoids DH?

[Anonymous]

Its kind of shitty that your SIL told you that. Why is she trying to start drama...obviously no one wants to hear about another adult ebing forced to hang out with someone.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, SIL wasn't very nice to tell you that. I wonder if BIL had sibling rivalry issues with DH when they were young. Seems strange to be so anti-social with his own brother!

[Anonymous]

Op here- as far as I know they just had normal sibling rivalry, nothing extreme. BIL is like that with his mom and dad, too. He is very self centered and self important, in my opinion- if we enter the room after not seeing him for several months he'll sit there and watch tv, not get up and greet us.

I just don't get it- in my opinion, DH is kind, thoughtful, and gentle. Not arrogant, abrasive, or rude-- I wouldn't have married him! I'm hoping that it isn't us and that maybe BIL come around.

Thanks for letting me vent, I just needed to tell someone and not spill the beans to my husband.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like BIL and his wife are real charmers.

I would tell them to f' off and move on. You can;t pick your fmaily but you can pick who you are friends with.

[Anonymous]

My DH is the BIL in this scenario. Just doesn't want to connect with his brother, and brother really tries. DH's mind is made up. He's kind of an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is the BIL in this scenario. Just doesn't want to connect with his brother, and brother really tries. DH's mind is made up. He's kind of an ass.

Why doesn't he want to connect with his brother?

[Anonymous]

That wasn't very nice of BIL's wife to tell you that. Maybe they are both sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, that wasn't very nice.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a half brother who only wants to see him when he wants something from him. Plus, it's a constant stream of asking for smaller favors.
At first I felt sorry for DH, but eventually..,he just wants to be fooled into thinking he has a great family. I don't ever tell him what it looks like to me, but I am secretly happy that this brother is not too proactive. Would probably ask for even more if he were less lazy to make contact.